To ask why this guy seems terrified of me

(31 Posts)
definetlynotbored Fri 30-Sep-16 20:39:30

So I met him at a training course that lasted several weeks. We got on great and he was pretty flirty (but he flirts with anything remotely attractive and under 40) so that means nothing.

Our group then decided to meet up outside of the training as we got on. Outside of training he seems terrified of me. He flirts with everyone but me and completely ignores me! I actually found him quite attractive but would never ever have flirted as at the time he had a girlfriend but I'm really worried he picked up on it so is keeping his distance now.

I'm not expecting anything with him but it would be nice to not be ignored and stared at in a grumpy way! I'm rubbish at psychology and don't really understand it as I've never done anything bad towards him and I've never been flirty back.

Whenever the night ends he will always be lovely and spend some time asking me to contact him if I need help with anything but thats only at the end.

No matter where I am he will walk to so he does like being around me but not actually speak to me.

He has me on social media but never contacts me.

He seems genuinely scared of me and avoids any eye contact. I'm not going to ask him whats up (well maybe if I get drunk I will haha). It's not really worth upsetting him and caushing more awkwardness within the group. Can anyone shed some light onto this situation please. I know you won't know but what seems to be going on here and any ideas on what I can do to put it right.

icelollycraving Fri 30-Sep-16 20:43:16

He fancies you?

ChasedByBees Fri 30-Sep-16 20:44:54

What she said.

definetlynotbored Fri 30-Sep-16 20:45:05

I'm not very attractive so I doubt he fancies me.

definetlynotbored Fri 30-Sep-16 20:46:19

I'm panicking that he knows I find him attractive. But I never flirted. blush

icelollycraving Fri 30-Sep-16 20:47:27

Well some people can merrily flirt away with someone they don't fancy as it's safe.

definetlynotbored Fri 30-Sep-16 20:48:40

He flirts with anything. I didn't take that to mean anything. All it means is he found me flirtable. He flirts with any youngish woman who is reasonably attractive.

Amandahugandkisses Fri 30-Sep-16 20:50:50

It's his problem not yours. I would honestly just leave him to his little game and distance myself.

definetlynotbored Fri 30-Sep-16 20:53:26

I'm too nosey not to wonder. grin

MillionToOneChances Fri 30-Sep-16 21:56:45

He fancies you. I take it from your post that he's single now? I think he's good at casual flirting and less good if he actually wants to be with someone.

I dare you, next time he comes over at the end and is chatty, to say that you wish you'd seen him earlier in the evening because he's great to talk to (or something along those lines).

definetlynotbored Sat 01-Oct-16 08:03:57

I kind of want to flirt back but deep down I get the feeling he isn't interested (eventhough a few people say he is) and I don't want to makew an idiot of myself.

I mean he ignores me which isn't really showing he fancies me. He talks to me in a really unenthusiastic way and can make mean jokes at times.

In the training he was lovely and stood up for me but he's so different now it's finished. Maybe he was just bored in training and was like that because he was bored.

He happily flirts with everyone else but me, sometimes I feel he flirts in front of me deliberately though.

He rarely likes anything on my social media account, never contacts me so could an interested guy do that?

Obviously when he was like this he had a long term girlfriend. I've only met him once since they split and that was a few while ago. Maybe at our next meet up, being a single man he will be different. We shall see.

TheSparrowhawk Sat 01-Oct-16 08:19:41

He sounds like a total dick. Avoid.

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs Sat 01-Oct-16 08:24:06

I'm with Sparrow, can you really be arsed?

CJCreggsGoldfish Sat 01-Oct-16 08:27:47

Agree with Sparrow and Empress. I just couldn't muster any enthusiasm for a man that played games like this. You're better off without him.

definetlynotbored Sat 01-Oct-16 08:28:36

I agree to an extent that I should probably just forget it. But unfortunately he's not going away any time soon as he's part of our friendship group.

I just worry it's something I've done. I will have to ask him at some point I guess.

lalalalalaaa Sat 01-Oct-16 08:28:47

Why would you be interested in a man who 'happily flirts with everyone' when he had a long term girlfriend? He sounds like a bit of a dick TBH, I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot bargepole!

myownprivateidaho Sat 01-Oct-16 08:30:40

I'm wondering why you care? Sounds like you fancy him and you want his lack of attention to you to mean that he is terrified of talking to you because he fancies you. I mean, maybe it does mean that, but it could also be that he doesn't like you at all.

myownprivateidaho Sat 01-Oct-16 08:33:10

Actually, I think the most likely explanation is that he likes you as a person (hence coming to chat to you etc) but may have picked up that you like him and wants to make clear that he is not interested in you in that way (hence lack of eye contact, withdrawing etc). If he is generally flirty and confident it seems unlikely that he is 'terrified'.

TheSparrowhawk Sat 01-Oct-16 08:33:52

Who cares if it's something you've done? Avoid this guy, I know his type and he's bad news.

Steppenwolfe Sat 01-Oct-16 08:53:47

You sound way over invested in a guy who's a bit of a dickhead tbh. Give yourself a shake and avoid like the plague unless you are are possibly all teenagers . 🙄

definetlynotbored Sat 01-Oct-16 09:00:24

Actually, I think the most likely explanation is that he likes you as a person (hence coming to chat to you etc) but may have picked up that you like him and wants to make clear that he is not interested in you in that way (hence lack of eye contact, withdrawing etc)

This is what I think. He's definitely not nasty at all or else I wouldn't be bothering. He just avoids me. He seems scared of me/ uncomfortable with me. Which makes me super embarrassed. blush He the first guy I've ever met who is like that with me though so I can take comfort in the fact I don't generally repel men. grin

He's always been lovely to me in training so until we started out meeting outside of training I thought he was a lovely, friendly guy. also thought he enjoyed my company as he was always around me but then he avoided me like the plague. Ah well, I agree, best to forget it.

Blarblarblar Sat 01-Oct-16 09:02:32

I mostly think that if a kind confident man is interested they treat you that way. I don't think this guy is and may have an inkling you are and doesn't want to give you the wrong idea.
Seriously though he does sound an ass I wouldn't bother if I was you.

myownprivateidaho Sat 01-Oct-16 09:03:33

Yeah, I think you're right. Also, it sounds like you also might have a bit of a crush so may be over-analysing his actions. If nothing in particular has happened, he probably isn't 'avoiding you like the plague' and I'm sure there's still scope for a friendly, platonic, professional relationship! But yeah, I think I'd try to repress the romantic thoughts, sounds like he's not interested and also not worth it.

definetlynotbored Sat 01-Oct-16 09:08:23

A lot of women seem to like him and he likes the attention of then flirting with him and making comments towards him. It's only me he avoids. Who knows, maybe I've offended him.

Thank you ladies, I will forget about it.

InsertWittyPunHere Sat 01-Oct-16 09:11:14

Why have you talked about this with other people (you say upthread you have) and posted a thread about it as well ... It is as if they didn't give you the answer you wanted?

You are very over invested in this. I don't think it sounds like he likes you romantically sorry....it seems like he knew you were doing well in the training so used your knowledge maybe to buff himself and now doesn't need it so isn't bothering to suck up anymore.

Either question his behaviour, accept that your not best pals or just acknowledge your feelings and ask him out .... All the cloak and dagger break down of his actions is just obsessive and can be interpreted differently by your own desires do is useless anyway

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