DH overspending or am I ungrateful

(250 Posts)
Waiting4cakes Sat 01-Oct-16 20:04:54

Usually on Saturday DH drops me off at the supermarket then takes the DCs swimming. I get all the food shopping from two different supermarkets. Then I meet them in the cafe of the supermarket and we all have lunch.

However today I was feeling really ill this morning so he kindly offered to get the shopping after swimming/lunch. I said he could drop the DCs back here then go back to do the shopping if he wanted but he insisted it would be fine.

So I made him a list of things we definitely need but he said he knew what else to get. Which I assumed he would as well.

He arrives home with loads of stuff. He couldn't actually fit it all in the boot of the car he had that much so the DCs had loads of it on their laps. When I saw it I told him he had bought too much as usually it fits in the boot. He said he had only bought a couple of extras.

He was bringing it in and I was putting it away. There was loads of extras. It wouldn't all fit in the cupboards or the fridge/freezer. I found the receipt in one of the bags. He has spent over double what I usually spend.

I asked him why he had spent so much. He was full of excuses mostly that the DCs wanted stuff and he picked up stuff he fancied and he was doing a good thing for me and I wasn't being very grateful.
I thanked him for going but told him he had gone totally over the top and lots of it wouldn't get eaten.

He eventually muttered about maybe he had spent a little too much but he is still sulking now because he tried his best.

So AIBU or am I really ungrateful.

PaulAnkaTheDog Sat 01-Oct-16 20:08:00

Why even make something of it? It's not something he usually does, he cocked up a bit, no biggie. He probably got defensive due to your comments, finding the receipt and then your fake thanks followed by yet another comment.

manyathingyouknow Sat 01-Oct-16 20:10:09

YANBU but I'd probably just let it slide if he was helping you out f you weren't feeling well. He hasn't done it in malice although this is mumsnet so someone will be along in a min to tell you to LTB

Mimicat44 Sat 01-Oct-16 20:10:42

I don't see why you should have to be so grateful to him just for doing the food shopping one time. He normally gets to go swimming while you do it!

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 01-Oct-16 20:10:54

You pissed on his cornflakes a bit. He did something nice and you have him poop. U I think.

ConvincingLiar Sat 01-Oct-16 20:11:09

I think you probably are being a bit ungrateful, particularly to bring it up immediately. Instead I would be asking him each day what he plans the family should eat. Can you freeze any of it?

ConvincingLiar Sat 01-Oct-16 20:12:05

I don't know how many children you have, but I'd rather do the shopping than take them swimming.

GizmoFrisby Sat 01-Oct-16 20:12:40

I think he probably did his best. It's not the end of the world. You could maybe do it online next time your not feeling up to it so there's no upset?

SolomanDaisy Sat 01-Oct-16 20:13:19

It depends whether you're on a very tight budget and whether too much of the food is fresh and won't get eaten in time. If you can afford it, why worry?

sooperdooper Sat 01-Oct-16 20:13:21

Irritating but does he know how much your usual budget is? Not the end of the world unless it leaves you really short for cash?

Can you freeze stuff so it doesn't go off?

00100001 Sat 01-Oct-16 20:13:32

Take back what you can tomorrow?

BennyTheBall Sat 01-Oct-16 20:13:37

Blimey - he's not doing you a favour by doing the shopping.

If it means you're in the red or will have to throw things away, yanbu.

gleam Sat 01-Oct-16 20:13:55

Do a job badly enough and you won't be asked to do it again.

greenfolder Sat 01-Oct-16 20:14:23

Leave him be. It's a one off. He was being helpful. To be fair to my Dh there's loads of stuff he likes I never even think of buying. No doubt he would come home with cake and jam an all sorts.

Oly5 Sat 01-Oct-16 20:15:17

I think you're being over-critical

serin Sat 01-Oct-16 20:16:17

YABU He tried, but is clearly just not as experienced at doing the weekly shop as you are.

Was it all fresh food? or can some of it last until next week?

Could you ask a friend to put some of it in their freezer for you?

Waiting4cakes Sat 01-Oct-16 20:17:54

He doesn't really do the cooking/meal plans as he is working so it's up to me to sort it.
The freezer is already full. Also he has gotten a lot of stuff that can't really be used/frozen like 5 bags of apples and 10 boxes of cereal.

LyndaNotLinda Sat 01-Oct-16 20:18:11

Is it going to be wasted? Can you not afford it? Or are you just cross that he didn't follow your instructions?

expatinscotland Sat 01-Oct-16 20:20:34

Oh, here we go again! When de menz does something, it is 'helping' and your only and appropriate response is gratitude and praise if you're a woman. After all, poor man, he can't possibly realise he's buying twice what's normally there, I mean, how can he even keep track of that, that's your job, wifey? And of course, there needs to be a suggestion of how you can improve things next time - shop online, just overlook throwing food out, etc.

Waiting4cakes Sat 01-Oct-16 20:22:22

He doesn't swim with them he takes them to swimming lessons and then he swims by himself for a bit.

He should know how much we spend usually because we plan the budget together.

I see I am being unreasonable so I shall go and apologize.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Sat 01-Oct-16 20:22:55

Apples keep for ages in the fridge. Cereal keeps for months.

Keep listing. There will be a mumsnetter who will be able to tell you how to keep every food stuff in existence.

GingerbreadLatteToGo Sat 01-Oct-16 20:23:48

Given you take the kids swimming & have lunch in the cafe every week I assume your finances aren't extremely tight?!

Why will stuff need to be thrown out? Surely you can use stuff in date order & cook things that will keep in the fridge

I don't think it's a crime that he bought some stuff he likes, I'd hate never to buy what I wanted at the supermarket or have my partner 'tell me off' for buying food.

mytimewillcome Sat 01-Oct-16 20:27:12

10 boxes of cereal?? That does sound like he did it badly so he wouldn't be asked again.

GingerbreadLatteToGo Sat 01-Oct-16 20:27:54

An interesting couple of drips when the thread isnt going your way?

5 bags of apples
10 boxes of cereal
Takes the DC TO swimming

Waiting4cakes Sat 01-Oct-16 20:27:57

Some of its going to be wasted I may send him to the food bank with some of it Monday.
We can't really afford it but hopefully we can cut back a bit on other things.
In his defence he did get everything off the list of important things I gave him. He said he didn't need any more instructions as he knew what to do.

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