To ground my dd and not let her go to her bf bd party???

(165 Posts)
LoveMyRs Fri 30-Sep-16 23:03:29

My dd always talk back to me and she always complaining about something it's driving me mad I tried everything.
Was trying to do some homework today and she didn't think its fair and i ask her to behave otherwise and as usual she is like otherwise what? I hate when she does that.
I said do u want to do homework yes or no she said i am not sure
I was so angry and said i am not finishing ur dress for the party tomorrow and u are not going.
Sent her to bed she was sad then she said sorry and she wanted to do her homework but i said thats too late now and i make up my mind.
I feel bad and not sure what to do
If i let her go she will feel that what ever she does i will always put her happiness first and she can go away with anything because i love her so much. On the other hand not letting her go making me feel like a horrible mum.

BirthdayBirthday Fri 30-Sep-16 23:06:08

How old is she?

DixieWishbone Fri 30-Sep-16 23:21:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RealityCheque Fri 30-Sep-16 23:26:10

Don't threaten twatty punishments that are fucking stupid to follow through.

DerekSprechenZeDick Fri 30-Sep-16 23:30:07

It's just homework.

Her age?

allsfairinlove Fri 30-Sep-16 23:30:48

YABVU. What Reality said though not quite so, hum, forcefully! grin

HarryPottersMagicWand Fri 30-Sep-16 23:33:01

You are being ridiculously ott. Yes she may have a bit of an attitude. She came back and apologised and you threw it in her face. Nice going there.

If you don't let her go to a party over something so bloody trivial, what are you going to do if she really pushes the boundaries later on.

Wolfiefan Fri 30-Sep-16 23:38:42

You've tried everything? Like what?
In this instance you both sound like you behaved like stroppy kids.
You need to stay calm. You need to be clear what the consequence will be for bad behaviour. Otherwise isn't a consequence. Be clear and consistent.
Why on earth did you ask her if she wanted to do the Hw? What child on earth would stop mid strop and say "of course darling parent i would be delighted to!"
confused

CrazyNameCrazyGuy Fri 30-Sep-16 23:39:46

*I said do u want to do homework yes or no she said i am not sure
I was so angry and said i am not finishing ur dress for the party tomorrow and u are not going.*

Nice overreaction to a child not wanting to do homework.

PaulAnkaTheDog Fri 30-Sep-16 23:43:29

Don't be a dick RealityCheque.

DixieWishbone Fri 30-Sep-16 23:44:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog Fri 30-Sep-16 23:44:33

You missed out the initial part of the conversation there Crazy.

Mycraneisfixed Fri 30-Sep-16 23:47:13

Commas please OP.

TinklyLittleLaugh Fri 30-Sep-16 23:47:47

Let her win it back. She gets to be good, you get to praise and be nice Mum, everyone's happy.

BlancheBlue Sat 01-Oct-16 00:01:12

how old is she?

DixieWishbone Sat 01-Oct-16 00:09:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosesandcashmere Sat 01-Oct-16 00:10:22

Is this the same party you were angry that she wasn't invited to the other day?

HeddaGarbled Sat 01-Oct-16 00:10:37

If you stop her going to her best friend's party that is punishing her best friend as well as her and that's not fair to her friend. So I think that you should let her go.

Homework is meant to be for the children to do not for you to do. Do you think maybe you were being a bit heavy handed and over involved with it? She wasn't actually refusing to do the homework. She probably didn't want to do it. Homework is often boring. Asking her if she wants to do it, yes or no, is a bit of an unfair question as the honest answer is probably no. She was actually trying to mollify you and avoid conflict by saying she wasn't sure. But you still got angry with her.

Then she felt bad and tried to make it up with you but you continued the argument.

If you want to have a good relationship with her in the future, I think you need to calm down with the anger and punishments. Try and see things from her point of view a bit. Listen to what she is telling you or trying to tell you when she is complaining. I know it's hard, teenagers are hard work flowers

PaulAnkaTheDog Sat 01-Oct-16 00:20:55

Manners please Crane.

CrazyNameCrazyGuy Sat 01-Oct-16 00:26:09

You missed out the initial part of the conversation there Crazy.

Quite right. I'll fix that now.

Was trying to do some homework today and she didn't think its fair and i ask her to behave otherwise and as usual she is like otherwise what? I hate when she does that.

Did you tell her that "otherwise what" meant she would not be allowed to go to the party OP?

If so, and she outright refused (rather than saying "I am not sure") then you are right to enforce the clearly stated consequences.

If not then I stand by my original comment.

LoveMyRs Sat 01-Oct-16 00:30:45

She is almost 9
No not same party and going to this party was a reward as she have school tomorrow and i told her before that she can't go as she have school but as she did behaved i just told her today that i will take her early from school so she can make the party.
I know i was hard saying that and i was thinking of a way for her to earn it back.
My problem with her saying sorry is that I don't feel that she mean it.
She always come back to say sorry and its kind of her way to be out of trouble.
If you say sorry for something and u do the same thing again few hours later thats not sorry is it?

LoveMyRs Sat 01-Oct-16 00:33:28

She always feel that i am not being fair.
Putting off the tv after she had an hour is not fair.
Not allowing screen time in the morning as she will take ages to finish breakfast when its on is not fair.
Not being invited to her friend bd is not fair blush

allsfairinlove Sat 01-Oct-16 00:36:30

Poor kid. She's right. Life isn't fair.

allsfairinlove Sat 01-Oct-16 00:39:53

Sent her to bed she was sad then she said sorry and she wanted to do her homework but i said thats too late now and i make up my mind.

Doesn't sit well with

My problem with her saying sorry is that I don't feel that she mean it.

I do think you're being a bit heavy hand OP.

Fair enough if you want her to earn back her rewards. But you have to give her a chance to.

LoveMyRs Sat 01-Oct-16 00:41:03

Ok so let me ask another thing.
When she is playing on her ipad, i always give her a time but she doesn't seam to follow it so i started timing her myself letting her know 10mn before that she will need to put it off in 10mn then 5 then its time now.
She always need few mns more so i told her if you don't put it off the mn i say its finish u won't be allowed to use it tomorrow.
So again after she knows the rules she does the same thing just 2mn just 5mn but its not fair hmm
Thats when i take it and say you are not allowed play time tomorrow.
Then after she think about it for a mn she say sorry I won't do that again.
I did wave the punishment as she said sorry so though she learned but again same thing happened again.
And for the record I don't have a problem with the 2 extra mn its the way she ask and its the 5mn that she ask after the 2mn and so on if you know what i mean.
Thats why now when she say sorry I don't wave the punishment anymore as she thinks if i say sorry i get what i want

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