Sorry this is long. We have two toddlers. I've always done the vast majority of the work, and this caused us problems in the beginning, but i suppose the arguments never changed anything and I just got used to the situation. Then, a few months ago my partner was diagnosed with cancer and began chemo. It's worked and he's nearly finished the full course of chemo, and the effects of chemo have been relatively light (but still horrible for him, don't get me wrong). During this, I obviously took on all the tasks. I did everything for the children while he felt Ill or tired, I made all the food, tried to listen and help with his fears and sadness. I don't resent him this, of course, but it's been tough.
I took the children to the doctors the other day because I thought they had chest infections, and I told her that I was especially concerned because of my partner being susceptible to infection at the moment. Turns out the kids are fine, but she said she was more concerned at how i was coping with everything going on. I told her i was fine, but it was hard not to break down. I realised that maybe it was ok for me to feel upset at how hard things were for me, too.
Anyway, this morning I got quite stressed and upset. I started talking to him about how my life has become constant work, in caring for the children and single-handedly trying to keep the house together, and i did ask whether when he's recovered he would be able to do things around the house so I can get a job (he doesn't want to work) and he said that he would just get his mum to do the laundry but he would do some washing up and stuff. That was ok by me, but i was a bit off about the fact that he was going to get his mum to do laundry. I said that laundry was one of the easier tasks, and why wouldn't he do that one, and he said he wasn't even aware we had a laundry basket. At this point I was amazed at how oblivious he seemed to how much I actually do around the house, so I said 'I don't think you even know how much I do, to which he replied 'I don't think you have any idea what chemo is like'. Now, I got upset, because I was never asking him to do more while he was ill, but he wouldn't stop twisting it to seem like I was saying he should be doing more now. He started saying 'fine, i'm going to make all my own food, you won't have to do any of it. That's what you want isn't it?' (in a very hostile tone). He wouldn't accept that I didn't want that, and he just kept on being really facetious about everything, keeping on saying that he'll do it all himself. I tried to say that it's reasonable for me to express that i'm stressed, and that it didn't mean I was unwilling to help him, but he just kept saying the same thing. Then he said that my problems were stupid and little compared to his, which I accept but it doesn't magically stop me from feeling stressed. I started getting ready to go out to get some space to think, and he started smashing things up in the kitchen.
I went out to cool off a bit, and he seemed better when I got back, i apologised for bringing him stress at this time, told him it wasn't my intention and that things got out of hand, but he still wouldn't accept that I wasn't suggesting he had to do more now, and that it would be good for us to both be able to talk about our feelings. Right now he's refused to talk any more and I have no-one else to talk to about it. So. There. Am I being unreasonable?
AIBU?
AIBU to talk about being stressed while my partner is recovering from cancer?
user1474475687 · 21/09/2016 18:25
You're not unreasonable, you're worn out with anxiety, stress and any other rotten thing you might mention. Of course it has been ghastly for him too and he's going to take time to process all this horribleness. I totally get why you'd be pissed off at MIL doing laundry (and yes, it is the easy bit).
A bunch of flowers emoji doesn't really cover it but here is one 
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You sound pretty strong but that doesn't mean shouldering this is easy. I hope things settle down and maybe a chat with the GP would be an idea.
I started reading this thinking maybe he feels sensitive about not being able to do anything while ill. But it sounds like he has no desire to do anything at all.
You're doing an amazing job, OP. Toddlers are hard enough on their own without looking after a sick partner.
As some one who has been through cancer 3 times, I can say that as strange as it seems that it hit me psychologically more after the treatment than during.
for you OP.
He couldn't deal with stress of job centre or baby? How does he cope with stress of having no money?
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