To think the Dr is our next step

[HeilandMoo]

DD is 7 and is literally ruling the roost with her emotions. We are at our wits end and wondered if anyone had any similar experiences.

She cries at the drop of a hat, is anxious about everything, creates worries that don't actually exist, refuses to go out and play when the kids knock for her and sobs every morning before school.

She is in a new school, and so I am allowing for some tears and anxiety around the change, but the ad hoc crying, the lack of interest in making friends and general anxiety seem to have been at play before the change in school.

She is academically bright, but the whole social skill gap is really worrying me. I've tried everything I can think of, rewards for not crying, rewards for less crying, ignoring, reasoning......I'm literally walking on eggshells every day now, trying not to say anything that worries her or upsets her.
I've taken her IPad away, as the screen time seems to trigger more negative behaviour. She will sit attentively on it, but will freak out when we ask her to turn it off.

Sigh.....is the DR an option or are we just in the middle of a phase she'll grow out of?

[Tobyturtle]

I would def take her to the GP, hopefully it is a phase but even so it won't do any harm to have a professional assessment. I hope everything works out for her, I'm sure somebody more experienced will be along soon with better advice!

[HeilandMoo]

Thanks for your reply. It's really awful, for her as well as us. I can't remember a day when she's not cried or freaked out in the last few month,...not one!

[Tobyturtle]

That must be so hard going for you all. It does sound a little worrying for a 7 year old (my children are a lot younger mind and so no direct experience) but if she's at a new school then that will probably be making it worse. The problem when you live with somebody so highly emotional all the time it starts making the other family members snap at each other and creates a general atmosphere.
It's worth getting some advice off the GP and he can then refer to the best people if necessary. Also makes you feel that you are dealing with the situation which is always better than just worrying about it.

[Wolfiefan]

Creates worries that don't exist.
But they do exist for her!
Can you preempt the worries? My DD hates new stuff. I would explain what would happen on a trip or show her pictures of where she's going and say what she's going to do.
Social stuff. Perhaps organised activities could help. Brownies etc.
sports? My son did a martial arts and scouts. Helped him hugely.
Anxiety techniques? Must be things you can google!
Worry box. She can discard a worry in the box and talk through them with you at an appropriate time.
Praise and encourage her to take some risks. Climbing etc.

[LugsTheDog]

Can school help at all? I think I'd see what additional support they can give her first.

[Msqueen33]

Go with your gut! If the social skills are lacking I would be concerned. What was she like when younger? There's normally a hormonal change around this age so could be that teamed with the new school could explain some. I would personally make a note of her issues and how long they've been going on and see the gp. I was like this as a child and have aspergers.

[HeilandMoo]

Thanks everyone,

I appreciate your replies, I think I might speak to the school. They know she's upset in the morning, its quite visible. The teacher rang me a few weeks ago to reassure me that she's fine in class and throughout the day and getting on well with the other girls, but DD says she is crying "inside herself" (eeeek, heart breaking) during the day and won't get involved with the other girls games. She told me she's been walking around with her teacher at break. Surely the teacher would have mentioned this though?

Lots of party invites etc, so I think she's being included, but excluding herself IYSWIM.

I'm so worried. I know to her it all feels so real, you are right to point that out. I've tried to minimise the issue for her, get her to write it down, throw out the worries etc, but its just becoming a bit overwhelming for us all now.

[RunningLulu]

Does her mood cycle rapidly through the day for no reason? Or do specfic things trigger the emotional episodes? It might help her to keep a diary for a day or two so you can understand a bit better. Like others, I believe you need to get her to the GP/psychiatrist asap.

[HeilandMoo]

Good idea on the diary. Thanks

She is most anxious first thing and last thing during the week and if everything is going her way - no issues.

If we mention school, or going out to play, or anything she doesn't want to talk about, that's when we have the crying and the anxiety.

Tonight it started with a question about her piano lesson from last week.....that reminded her of school and she went off the deep end.

[Wolfiefan]

Can she say what she is feeling when she goes off like this?

[littleprincesssara]

I know it's hard and I sympathize hugely. It sounds like she has a genuine problem. I don't think something like a reward system would be the best approach for emotional/MH problems. Seeing a therapist might work wonders for her. It's very scary, but they can teach her coping strategies -- a lot of kids and young people need some kind of MH resources.

[gleam]

Could part of it be that she is an introvert and simply doesn't want to play with other kids?

[HeilandMoo]

I think so, yes. She seems okay when she's eventually playing, or if the kids come in to our house, but she sometimes begs me to say she's out or in the bath or whatever. It's the initial interaction that panics her, then she warms up a bit.

I do make excuses occasionally for her, but I don't want it to get to the point where the children stop knocking the door for her, she's lucky they have persevered this far. In two years here, she has never knocked their door, ever. She would not be able to do that. She is a bit introverted, but I'm scared to leave her to her own devices in case the wee pool of kids that are around just dry up.

[LugsTheDog]

Honestly I would try again with the school. Ask for a meeting with her class teacher. They may well have all sorts of pastoral and emotional learning support that parents are generally unaware of until their child needs it. And the teacher won't know which children need it unless they are told.

It won't necessarily fix everything but to me it's a no-brainer to push with her class teacher, whom she sees for hours most days, before casting the net any wider. School nurse might also be worth a call. Again, not very visible but worth a try for things that fall in that fuzzy zone between medical and social.

[Copperas]

Also, if you do go to the doctor, go without her first so you can talk freely