Aibu to expect my husband to either earn some money or give up sky bloody sports?

(28 Posts)
ClaudiaW Fri 30-Sep-16 20:49:12

I'm getting silent treatment from husband and son because he didn't have enough cash to take the boy to a promised sports event. I'm getting tired of fixing everything and trying to make everything ok when we are broke. I work full time but it's never enough.

Arfarfanarf Fri 30-Sep-16 20:51:05

Why doesnt he work?

PrincessOG16 Fri 30-Sep-16 20:52:49

If there's. Legitimate reason he doesn't work fair enough, otherwise tell him to step the Fuck up.

SillySongsWithLarry Fri 30-Sep-16 20:56:50

YANBU. He needs to step up and financially contribute or ensure that he isn't the cause of you living above your means. DH is a SAHD because we have a disabled child. He would not demand extravagances and expect me to pay for them!

DiegeticMuch Fri 30-Sep-16 21:25:42

Why isn't he working outside of the home? Has it been agreed that he's a SAHD? Does he do the bulk of the childcare and housework?

RunningLulu Sat 01-Oct-16 03:05:37

If he's the stay at home dad then YABU.

onecurrantbun1 Sat 01-Oct-16 06:03:27

He would not demand extravagances and expect me to pay for them!

What a disgusting attitude towards a man who has given up a career to care for your child together. Surely your money should be shared and he has every right to spend a proportion on Sky shit Sportsor other "extravagances" if you can affprd it?

somekindofmother Sat 01-Oct-16 06:10:37

i don't think it's unreasonable to expect the adults to make financial sacrifices if they are broke.
i assume the op is being expected to stump up cash that means they will go without somewhere else, or be late on a bill etc
i'm the sahp and i wouldn't ask oh to pay for a luxury like sky sports if we were broke.
when we were broke we gave up sky completely.

IsItJustFuck1ngMe Sat 01-Oct-16 09:09:01

Needs to MAN up and contribute. ...And certainly should not be encouraging your son to join him in a huff against you. Absolutely vile manipulation and terrible parenting on his part.

It's a shame the son has missed out yes, a better lesson would be that his son learns from his dad that you have to earn nice things with graft and they cannot be demanded by huff.

OurBlanche Sat 01-Oct-16 09:19:33

Wow! How many ways can one post misrepresent another?

What a disgusting attitude towards a man who has given up a career to care for your child together. Surely your money should be shared and he has every right to spend a proportion on Sky shit Sportsor other "extravagances" if you can affprd it?

And all done in just 2 sentences... congratulations!

Circuscats Sat 01-Oct-16 09:21:01

Weird that you aren't being spoken to because he hasn't earned money! Is this typical?

sooperdooper Sat 01-Oct-16 09:21:34

Is he a full time parent or just out of work and not looking? Makes a huge difference!

TaliDiNozzo Sat 01-Oct-16 10:13:02

Yeah we really need some more info here to judge accurately.

SAHPs are entitled to some luxuries the same as a working parent would be. It's family money. But if, as a family, you are being expected to sacrifice essentials for sports (either TV or otherwise) then obviously he is unreasonable.

onecurrantbun1 Sat 01-Oct-16 10:40:11

OurBlanche I don't feel I misrepresented another poster as I quoted them directly - I do feel that the attitude that a SAHP is not entitled to luxuries, and that a WOHP refers to the money as "my money", pretty unacceptable.

Obviously we don't know whether OP IBU or not without further info, but the wording of Larry's post did make my hackles rise I must admit.

onecurrantbun1 Sat 01-Oct-16 10:43:48

OurBlanche I don't feel I misrepresented Larry as I quoted the post directly. I do indeed feel that in a SAHP/WOHP set up it is unacceptable to refer to earned income as "my money" and imply that the SAHP shouldn't have luxuries. Clearly if any grown adult, SAHP or not, were indeed "demanding" to be kept in designer outfits when money was tight, that's unacceptable, but I didn't read Larry's post like that.

emotionsecho Sat 01-Oct-16 10:52:58

Larry? Who is Larry?

TapDancingPimp Sat 01-Oct-16 10:57:08

grin

OurBlanche Sat 01-Oct-16 11:00:11

Larry is the poster SillySongsWithLarry who posted

YANBU. He needs to step up and financially contribute or ensure that he isn't the cause of you living above your means. DH is a SAHD because we have a disabled child. He would not demand extravagances and expect me to pay for them!

Which current reduced to He would not demand extravagances and expect me to pay for them! and seems to think is the same as having Larry having said that any SAHP can just fuck off and be grateful for what they get!

Obviously neither Larry nor the OP said any such thing, they just pointed out that money doesn't grow on trees and if the family purse is empty then 'luxury' or unnecessary purchases are going to be axed, no matter how upsetting that is!

BlackeyedSusan Sat 01-Oct-16 11:02:20

FFS. sahp here. we, as a family, made sacrifices, as a family, for the need (disabled children) for one of us to stay at home. that includes not having things like sky sports.

simple economics.

is there more back story to this?

raisedbyguineapigs Sat 01-Oct-16 11:05:24

Theyre broke. Sky Sports is an overpriced extravagance at the best of times. If your doing and only one person is earning, I think that person has a right to have a say if family money is being spent on extravagances. It's not the sahp having money for haircuts and coffee out. It's at least £100 a month, every month.

emotionsecho Sat 01-Oct-16 11:05:51

Thanks OurBlanche I missed that blush.

Perhaps the OP could provide a bit more information as to the family dynamics, but I agree if money is tight irrespective of how/or who earns it luxuries have to be cut and compromises made.

onecurrantbun1 Sat 01-Oct-16 11:35:52

Thanks for clarifying OurBlanche, obviously it all depends on context. I don't think it's right that any normal adult demand anything, or have luxuries when money is tight. Of course disposable income does not exist in a bubble and if you can't afford it you can't afford it.

I'm genuinely sorry if I have misconstrued something - it is very hard to tell without more details. I was only going on how i would feel if my DH had said similar about, say, me wanting a new dress for a night out.

SillySongsWithLarry Sat 01-Oct-16 12:50:48

I don't have a disgusting attitude to SAHP at all and all of our money is joint, transparent and equal. What I was saying is we as a family can't afford regular expensive outgoings and live a lifestyle that is well within our means. DH does not suggest that he would like more than our lot in life. That isn't a reflection on my feelings towards him as a non earning adult at all.

dowhatnow Sat 01-Oct-16 13:02:01

If the money isn't there, the money isn't there asnd shouldn't be spent on non essentials.
However if the op is still spending on non essentials then I would be more sympathetic towards him, likewise if he isn't making any effort to get a job and they havent agreed that he is a SAHD, then I have more sympathy towards the op. We need more info.

roarityroar Sat 01-Oct-16 13:04:25

I would just cancel it in your position.

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