I don't think I should cook every night

(764 Posts)
LurkyLurkerMcLurkface Wed 28-Sep-16 17:10:59

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with 8 month DS. DH works full time and is out of the house 8am-6pm. Our evening routine is pretty set, he gets in and takes DS, I get food ready for DS. He'll then sit with DS while he eats. He then does books/bath and I do final feed and settle. I then come down and cook
Every. Fucking. Night
Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it. He's been sulking since.
AIBU to think this should be a shared job?

specialsubject Wed 28-Sep-16 17:13:00

yes, but you could make life a lot easier with batch cooking. Perhaps as a team at weekends?

then a reheat, some rice/pasta and it is done.

Nanasueathome Wed 28-Sep-16 17:13:43

Why can you not prepare the evening meal during the day?
You could make a pie or a lasagne and then just put into the oven to cook at the required time
All preparation can be done in advance
Even use a slow cooker to do chilli, curry or a stew and then just dish out at required time

Walkacrossthesand Wed 28-Sep-16 17:14:03

What does he do while you feed & settle DS?

Lighthouseturquoise Wed 28-Sep-16 17:14:55

No you shouldn't have to cook every night, but I wouldn't have cooked for myself and left him out that just seems childish. How has it got to that point?

Surely you can come to some agreement about who cooks and when. Can't your 8 month old just eat whatever you're having?

wobblywonderwoman Wed 28-Sep-16 17:14:59

Tricky - if he's at work until six I think you should do it but he should at weekends.

Agree a million percent with batch cooking

dementedpixie Wed 28-Sep-16 17:15:04

When you make stuff for your ds could you not be making something for all of you and give your ds some of it. Or he could do what my dh does and do most of the cooking when he gets home from work

Sparklesilverglitter Wed 28-Sep-16 17:15:42

Yanbu

I've not long had my DD so I'm on maternity leave and dh has not long returned to work after his parental leave. I cook from scratch 2 times a week, 3 nights ( DH is home late these days) we have a ready meal dinner or a freezer batch cook job, DH cooks Saturday, Sunday when his home and on a Monday when his home early.

Cooking IMO should always be a shared job regardless or 1 person working, 2 working etc.

Wineandrosesagain Wed 28-Sep-16 17:17:50

Yes it is a shared job! He works during the day but so do you - your job at the moment is looking after DS. It's not like you're sitting around on your backside all day with nothing to do but planning meals for DH. I remember on my maternity leave I could barely feed myself (lost loads of weight - sadly put it back on again) because DD was so clingy, was struggling to feed her etc. I found it difficult to cope with everything and generally the house was a tip. And I had a very senior role at work - I felt ridiculous that I was so fazed by a tiny baby. But DH totally understood - he rushed home from work every day to take over with the baby, cooked a quick stir-fry or whatever, and gave me some precious breathing space. Your DH needs to step up.

painbadger Wed 28-Sep-16 17:18:00

It is a pain to cook every night. Perhaps you need to talk about it and split chores more evenly or on a rota basis. He needs to understand that being at home with 2 little ones is hard work.

Make it easy on yourselves some nights - some tortellini (3 mins in boiling water) and some jarred pesto, a bag of salad. Scrambled egg with smoked salmon and spinach - that sort of thing that takes a few minutes and anyone can cook - including your husband.

Arfarfanarf Wed 28-Sep-16 17:18:11

Why isnt it a shared job? When you told him that you want to vary the evening routine, what did he say?

Scarydinosaurs Wed 28-Sep-16 17:18:25

It should be shared- but surely you can do easier meals that can be cooking during the day? It seems silly to cook at night when you're around during the day?

Lighthouseturquoise Wed 28-Sep-16 17:18:45

You must all be eating really late. Can you cook something earlier and all eat together at 6? Your husband could cook at weekends. Or have one night where you have a takeaway/ready meal.

SheldonsSpot Wed 28-Sep-16 17:19:30

He should definitely be chipping in with cooking at the weekend, but I think you could othbotganise uoiselvrs a bit better so that 'cooking' during the week some nights just involves throwing something into the oven.

It's not like he's getting in from work and sitting on his arse all night. And just cooking for yourself last night was petty.

Pinkheart5915 Wed 28-Sep-16 17:20:19

Yanbu

DS always eats at 5 as he goes to bed at 6:30pm so I always cook for him or give him some batched cooked chilli for example.

DH gets in between 7-8pm and then either me or him cook and have dinner together. DH cooks 2 week nights and we cook together at weekends as we enjoy it

Fuckingbollocksbugger Wed 28-Sep-16 17:20:27

It was incredibly childish to just cook for yourself and not him if you'd not bothered to have a conversation with him first.

I'm also on mat leave and always cook (DH hates it and I love it) but he does most of the cleaning at the weekend.

I can't batch cook as I don't have a big enough freezer, only an icebox. Maybe op has a similar issue.

SheldonsSpot Wed 28-Sep-16 17:21:48

*but I think you could both organise yourselves a bit better

Lunar1 Wed 28-Sep-16 17:22:08

Did you say you didn't want to cook? Because just not making him food without a word when it's your routine would be awful.

I'd be pretty pissed if dh suddenly decided he wasn't going to work anymore without discussion.

UsernameHistory Wed 28-Sep-16 17:22:41

So, after you bring at home, he should get in at 6pm. Then cook. Then sit with his child and eat, then book and bath?

Wouldn't that push your child's bedtime back to a ridiculous time?

Assuming he works 5/7 days then yes, he should give you a break and roles should be swapped around a bit at the weekend.

Last night I'd had enough and cooked for myself and left him to it.

That makes you sound like a dick.

wobblywonderwoman Wed 28-Sep-16 17:23:40

If you are at home all day could you not have something prepped or ready just to heat up.

Lighthouseturquoise Wed 28-Sep-16 17:25:05

Remember it's not always easy with a baby to 'just prepare something during the day', some babies are non stop constant all day.

gunsandbanjos Wed 28-Sep-16 17:25:09

You're home all day with only one child? Yes you should cook!

You are being very unreasonable.

Share the responsibility at the weekend but during the week I would do the cooking.

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface Wed 28-Sep-16 17:25:38

I do batch cook, but DS has developed a dairy allergy, I'm BFing and my lovely batch cooked food seems to have a lot of dairy in it. So I'm left at square one.
It was childish, DS is pretty needy (separation anxiety, refusing to nap between overtired meltdowns and now crawling at the speed of light)
It was when I came downstairs, saw him faffing on the computer and he asked me what the plan was for tea that I saw red.

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface Wed 28-Sep-16 17:27:10

I'd struggle to get anything ready that wasn't slow cooker mush I think. The naps are few and far between and he screams if i even turn my back and look like I might be walking away

blueturtle6 Wed 28-Sep-16 17:28:34

Why not cook for all three whilst he plays with DS, or whilst he bathes DS. Then he tidies toys up whilst you are settling baby down. That's how it works in our house. Sometimes I prepare dinner during day which means I get time out during bath time.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now