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AIBU?

AIBU to be utterly upset with my sons friend/neighbour?

106 replies

parry45 · 02/10/2016 20:37

So my sons best friend lives across the road from us. His mum works different hours, and quite often( maybe 2-3 times a week) he stays with us for an hour or 2 whilst she goes to work. Never a problem as he keeps my son occupied and they enjoy playing together. I even offered to pick him up from school any day as sometimes she's stuck and I'm picking my children up anyway. So....today she has shouted at my son as he knocked on the door to call for the friend at 12.30 this afternoon and she was sleeping. She has now said that he is not allowed to knock for friend anymore as his times are the wrong times and he's not even allowed in the garden. They went out, I looked over and yes...he was waiting outside the garden gate!. Aibu to be so annoyed about this to the point I feel I need to say something given the amount of time i have her son for her? He's around our house every day after school and like I said I also look after him too. My son is upset as he is confused by the whole thing and thinks he's done something wrong?

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LIZS · 02/10/2016 20:46

How old are they? Perhaps it genuinely was a bad time.

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HeyNannyNanny · 02/10/2016 20:48

YANBU, selfish of her. Though I'm crabby as anything when I get woken up, no excuse to shout at a child tho.

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TheWitTank · 02/10/2016 20:57

YANBU. That would really piss me off. Maybe she was just having a bad day/crabby from waking up? I would be tempted to say something in passing, like "DS mentioned he woke you up the other day?" and see what she says. She may be apologetic for being cross, or she may say he isn't welcome at her house. In which case she can make herself some new childcare arrangements!

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rollonthesummer · 02/10/2016 21:02

How old are they? Looks like she'll have to find some alternative childcare now!

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Hairyfairy01 · 02/10/2016 21:04

Does she work nights?

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Flash13 · 02/10/2016 21:07

Absolutely no

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QuiteLikely5 · 02/10/2016 21:08

I would never shout at another child or anyone for that matter for knocking on my door so she is being unreasonable.

I would ask her about it, say your son is worried about it- if her response is not satisfactory- tell her to find a new 'free' sitter!

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Blu · 02/10/2016 21:09

I would go and talk to her calmly and assertively and ask her why she has shouted at your DS, and why your Ds cannot go there when her son is so often at yours. Tell her that your son is upset and confused and you can understand why.

I wouldn't stop your son playing with him if they are good friends, but unless she apologises and explains and sounds plausible, I wouldn't be doing her any favours.

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Pagwatch · 02/10/2016 21:11

What Blu said.

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Stevefromstevenage · 02/10/2016 21:12

YANBU and I think blu has it.

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/10/2016 21:12

She's bang out of line. She doesn't want your ds knocking on her door again, yet. His mother (you) is alright and good enough to look after her son.. I'd be stopping those favors straight away.
Bad time or not. You don't shout at s child for knocking on the door.

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user1473454752 · 02/10/2016 21:13

That is incredibley selfish of her considering you babysit and don't get paid for it???

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/10/2016 21:15

About not stopping the children playing together.
With the strongest intent In the world.
And even if you wanted to. You couldn't stop kids playing together

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parry45 · 02/10/2016 21:20

Thank you. This is my first post so a little nervous. I'm always finding myself being nice one you know....saying yes etc to people but if I can help then I really don't mind. This today however did upset me and get my back up. He's NEVER allowed in thier house, they always have to be here. Which I've never really minded before...so to now be banned from knocking for his friend and from the garden just seems a bit extreme, especially when this week her son will be here for tea and being looked after. Thing is I feel bad for him as if he doesn't come here he has to go to work with her and he asks me, then I feel bad for him. Yes...maybe I should just ask her about it. Maybe it was a bad time, I understand that. But 5 hours later he still had to stand outside the garden?

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KindDogsTail · 02/10/2016 21:23

YANBU
The only explanation I can think of that might excuse her a bit is if she works on shifts which mean she has to be asleep then; but I presume this is not the case or she would have apologised and explained.

I think, mention that your son said she had been upset with him for waking her up when he knocked at 12.30, and you wonder if that was right.
See what she says.

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Pagwatch · 02/10/2016 21:23

Everyone has said she is being unreasonable and you should speak to her.

Are you so worried about talking to her that you try to excuse it? It's not reasonable.

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missyB1 · 02/10/2016 21:23

You are going to have to speak to her and ask exactly what happened and what was said, you need to shame her into an apology.

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parry45 · 02/10/2016 21:26

No i would never stop them being friends. My son actually said to me " it's not fair, I'm not allowed around there but ***comes here all the time". Then it was " she doesn't like me" and " well he shouldnt come here either then. I explained that his friend is always welcome here and that it wasn't his friends fault etc. Yeah he's a little confused by this. That's why I'm upset.

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OlennasWimple · 02/10/2016 21:30

Why is your DS stood outside her garden for five hours? (How old are they anyway?)

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MouseLove · 02/10/2016 21:31

Theres something going on, her behaviour feels almost as if she's hiding something. Is there a father in the picture? Maybe she is so stressed that she is not coping very well. Maybe go speak with her and ask if everything is ok?

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Blu · 02/10/2016 21:32

Yes, ask her.

You don't have to be aggressive or confrontational.

You can just say 'can you tell me what happened the other day? DS is upset and says you won't allow him inside the garden gate?' and then ' I can understand if there are times you don't want to be disturbed - tell me what times those are and I will make sure he doesn't knock. but at other times I would like you t treat my ds the same way I treat your DS, and not shout at him. Your DS spends a lot of time at our house, so I was surprised that you reacted so badly to DS knocking on your door'.

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Coconutty · 02/10/2016 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Trojanhorsebox · 02/10/2016 21:34

this week her son will be here for tea and being looked after

I don't think so, surely ? Not unless you are a childminder providing a professional service for which she is paying you or you get a really good explanation for her behaviour and an apology. It is not OK for her to treat your son like this and think she can carry on abusing your goodwill for free childcare. The boys can play together at school or whatever clubs they do, it doesn't have to be in your house if she can't treat you with respect.

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NicknameUsed · 02/10/2016 21:34

It's a bit weird that this woman doesn't let anyone else into the house or garden. Almost as if she has something to hide.

Perhaps she has a cannabis farm upstairs.

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converseandjeans · 02/10/2016 21:35

YANBU and I would feel the same way as you do. Even if she was tired and wanted a nap, she shouldn't have told your son off. It all sounds v one sided. However if the boys are good friends and your son enjoys the other boys company then keep things as they are. BUT I would definitely ask the other mother why on earth your son isn't allowed to call by.

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