To feel I should do it for him?

(4 Posts)
inboxmehun Tue 04-Oct-16 17:57:34

I'm a single 39 yr old woman - no dc. Last January I was in a situation I found awful - living in a place I hated and in which I'd suffered a terrible trauma that has affected my life - hopefully not irreversibly. I have no social life and just one friend I'm in touch with. 3 years ago I was in a much better position - my life was opening up - a couple of really good friendships including possible romantic relationship. Since then I lost my way in life and lost job opportunities and 2 out of my 3 friends. Compared to 2013 I feel really lonely. Anyway, last January I remembered a boy I was at school with who'd died aged 20 from meningitis - we were good friends in school and were sort of '2 of a kind' - many similarities between us - dysfunctional upbringings etc. It's strange but since I thought of him at the end of January this year - it was the afternoon of Saturday 30th January - I'm a date obsessive - I just seemed to have the motivation to put my foot down and make changes so I lost weight - and have made another massive change for the better to my life. I still lack confidence in some ways, haven't had a proper job for ages, pushing 40 - no real social life, single, no kids etc. Also feelings of regret at the fact that I've wasted opportunities and posted self pitying messages on facebook (hence my username). However, although i'm not in great circumstances by any means at the moment - I feel I owe it to my deceased friend to pull my life together - as since January he's been responsible in spirit for a massive improvement in my quality of life. What do you think?

Longlost10 Tue 04-Oct-16 18:00:05

I had a close friend who died at 18, I often think of her, and her memory inspires me to make the most of my life, of all the years I got that she didn't

inboxmehun Tue 04-Oct-16 18:01:34

Sorry about your friend Longlost - but that's a good way to think about your future - you're living your life to the full while keeping your friend very much in your mind x

Longlost10 Tue 04-Oct-16 18:06:02

flowers

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