to tell DD to fuck off and leave me the hell alone?

(197 Posts)
SaggyBaggyPuss Fri 23-Sep-16 21:45:49

I smoke in the garden in the evenings filthy bastard that I am and now DD smokes too she keeps following me out there to talk at me angry. She has just given me a lengthy run down on some make up endorsed by the bloody Kardashians wondering if she should buy some and then had a rant about how crap it probably was angry.

My evening smoke-s- are my ME time (4 DC). Time to think things over and have pretend conversations in my head with people who have pissed me off, or fantasise about actually having a life. I try to 'hmmm' and 'OK' at appropriate times to pretend I'm listening to her which she has now caught onto but she still won't bugger off.

She's 19 btw.

AIBU to tell her to go out for a fag at different times to me (she won't because she's scared of the bats flying around) or ban her from smoking at all in the garden?

Bountybarsyuk Fri 23-Sep-16 21:48:31

Oh OP I think you are going to get so slaughtered about having socialized your dd into smoking, that your actual question, which is do I deserve time to myself, is going to get lost.

Surely if she lives with you, she smokes and you allow smoking in your garden, where else would she smoke?

aLeopardanditsSpots Fri 23-Sep-16 21:49:24

Be glad she wants to share her life with you however vacuous you might think it is, surely she will be flying the nest before too long?
My nan and I used to share a fag by the kitchen window, I'd give anything in the world to have that opportunity again.

ayeokthen Fri 23-Sep-16 21:49:46

I'd tell her that it's your time and if she wants to come out for a fag when you do she can zip it.

LumpyMcBentface Fri 23-Sep-16 21:49:48

Oh this would drive me batshit. It's bad enough when dd (12) follows me out and bounces on the trampoline going 'watch, mum, watch this'

Fag time is me time. YANBU. At all.

milkyface Fri 23-Sep-16 21:51:33

She's your daughter maybe she wants to have a conversation with you ffs. I'm not being funny but she's 19 is she really there all the time? I'm sure you get a break from her?

You'd be a massive hypocrite if you told her not to smoke in the garden. Though I'm sure she'd be so pissed off she's probably be the one telling you to fuck off and problem solved she probably won't speak to you.

This is mad.

Mozfan1 Fri 23-Sep-16 21:51:46

Bit harsh. Why don't you try and take over the conversation with something you want to talk about instead? Or be honest. But don't tell her to fuck off, it's mean. Or give her something to do (washing up or something) and then nip out?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Fri 23-Sep-16 21:52:19

Are you serious?

KindDogsTail Fri 23-Sep-16 21:52:46

I sympathise with you wanting "you" time but your daughter is looking for your companionship and a chatty "together" time with you. She will be gone soon, so why not make the most of it?

For you time, would you have any chance to go for a walk alone? That is very good for thinking things over, and you could sit on a bench somewhere to smoke too if you wanted.

DerekSprechenZeDick Fri 23-Sep-16 21:52:46

Tell she may only smoke round the front and you just run out the back grin

SiaMia Fri 23-Sep-16 21:53:23

Smoking time is me time.

DC are given short shrift if they come outside whilst I'm smoking

SiaMia Fri 23-Sep-16 21:55:37

It is literally the only point of the day that somebody isn't talking to me. I shut that door behind me and it's like the angels have descended from heaven. I would not want a conversation about the fucking Kardashians

OddBoots Fri 23-Sep-16 21:58:03

Do you have chance for a chat with her without the other children around any other time or is this her only chance?

GiddyGiddyGoat Fri 23-Sep-16 22:00:42

YABU. And mean.

Dontyoulovecalpol Fri 23-Sep-16 22:01:32

She obviously wants to chat and have time alone with you! Don't be so mean

Lorelei76 Fri 23-Sep-16 22:01:49

Yanbu
I don't know about bats but will it really make a difference whether there's one or two people, in terms of them flying about?

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 23-Sep-16 22:02:03

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oysterbabe Fri 23-Sep-16 22:02:53

You'll probably have all 4 of them out smoking with you eventually so you should enjoy the relative peace.

Chippednailvarnishing Fri 23-Sep-16 22:02:58

Give up smoking, problem solved.

DerekSprechenZeDick Fri 23-Sep-16 22:03:19

My mum used to have a 'let me have 2 villas alone before you talk to me' rule

She still does now. Same thing

cloudyday99 Fri 23-Sep-16 22:03:49

You could smoke less and have more baths instead for me time. She won't come joining you there grin

Hateloggingin Fri 23-Sep-16 22:04:49

Bibbity just said exactly what I was thinking

FrancisCrawford Fri 23-Sep-16 22:04:53

Part of being a parent is teaching your children to be considerate of other people and not to gibber on relentlessly, oblivious to the fact their hapless victims eyes are glazing over.

Conversations are supposed to be two way things! Your DD needs to learn to read social cues. However, in the meantime you gave to resort to the only thing guaranteed to make her mortified and thus leave you in peace: download your favourite song from your teenage years, start playing it and of course singing aloud and dancing at the same time. Extravagant arm manoeuvres get extra points, as does a blood curdling vibrato.

MistressMolecules Fri 23-Sep-16 22:05:08

I get it, I used to smoke and that was my quiet time to wake first thing in the morning and prepare for the day - I would get pissed off and end up being a cranky cow for the rest of the day if I didn't get that time. Could you maybe say to her that you need some quiet time (nicely!) but also arrange some "mum and dd" time, maybe arrange to go for a coffee or something without anyone else (siblings included) in tow so she can have some undivided attention?

PrunesforElla Fri 23-Sep-16 22:06:07

I know what you mean. Smoking was my refuge like that. Either by myself or with my partner but time out away from the kids. I enjoyed the solitude. When my daughter started smoking and joining in, it was the fact that it was every single fag that got me. And non-stop chatter. My partner and I often smoked in companionable silence.

For posters who are patronisingly saying that the OP should be glad her daughter wants her company - do you not think she has that in the house? And she just wants five minutes peace? As adults, grown children should realise their parents want occasional space and time alone.

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