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AIBU?

Husband shouts at me

38 replies

splendidglenda · 29/09/2016 17:17

My head is buzzing. Has been going on for a while but goes through phases. He's also been aggressive with my eldest with shouting and has got physical like standing in his space and just being plain nasty.

The thing is I know I'm not going to go through with leaving him. Have had a tough few years. I tried to split up with him last year but I felt suicidal most days, fearing that I'd ruined my children's lives and didn't feel like I could cope. The younger two adore their dad. Probably wasting time posting this but feels lonely sometimes.

OP posts:

Report

SoleBizzz · 29/09/2016 17:18

Your children's mental and emotional health suffers.

TotallyOuting · 29/09/2016 17:21

You are allowing your husband to abuse your eldest (and the others in a more indirect way). Your eldest at least will come to hate you for this.

madein1995 · 29/09/2016 17:21

Op don't worry about leaving your partner being bad on the kids, it'll be the best gift you can give them. Eben the younger ones who adore him will be picking up on what he is doing to you and this will affect them. You're worth more than this op, you really are. Contact your local women's aid maybe? Even if you're not ready to leave they can support you

nilbyname · 29/09/2016 17:22

Call women's aid.

bakingaddict · 29/09/2016 17:23

Do you honestly believe they adore him or are just scared and eager to please because they know otherwise they'll be on the receiving end of his temper. Don't delude yourself is all I'm advising

madein1995 · 29/09/2016 17:23

Because what he is doing - shouting at you, ruining your confidence - is emotional abuse and you don't have to put up with it. You are a strong brave woman op

BastardGoDarkly · 29/09/2016 17:26

I think you will leave, it's just when, which child suffering at the hands of this bastard will tip the scales.

I'm not trying to guilt trip you, it's true, you're all suffering, for how long?

chickenowner · 29/09/2016 17:58

My Dad was like this with my Mum. She stayed with him as she thought it was best for me and my sibling. They finally split up when we were in our late teenage years. We both wish they had split up years before as growing up in that sort of atmosphere is horrible!

It took me years and years to realise that married people are supposed to like each other!

splendidglenda · 29/09/2016 17:59

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it. Feel so down but the worst thing is that I am dependent on this man. I honestly don't think I can cope on my own. I hear what you are saying and I'd be saying the same to someone else. I have been trying to make small steps towards improving all of our lives.

OP posts:

Arfarfanarf · 29/09/2016 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

splendidglenda · 29/09/2016 18:05

I know this all sounds very pathetic. I'm not after sympathy. I know that as an adult I am responsible for my kids and myself. I just can't make that step at the moment. Have previously been seriously mentally unwell. Was even an inpatient for a short while. Still on a lot of med. Feel unable to rock the boat.

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pregnantat50 · 29/09/2016 18:08

one day you will get the courage to leave him. I was with mine for 28 years, now i feel 'normal' for the first time in my life. i no longer work late to avoid confrontation and arguments, my 3 kids are happier now too (although all in their 20s...sadly it took him attacking our daughter to make me take the step to freedom, it hard as abuse ends up feeling normal and it isnt.

dont leave it too long and we will be here when you are ready xx

ChasingAPinkBall · 29/09/2016 18:09

My SD used to shout at my Mum calling me all the names under the sun. She never defended me or left him.
It completely changed my view of her. She wasn't on my side. As far as I could see, she chose him above me. It affected my relationship with her immeasurably and I left home as soon as I possibly could.
If she'd have stood up to him and left him for the way he treated us our relationship would've been so different and my self esteem would've been a hell of a lot better!
Leave for your kids. It WILL affect your son being shouted at like that.

pregnantat50 · 29/09/2016 18:10

i thought i needed him too, but i was happier being 50k in debt but free of the abuse...seriously nothing is worth being used as an emotional punch bag

pregnantat50 · 29/09/2016 18:12

chasingapinkball has put it very well. my kids all have nothing to do with him now and have been very supportive, i feel they supported me when i should have supported them..in the end as a family we got there but sooner rather than later please xx

splendidglenda · 29/09/2016 18:12

I do stand up for my son but I know it's damaging

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splendidglenda · 29/09/2016 18:23

There has been a whole saga of social service involvement and intensive family resource team support. Eldest son has previously been on a CIN plan due to the fact that things got physical between him and husband.

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QuiteLikely5 · 29/09/2016 18:31

So you've had SW involvement and yet the abuse continues.

Everything they told you has gone ignored because you cannot or are not willing to put your children's needs above your own.

All you are doing is teaching your children a warped view of the world, a dysfunctional one and it will be all they know.

Do you really believe that your children adore this man? The one who shouts and scares them???

The answer is obvious but for some reason they feel unable to communicate that to you.

You have got a way out. SW can help you move etc they can help you cope with the life after the abuse but nope instead you choose to stay in order to let everyone suffer more of the same.

Hard to read but true!

splendidglenda · 29/09/2016 18:37

SS closed the case back in the spring

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pinkyredrose · 29/09/2016 18:41

How old are the DC? Is he the father of the eldest?

JellyBelli · 29/09/2016 18:43

Please contact Womens Aid for support and help.

0808 2000 247

Freephone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline Run in partnership between Women’s Aid & Refuge
www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CLTFlMWzgs8CFQaNGwod4qgDMQ

splendidglenda · 29/09/2016 18:44

Eldest is nearly an adult and other two are primary school age

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QuiteLikely5 · 29/09/2016 18:44

Show them your post and see what they think

GiantHulkHands · 29/09/2016 19:03

OP please call one of the numbers given above and speak to someone about how you're feeling. You don't have to decide anything else about your future, small steps etc but please do speak to someone who can properly listen and help you.

BantyCustards · 29/09/2016 19:04

I was in exactly the same situation.

We are far happier without Mr Nasty

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