To think that the practice nurse should think before speaking

(193 Posts)

I've just taken DS for his 8 week jabs and as I went in the nurse says hello and then asks who I am as I am "obviously not mum"!

Admittedly I am an older mum (I'm 44) and my hair is a little grey as I have started having allergic reactions to hair dyes but she made me feel absolutely ancient sad

AIBU to think that she was a little out of order here? Luckily I am not suffering from PND but if I had been feeling down I think this would have really upset me it did tbh

Soubriquet Wed 21-Sep-16 11:37:26

That was a bit inconsiderate really

I can understand why you are feeling a bit upset

fittedcupboard Wed 21-Sep-16 11:37:30

Bizarre thing to say. If I'm a GP and not sure whether the adult is the mother or the grandmother, I'll always err on the side of caution and say Mum - flatters the grandmother and avoids faux pas like this one.

KitKat1985 Wed 21-Sep-16 11:39:12

YANBU. I know a couple of people who are Mum's in their mid-40's and they get asked this a lot, and it really upsets them. It's silly because it's not that unusual these days either to have babies in your 40's. I hope she apologised when you corrected her?

Mynestisfullofempty Wed 21-Sep-16 11:40:15

What did she say when you corrected her?

bearleftmonkeyright Wed 21-Sep-16 11:40:33

Blimey that's a bit inconsiderate. But congrats on your baby.

LagunaBubbles Wed 21-Sep-16 11:41:05

YANBU. That would upset me to.What did you say?

bearleftmonkeyright Wed 21-Sep-16 11:42:59

Was the nurse young? Sometimes it takes a bit of life experience to realise that a comment like that is a really stupid thing to say. Having babies in your forties is just normal.

First rule of healthcare is to never make assumptions as to who people are in relation to someone else. It makes things awkward and can upset people. Well it might not be the first rule but it's really important.

Sorry the nurse upset you, next time you go prime DS to poo on her.

QuackDuckQuack Wed 21-Sep-16 11:45:54

There are a load of little tricks like fittedcupboard's one. I have no idea why they aren't taught or a crib sheet given out to people who work with the public.

Ego147 Wed 21-Sep-16 11:46:37

First rule of healthcare is to never make assumptions as to who people are in relation to someone else

And teaching too.

I hope she apologised and learnt to be careful next time she speaks.

She didn't apologise she just started going on about what a cute baby he is, she did seem a bit flustered though!

bearleft I would say she was probably a bit older than me so not young grin

I am a nurse myself and I always try really hard not to make assumptions about people's age or relationships so this did shock me a bit and all I said was "actually I am" when she said it, I really wish I had thought of a better response

EreniTheFrog Wed 21-Sep-16 11:56:40

Yikes. That was really, reallllllllllly out of order. As others have said: she shouldn't have assumed but ASKED.

user1469803090 Wed 21-Sep-16 11:57:28

I'm currently studying Health and Social Care and stuff like this is what I have to be aware of. What is did is deliberate discrimination, because before you speak, you should think. She could of simply said "are you mum?" because there are mothers that are 16 and mothers that are 45 that does not make them not mums. You can report this to her manager as it's a breach of your rights.

QueenLizIII Wed 21-Sep-16 11:57:32

Just wait until you are 60 with a 16 yo. Everyone thought my mum wa my gran.

I was embarrassed by it as teens often are embarrassed by everything.

Benedikte2 Wed 21-Sep-16 12:01:17

Might seem trivial but I experienced the same thing once and, yes, it was upsetting. Think this mistake might have been because XDH looked young for his age and DC seen with him previously.
Good luck OP and may you have many peaceful nights!

dontcallmethatyoucunt Wed 21-Sep-16 12:02:08

It was assumed I was my youngest DD's grandma "oooh are you helping grandma?"

I said, er no, I'm her mum, but I could use an early night.

... she just looked shocked grin

I didn't think I looked that bad!

RhodaBorrocks Wed 21-Sep-16 12:03:24

Someone once greeted my DM by saying my DSis must be my DMs granddaughter.

DM was 37 and a total hottie. angry

PaperStars Wed 21-Sep-16 12:04:47

I've kind of had it the other way around. DPs step dad is early 40s and as he drives he has taken us to hospital appointments in the past and every time they refer to him as dad and I have to correct and say 'no that's grandad' and cringe that they think we're together when he's almost double my age. So I don't find it flattering when they do that but he might I don't know.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse Wed 21-Sep-16 12:05:39

I am surprised tbh. My daughter recently had an X-ray and the nurse asked if there was any possibility that she may be pregnant. My daughter is 12! But the nurse was lovely about it and explained that these days they have to be very careful to ask any woman between the ages of 12 and 60 jic. Poor you!

SapphireStrange Wed 21-Sep-16 12:08:18

Really unprofessional. I'd write to the practice manager.

RunningLulu Wed 21-Sep-16 12:09:58

YANBU. It's bloody rude. My sil often gets this with her son because she actually looks how most non-Indians imagine Indians to, while my nephew passes for white (like my bro, mum, and 40 percent of the Indian population lol). She's started to give lectures about race vs ethnicity now whenever it's mentioned.

brasty Wed 21-Sep-16 12:10:25

It was assumed that my DP, was my adult child. I was not amused. DP thought it was hilarious and told everyone.

Mynestisfullofempty Wed 21-Sep-16 12:12:21

She should have apologised IMO.

CuntWagon Wed 21-Sep-16 12:21:22

Oh dear. I'm cringing for her though, also being a nurse who has come across these situations numerous times. Couples with huge age gaps, male patients whose adult children who age the right age to conceivably be grandchildren or great grandchildren; so many ways to get it wrong. We all have awkward moments of doubt which show on our faces even if we don't foolishly blurt something out. As a nurse yourself you must have inadvertently caused offence over something - it's impossible to work with people and never misjudge a situation. Certainly not an issue to make a written complaint over as suggested above confused

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