To ask what people think about this...

(12 Posts)
houseymchousewife Thu 29-Sep-16 15:56:05

Have NC for this as I don't want to be recognised. I've just read a thread on here which has got me thinking. Back story (don't want to drip feed) -
Me and DP both work fairly physical jobs - however he works one more five hour shift than me weekly. DP had a while off work with depression and during this time kept the house fairly immaculate (how he likes it)
Anyhow fast forward to now and things have done a complete back flip. I now do pretty much everything except when he chooses to do things whilst bored or I'm preoccupied with something important like DCs homework and it really needs doing which is rare. Am I being a mug?

HeyMacWey Thu 29-Sep-16 15:57:20

Yes - talk about sharing responsibility and tasks equally.

HeyMacWey Thu 29-Sep-16 15:57:42

*with your dh

houseymchousewife Thu 29-Sep-16 15:59:00

I've tried. And get looked at as if I'm nagging. When he finishes work he eats, bathes and sits on the sofa pretty much until bed time. I express my annoyance regularly when asked to get him a brew or a snack. It's like he just doesn't care confused

HeyMacWey Thu 29-Sep-16 16:02:33

It sounds like he doesn't care sad

Is he still depressed?

HeyMacWey Thu 29-Sep-16 16:04:46

Does he interact with any family responsibilities?

houseymchousewife Thu 29-Sep-16 16:05:26

Tbh yeah he probably is and always will be (I understand why and all that) but he wants to get on with life as normal hence the job. From what I can see he is a totally different man at work than at home and can't do enough for people. I feel like his slave but also feel like I should just keep the peace for sake of our DC. However when he starts doing 'chores' - to his standard/preference and huffing like I've not done enough I want to fucking scream at him and tell him to do it himself in the fucking first place angry

houseymchousewife Thu 29-Sep-16 16:06:04

He is a generally good father but he seems to have delegated in his mind 'dad jobs' and 'mum jobs'

HeyMacWey Thu 29-Sep-16 16:20:14

Have you thought about marriage counselling or something like that?

Perhaps he needs to hear how much this is impacting on you with a third party present.

Sounds like he's hard work.
Don't just keep the peace for your kids. You'll end up resenting him even more and you want your kids to grow up understanding what it means to be an equal partner in a relationship.

AnythingMcAnythingface Thu 29-Sep-16 17:22:06

Depression is not an excuse. Unless he is actively working on it. But just to say he's depressed and give him a free pass is not helpful to anyone (not you, not him, not kids).

Depression can be cured, but not without hard work and you have to want to change. Sometimes being a victim becomes part of your identity and then it's very hard to shift.

Be compassionate but firm. flowers

ClopySow Thu 29-Sep-16 17:32:10

when asked to get him a brew or a snack

Fuck that, tell him to get his own.

One night just do the same as him. Flop on the sofa and ask him for stuff. See how he reacts.

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