To notice a new brand of 'cool wives' on mumsnet

(208 Posts)
Penhacked Wed 28-Sep-16 19:54:46

They are not 'cool wives' in the original sense, I.e. because they let dh go drinking with leggy blondes on a school night and rock into bed hammered at 2am.... but they are so damn competent as mothers that they are fine for dh to go away for a week without notice leaving them with five under 5s, cook dinner every night while simultaneously batheing the children with a baby in a sling breastfeeding etc etc.
Is it just me that has noticed this new trend of 'I can manage it blindfold, stop complaining op and suck it up'??

bibbitybobbityyhat Wed 28-Sep-16 20:00:46

Nah, it's nothing new.

We should have a new emoji though. A medal of smugness or something like that.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 28-Sep-16 20:02:14

It's always been thus.

myownprivateidaho Wed 28-Sep-16 20:02:50

I feel like when someone posts about their DH going away on holiday on his own or not pulling his weight the overwhelming majority of comments are about how he needs to get his act together, not that the OP should put up.

MyBreadIsEggy Wed 28-Sep-16 20:06:30

Depends on the person posting in this "new brand of cool wife" style. For example, what you describe in your OP is the norm for me a lot of the time - not by choice though. DH is in the forces and I spend a lot of time home by myself as sole caregiver/housekeeper/chef/gardener etc. Nothing to do with being a "cool wife" or "supermum"....if I could choose to have help more often then I would!!

TheWitTank Wed 28-Sep-16 20:12:33

Agree mybread -that IS my life. Nothing to brag about and I'm not supermum by any degree, but I do work fucking hard and I do fit it all in. If that makes me cool then great grin. I would never purposely make someone else feel like shit for not coping.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 28-Sep-16 20:14:03

It has always been there. I also heard it from every person whose youngest child was over 14. Apparently they used to do everything just fine and their baby slept because they did X and was polite because Y and etc etc.

I reckon they've blocked how horrific it really was and are remembering themselves and their friends as far more competent than they were.

TotallyOuting Wed 28-Sep-16 20:16:19

I think they arrived with the latest MRAs pretending to be women or perhaps handmaidens to such post-feminist brigade.

MyBreadIsEggy Wed 28-Sep-16 20:16:23

TheWit maybe that's the difference though? Because it's the norm for us, it doesn't feel brag-worthy or anything special? I've never known any different! DH went off to Afghanistan immediately after his paternity leave, so I was thrown in at the deep end of the parenting pool for the first 6 months of dd's life. And there were definitely a lot of days where I didn't cope. I still have days like that....same as everyone does!!!!

MycatsaPirate Wed 28-Sep-16 20:18:40

Single parents do this all the time. They have no choice admittedly but really when you are doing it day in, day out, it's hard bloody work but you need to find a way to cope.

I am no longer a single parent and my dc are older but still need to juggle my time between an 18 year old who still needs my time and attention (and lifts everywhere) and an 11 year old dd who has ASD and needs a lot of time spent with her.

I don't think it's a case of being 'cool' but more a case of you have decided to have the dc and you do just need to crack on with things.

One of my friends has a disabled DH plus 7 dc. Number 7 wasn't planned and only discovered when she was 5 months gone after being taken in for surgery for her gall bladder. She has two older boys, four younger boys all at primary and a newborn girl. She does it all on her own all the time for all the kids AND her DH.

0pti0na1 Wed 28-Sep-16 20:19:48

I know what you mean, but on the other hand IRL there's a pressure to play down the difficult things. Lots of sage advice on positivity and how to ditch your "negative" friends for example.

Tootsiepops Wed 28-Sep-16 20:22:26

I was pondering this today. I am a spectacularly shit mother. My daughter is 10 months old and she's furious about 80% of the day. I wonder how I'm getting it so wrong when I'm doing the same things all the other mums do. My LO is just difficult. My husband got home from work at 7pm and had to go to the supermarket because I've not been able to make dinner again.

Yet, the other day I was in London and shared an elevator with a woman who had twin boys in a double buggy - they looked about 5 months old. She had a toddler in a sling on her back, and a four or five year old walking beside her. They were going to a party.

My mouth was hanging open for about three days afterwards and all I could think or say was how??!

AnythingMcAnythingface Wed 28-Sep-16 20:25:06

I haven't noticed that. I love hearing when women are doing well and coping admirably.

I feel very powerless when I read about women blatantly struggling to cope, loosing their selves and who have just gotten into a real downward spiral.

Yika Wed 28-Sep-16 20:26:15

That's funny Tootsiepops. I only have one and work part time and still feel harried and haggard and only just coping!!

And yes some children are just more difficult.

KitKats28 Wed 28-Sep-16 20:26:35

Convince yourself she was a nanny Tootsiepops wink

NavyandWhite Wed 28-Sep-16 20:26:36

Some women get on with it. Why is that a bad thing?

bummyknocker Wed 28-Sep-16 20:26:38

Depends what you have to do with how much practice- I'm a childminder and people are always amazed I have 6/7/8 kids for tea, it wasn't always easy but now I'm used to it and do it with backwards with my eyes shut.

Same with my own kids - I've never had any help from family and have always had to just get on with it - or sink.

Define 'cool' anyway? confused

ClopySow Wed 28-Sep-16 20:27:34

I am a very cool wife. Except that i don't have a husband. All the rest is true though.

IamWendy Wed 28-Sep-16 20:28:55

They always come onto threads where someone is struggling, and offer up insane 'fixes' to their problems.
"Just stick the baby in a sling, walk the six miles to the shops and carry the food home on your head like the African ladies do"

NavyandWhite Wed 28-Sep-16 20:30:02

And this is a taat is it not.

user1471531273 Wed 28-Sep-16 20:31:12

I find things easier to a degree when my husband is away. Because I know I HAVE to do everything, so every moment is usually spent doing something.

It's challenging and things don't always go to plan but just don't sweat the small stuff.

Taking time out for myself is important. Doing nothing is a thing. 😉✌️

scaryteacher Wed 28-Sep-16 20:31:16

Mybread - it was my life too until very recently when dh retired after 34 years in the RN. I was used to him going off to sea at short notice (think 4 hours notice on Christmas Eve); he was at sea when I had ds and didn't know he was born until three days later; and we spent 4 years weekending, and two years later, two years six weeking as he had a married unaccompanied foreign, until it was extended and ds and I moved abroad to join him.

There ain't no one else going to do it for you, so you just get on with it. That doesn't mean that when you are trying to fix your heating at 0300 and swearing sulphurously that you are 'cool'......

SaggyNaggy Wed 28-Sep-16 20:31:57

The "new brand" I've noticed are the "social network" mums. Bloggers and media whores etc.
The GF reads one that I think is just drivel really, bangs oin about how they've packed the school lunch, with freshly made this and organicly sourced that, home made yoghurt using only milk from an albino mountain yak that grazes the east slope of the Himalayas. Etc.

I can't help but think that its all well and good if you make a living by writing a blog of whatever for 2 hours a day but if you were up at 5.30am, had to catch a train at 7 to get to work for 9 and then youre not home till 6.30pm just to pay bills, you'd be giving sarnies and a bag of crisps too. I am a bitter fucker though. grin

Doggity Wed 28-Sep-16 20:32:15

Well, single parents don't have the choice, do they?! Also some women are married to men who are disabled and cannot care. They just get on with it, snide name calling is a bit off.

EllaHen Wed 28-Sep-16 20:33:38

My dh is going away with work next week and I'm getting my Mum to move in. grin

It will still be a lot harder than having dh here.

I always feel sorry for women who are told to suck it up when they come on here seeking support.

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