To feel like I don't fit in anywhere

(3 Posts)
ohnoonoo Wed 21-Sep-16 19:51:12

I'm in my early 20s and for the last 3 or 4 years I've felt like I just don't fit in with anyone. I have a great relationship with my parents but I left home at 17 to come back to the UK on my own. I got a job for a few months and then found a better one working for a global company and have been here ever since.

When I was 19 I got pregnant, which wasn't planned. I'd been with my boyfriend for 10 months and although we were living together, we didn't feel it was the right thing for us or a baby at the time, so I had an abortion. We stayed together for two more years after that, but I ended up ending the relationship as I knew that deep down he wasn't the one for me.

I've been with someone new (late 20s) for just under a year, but I'm struggling with how different his mindset is in terms of marriage, children etc. compared to both mine and my ex boyfriend's (we were both always open to the idea and spoke about it a lot). It's all I want and since getting pregnant and then not going through with it, I feel like my purpose in life is to have a family.

My boyfriend comes from a family where love wasn't always shown and his parents have had a rocky relationship which I think puts him off. He has always said he wants children and marriage one day, but it will be on his terms, basically, and not before he feels ready. I've always said that I don't want to rush into anything, but talking about having a family makes me happy. For him it's something that stresses him out.

I've tried to have a life of my own. I have a hobby, friends I can talk to etc. but I just feel like I don't know anyone who wants a family and the things I want at my age. I'm fed up of getting "But you're so young! Go out and have fun!" comments.

I feel like such a misfit when I go to the pub with friends and my OH's friends. I feel like I don't belong.

I'm sorry this is so long. I just wondered if there's anyone else out there who feels this way too?

WombOfOnesOwn Wed 21-Sep-16 19:54:58

You need a different partner, one who has more compatible life goals. Don't settle for whatever person caught your eye first after your last relationship. get out. There are many men who want what you want. The longer you're with this man, the more those men are out there finding partners who aren't you.

CodyKing Wed 21-Sep-16 19:57:38

My first thought was that you are describing a very British male attitude - they don't really talk about the future or family.

You will know if he's right for you - but. Maybe it's time you asked him straight

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