Someone I thought disliked me has just defended me!

(157 Posts)
user1474645485 Fri 23-Sep-16 17:20:15

im confused and need Internet opinions for the first time in my life!

I became the Manager of a small team of solicitors two years ago.
I get on well with the group and have greatly enjoyed managing the team; with the exception of one work colleague. She's very elegant in her mannerisms in an Audrey Hepburn type way. She is well educated and well spoken; but my goodness she is irritating. She has an opinion on absolutely everything and will express it regularly! She's very assertive and will challenge everything. She joins others conversation when it's not necessarily appropriate. Her work is of a very high standard but unfortunely sometimes she spends too much time talking and not enough time working! She is 28 but acts more like a rebellious teenager.

I find her rather attention seeking but she is energetic and loves her work. She is physically attractive and can flirt a bit! She seems to exagerate stories. She sometimes makes up a mild story for attention. Essentially everything she does is for attention. I wasn't going to miss her if she decided to leave the company .She's certainly not all bad. She is genuine, honest and has a naturally warm personality. But at the same time she causes conflict by gossiping at times and seems immature. She often answers back to me and seems to lack respect for authority. She is far too over familiar. For example today our gay locality manager came in and she asked him if he wanted the 7 inch or 13 inch ruler in a suggestive manner. If she came across working class she would never keep a job. She did however impress by staying calm when others were angry with her.

I recently was investigated because someone reported a joke I made in passing. I'm not going to lie, it was in poor taste and a rare moment of bad judgement in the years I've been a manager. It was reported by a senior member of staff.

An investigator spoke to the team members and they said it was out of character for me and didn't say anything else. But no one was more persistent in support of me than the woman I find annoying. She rang professionals in support of me, refused to bad mouth me, suggested what I should say In my defence, challenged the need for a hearing in the first place and single handedly saved my job through persistent support of me and my work.
She joked that it's a good job no one reports what she says. She then took on work without anyone asking so that I would not return to an impossibly big mountain of work. She definetly doesn't 'suck up' to anyone so it wasn't that. She has a permanent job so isn't after anything and she has several years of training before she could ever be promoted.

There's no further investigion and she's back to being her 'bubbly' (attention seeking) self. I'm confused. She's annoying as hell, why do all that? How can someone so immature and seemingly self absorbed do that? Support me? Was I being unreasonable to have written her off in such a way? What would you think of a young woman described in my post? Maybe I've been too harsh.

I make sure I treat all my team equally and I am friendly to everyone so she isn't aware I find her annoying. She has improved since I had a discussion with her about certain aspects of her behaviour but I think some of it is her personality.

SuperFlyHigh Fri 23-Sep-16 17:22:26

wow so she defended you but you find her a PITA?

perhaps she has a personality, unlike you, it seems, leave her alone and remove that stick from up your bum.

StealthPolarBear Fri 23-Sep-16 17:22:57

Maybe she believed in you.
I think you need to look at your own professionalism tbh

SuperFlyHigh Fri 23-Sep-16 17:24:48

Agreed Stealth - OP seems a tad hypocritical here... maybe this is why she's touchy about her colleague.

PacificDogwod Fri 23-Sep-16 17:24:57

So she has good professional standards in place.

I think you need to aim for the same.
There is no need to like her on a personal/friendship level - clearly she is able to separate the personal from the professional;; you ought to too.

AbyssinianBanana Fri 23-Sep-16 17:25:59

I don't think she just defended you, I think she went way above and beyond to help you. You sound quite awful about her, to be frank.

DancingDinosaur Fri 23-Sep-16 17:26:06

She sounds like a really nice person.

user1474645485 Fri 23-Sep-16 17:27:05

I am a professional person, I made one error.

She is definetly not professional. Her actions are certainly not that. I don't hate her, but don't like her either as I find her attention seeking.

I am now though, second guessing myself as she has done something incredible. She has always said I'm a great manager but she has also gossiped about me. But I'm sure there's no one who hasn't gossiped about their boss at some point.

CostaBrava Fri 23-Sep-16 17:27:24

I like the sound of her.

SuperFlyHigh Fri 23-Sep-16 17:29:33

so far most of us have been YABU OP then you snap back with "no, I'm NBU!'

for a professional person - you can't spell definitely can you?!

StealthPolarBear Fri 23-Sep-16 17:29:44

I'm not just talking about that one incident.

myownprivateidaho Fri 23-Sep-16 17:30:21

Honestly, she sounds pretty normal. She's good at her job, quite chatty and sometimes misjudges what's appropriate in a work context, but when it comes down to it a really decent person. She knows her own mind -- answers back but also sticks her neck out for what's right. If anything I'd say she sounds like she's outgrown her current role and needs more of a challenge. I don't get why her looks or accent are relevant, and nothing you've said about her makes her sound self-absorbed. Maybe you're just trying to give as much detail as possible but you sound a bit obsessed with her... Are you a bit jealous? Or even a bit of a crush?

user1474645485 Fri 23-Sep-16 17:30:26

I can't explain how annoying I found her and now she's done this! I'M been really shocked.
It's definitely made us closer But don't be harsh on me for being mean about her.... You've not met her in person!

some people in the office loved her, some didn't. She was like marmite!

SolomanDaisy Fri 23-Sep-16 17:30:49

I think if quite like to work with her. It sounds like she did what she thought was the right thing and it looks like that's why she did it. Some people have a strong moral code like that, while not fitting your idea of 'professional'.

user1474645485 Fri 23-Sep-16 17:31:56

I don't have a crush! I'm not a lesbian. Just trying to give as full a picture as I can.

I think she's used to getting her own way due to her looks.

SuperFlyHigh Fri 23-Sep-16 17:32:28

oh leave her alone. jealousy is never a good look.

by the way I have a love/hate relationship with a paralegal at my firm (I'm a legal PA/sec) - we both find each other annoying but like each other in equal measure.

i'm sure a small bit of envy on both our parts comes into it but we're generally professional.

LemonSqueezy0 Fri 23-Sep-16 17:32:29

This OP says more about you than her tbh... It's sometimes easy to misjudge someone and harder to admit you have your own personality issues/weaknesses. I think you're confused because you don't like her, and her actions are not supporting that feeling.. perhaps you would've taken the opportunity to stick the boot in, if the tables were turned and you saw an opportunity to get shot of her...I mean, you don't have to like someone just because they like you, but what you're admiring in her here sounds like her principles and loyalty. It's character building to recognise and improve your own 'weaknesses' for want of a more appropriate word.

StealthPolarBear Fri 23-Sep-16 17:32:31

" some people in the office loved her, some didn't. She was like marmite!"
Did you talk about her?

abbsismyhero Fri 23-Sep-16 17:32:46

Perhaps she has a high professional opinion of you?

StealthPolarBear Fri 23-Sep-16 17:33:10

Hmm mmm

SuperFlyHigh Fri 23-Sep-16 17:33:13

Your last post nailed it - you're jealous because of how she looks.

how sad of you... sad

hownottofuckup Fri 23-Sep-16 17:34:20

You might not like her but you've obviously hid it well and she likes and respects you.

Exploretheunexplored23 Fri 23-Sep-16 17:34:21

She just sounds fair. I dont like many of my colleagues on a personal level but would defend them on a professional level if it were fair.

LetitiaCropleysCookbook Fri 23-Sep-16 17:35:13

You seem to be a little over-invested in analysing the dynamic between you and your colleague!

Just because someone comes across as flirty, bubbly, immature even, doesn't mean they can't be loyal and dependable when the need arises.

She sounds like just the kind of person to liven up a dull office. Chill out and be happy that you appear to work with such a nice, supportive group of people.

sparklefarts Fri 23-Sep-16 17:35:20

Mmm I agree with others so no point repeating of...but am I the only one wondering if stealth is the woman op talked about ?!?!??

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