First of all, we are (were) quite a close family. Lots of visits, even though I live at the other end of the country now. We are loving and close and we've all always got on.
My eldest cousin and I have always got on really well, right from when we were kids. So when he got together (later in life) with his partner, we were all really happy for him. They didn't seem particularly well matched, and she did seem to rule the roost a little bit, but he made no secret that he was desperate for children and they quickly had 2 lovely, lovely children.
Through those early years she did suffer with PND, and we all did what we could to support her (bringing shopping, babysitting, that kind of thing) and my cousin even put both children in ft nursery even though his partner didn't work so that she could get a break from the kids. As I say; no judgement here, I put my DS in nursery when I was on mat leave a few sessions to give myself a break as I also suffered with PND. My point is, money was tight for them because of this and there's a point to this later.
At Christmas last year, my mum initiated a group Whatsapp saying she wanted to get the family out to Christmas lunch at a restaurant, as my uncles are both on their own and one has adult disabled children, and my grandparents are getting on a bit now so it might be a nice idea. My cousin and his partner declined, saying that they wanted Christmas Day at home by themselves.
However, my cousin's partner went round to visit my grandparents with the children and asked my grandad if they would pay for them to go to the meal, as they had overspent and couldn't afford to go (my aunt later disclosed they'd spent over £1000 on each child, and defaulted on the mortgage that month; she got a notification as she is the guarantor for them, and obviously demanded an explanation).
Now as the meal was £70 per head (Christmas Day) plus wine, it was a bit pricey anyway, plus there's no way 2 pensioners are going to afford that! Obviously my grandad had to say no, and by that point it was only 10 days before Christmas and the restaurant was fully booked (I know this was true as we originally couldn't come due to work commitments, but then our plans changed and when we phoned the restaurant; they said they couldn't accommodate us, so we ended up staying home ourselves).
However, all was fine and dandy, and we all swapped gifts and messages and had a good time.
Nothing seemed awry until just before Easter, when I noticed I had been blocked by both my cousin and his partner. I was shocked because when I looked back through messages; we'd definitely ended on a good note 'see you soon' etc. I spoke to other family members, who confirmed they had also been blocked. No reasons given, just cut off from Facebook, phones, the lot. My aunt said my cousin's partner had been upset about the Christmas meal and not having been invited; but they clearly were! There were other people who couldn't make it due to distance or financial commitments or whatever and everyone had just accepted it. Until my grandad mentioned the payment issue on Boxing Day; none of us actually had any idea that they hadn't wanted to stay home by themselves.
It's clear they want no contact from us. We've sent birthday cards etc this year, but had none in return and much less been unblocked. My mum thinks we should continue to send cards and gifts at Christmas this year, but I think it's throwing good money after bad, and also I think at this point; we're forcing ourselves on them. Like; 'you WILL have this card and gift!' And I wonder if that actually seems a bit aggressive?
My man sent both kids cards and money (£20 each, which is a lot for her) and got no acknowledgement.
AIBU to just leave this? There have been no cross words, I don't have a problem at all if they unblock and start talking again; I'm totally happy to be friends again, but AIBU to leave them alone until they unfrost?
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AIBU?
AIBU to not send Christmas presents to my cousin and his family?
23 replies
milkmilklemonade12 · 28/09/2016 20:52
OP posts:
DixieWishbone ·
28/09/2016 22:14
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DixieWishbone ·
28/09/2016 22:32
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FrancisCrawford ·
28/09/2016 22:33
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