To ban DH from complaining about feeling unwell whilst I am pregnant?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

First trimester, battling constant sickness and exhaustion. If DH moans once more about feeling tired or having a bit of a sniffle WIBU to LTB?

(To be fair he's doing a decent job of looking after me and picking up the slack round the house whilst I'm in bed or slumped over the toilet bowl, but still, not an excuse)

[PurpleDaisies]

Other people do feel tired and unwell too-pregnancy isn't the only allowable reason to feel under the weather.

Hope you feel better soon.

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

YABU but I get it

[Hagothehills]

No not at all! First trimester is rough, hang on there the second is much easier, if only because the crippling fatigue eases off a bit.

I used to give a cracking side eye to my dp when he complained of being tired/achy/having a cold when I was pg. Was all lighthearted though obviously, but it does irritate.

[londonrach]

Hope you feel better but you are being unreasonable as people can feel ill for other reasons not just pregnancy. Hopefully you start feel better soon.

[Cantthinkofarelevsntnamechange]

I was a right first trimester dickhead
Dp: oh I feel a little bit sick too actually
Me: OH NO POOR YOU. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT COULD POSSIBLY FEEL I MEAN I FEEL SO SO SORRY FOR YOU.

Actually could have killed him when he wouldn't shut up about a hangover though. I WISH I could go out and end up with a hangover at the moment

[JenLindleyShitMom]

Yeah YABU. You can both feel shit together

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

hag and cant you are my people.

After a day of putting a brave face on it, answering any enquiry about whether I'm OK when I look ashen faced and am stifling a vomit with a breezy 'oh yeah I'm fine tra-la-la' I just want the chance to be able to tell the only person in RL who knows I am up the duff that I feel like shit without the response "yeah I think I'm coming down with a cold actually".

[VictoriaRoses]

Whenever I had to have blood taken during my pregnancy (terrified of needles) my DH would say 'I'm afraid of needles too' now the babies are here he says 'I'm tired too' he does no night feeds and always has lie ins

[Jenijena]

Wait until the competitive tiredness hits in ;)

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

Yeah Victoria when DS was born and was up half the night, every night I have never known DH complain more about being tired - he had a full night's sleep every night, WTF?

[rhiaaaaaaaannon]

Oh I used to love the competition of who had the rights to complain when pg!
I won at least 75% of the time

[SeaFlute]

Sorry I think YABU. He still needs empathy and your attention.

Pregnancy sickness is awful. I had HG and vomited multiple times a day for the entire pregnancy, was signed off sick until Mat leave started. It was a tough time for DH too. He had all the stress and worry of me being ill plus all the daily household chores to do as well as going to work. I tried to be sympathetic when he complained of feeling tired or having a cold. I don't think anyone can really understand the relentless misery of HG unless they've been there.

Your DH will probably be more sympathetic and helpful if you allow him to feel ill at times too and sympathise with him. You need to look after each other.

[FuzzyCustard]

YABU. It's your first isn't it? Wait until you are juggling small people and feeling like this in subsequent pregnancies!

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

Nope fuzzy number 2! Had the the first time round, I had jus forgotten how annoying it is.

You lot are far, far too reasonable.

I reserve right to be unreasonable about this.

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

(Excuse all the typos in that last post)

Also:

DH: "I've got a headache!"
ME: "Have you taken any ibuprofen? Because you can, because you are not pregnant?"
DH: "no"
ME: "STFU then"

[PinkissimoAndPearls]

When I was in labour DH stubbed his toe. It was apparently very painful.

You will be amazed to know he is not under the patio, I'm sure.

But seriously, Bubbins I have just posted this in the advice thread, you can be right or you can be kind and I think it was made for these situations. Better to take care of each other than compete. Making my own self vomit a bit now I hope you feel better soon.

[Eyedrophell]

Yanbu - Dh told me whist I was in labour when i asked him to come and hold my hand (very quick labour compared to first and I was a bit scared!)....'but my legs ache (he was sitting in a chair). The midwife glared at him and said shall I throw something at him or do you want to do it! Git. In fairness he was expecting hours of labour. DS2 was born 20mins later.

[PurpleDaisies]

DH: "I've got a headache!"
ME: "Have you taken any ibuprofen? Because you can, because you are not pregnant?"
DH: "no"
ME: "STFU then"

You could take paracetamol for a headache. It's safe in pregnancy.

I think I'd be pretty upset with my partner just dismissing me when I wasn't feeling well.

[JudyCoolibar]

DH's first reaction to me feeling unwell is always "I hope I don't get it." The one compensation of pregnancy was that he couldn't do that.

[Luckystar1]

My DH complained of 1. Being really tired and 2. Having a really sore knee after the birth of our eldest. I was FUCKING raging!!!!!!!!!!

But in general I am not especially sympathetic!

[AnArrowToTheKnee]

Ugh, the competitive tiredness. And the whining when I ask him to do one simple task. Yes dear, you've been at work all day. I've got a bump the size of the national debt and the baby kicks so hard it hurts, and I still do the housework, the cooking and the school run, even though it hurts to walk, because I'm the only bugger around to do it

[x2boys]

dh had terrible tonsillitus whilst i was in labour with ds1 admittedly he was ill but only because he left it for ages before he would see the gp , i had a reallly long and tiring labour on xmas day no less and when ds 1 was finally born and people were phoning to see how we were all dh could talk about was his sodding tonsillitus

[slightlyglitterbrained]

You would not be unreasonable to raise the bar for complaining about illness OP. I.e. can have a whinge about being proper ill but not about feeling a bit tired cos you stayed up to watch end of film.

But occurs to me it might be most helpful to ban "illness by response": i.e. nobody is EVER allowed to respond to "I'm ill" or "I'm tired" with ANY comment about their own health or tiredness. He needs to respond about the illness/tiredness, change the subject after a suitable period of sympathising, then he can have his whinge.

Practicing now might fend off the dreaded competitive tiredness.

TBH though, my advice to men I know with pregnant partners is always "don't go there mate. You know you can't be tired for the next year right?" and the decent ones admit that physically there's really nothing they are doing that's anywhere near as taxing as gestating a baby/giving birth.

[slightlyglitterbrained]

x2boys surely it can't have been that bad if he could talk that much about it?

[x2boys]

indeed slightlyglitterbrained!