To only buy birthday gifts for people who buy me birthday gifts?

[Bibs2014]

Or is that petty?
What do you do?

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

I wouldn't say it was petty. Some would say fair enough.
It's a personal choice isn't it. Some people love giving and don't care a lot about receiving.

[specialsubject]

it's a great idea. Should stop the exchange of tat very quickly - most adults really don't need any more stuff.

[melibu84]

I love buying gifts, I don't care if people buy me one or not. I just find it enjoyable to look for something that I know someone will really like.

[ConvincingLiar]

Sounds fine. Who were you thinking of cutting off the list?

[Only1scoop]

Who are you whittling down?

[blueturtle6]

Do you exclude people who send money? I feel that is a cop out especially when I put thought into a gift, for said person.

[HeCantBeSerious]

We bought presents for nieces and nephews (DS's side) for years while they ignored ours. Not even a thank you when gifts were handed over and no embarrassment at having nothing for DC. So we've stopped too. Might be petty but I couldn't give a crap anymore. I'm not rewarding such utter rudeness.

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

If I did this, I'd only ever have to buy for my own kids, and nobody else. i don't really mind about that, with one exception.
My mother told me that once I was 40, I was too old for her to give me presents of any kind. This rule does not apply to my sisters, her very creepy friends, or anyone else it would seem. However, since she seems to feel strongly about it, I will honour her wish and give her the square root of fuck all for her 70th birthday this year. My dad will get a nice bottle of Isle of Harris gin, to help drown out the noise and cover the smell of burning martyr.

[KC225]

Zippy hahaha your last sentence

[Bibs2014]

I always get told by my older sisters to buy or contribute to presents for my brothers and my sister in law but I don't get anything from any of them when it's my birthday.

[Bibs2014]

Then the other two say they will go halves and I look like the bad one.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

No YANBU at all. I've finally seen the light with my DB and SIL and will only do cards now, which will still be more than they bother with!

It came to a head when after a massive load of effort and expense invested in their wedding and wedding gift we didn't even get a fucking card for ours a little while later. But I realised they've always been bad at that stuff and putting myself out (as I'll continue to do with the rest of the family who reciprocate thoughtfully) was only pissing me off.

Can't do anything to change them but I can change what I do.

[Bibs2014]

Arf I do agree with you but then I'm made to look petty.

[Bibs2014]

Arf they aren't reasonable!

[Bibs2014]

I know you're not having a go at me, Arf. It is actually helping making me ask myself these questions.

It will make me look bad and petty to the rest of my family.

[Lonoxo]

arf didn't want to read and run. Some great advice there. Hope it helps the OP.

[DontMindMe1]

It will make me look bad and petty to the rest of my family
so what?
it's not like they've got your best interests at heart - does the 'family' say or do anything to db and sil to make them 'play nice' like they expect you to? No.

You need to stop seeking validation from them - they've made it plainly clear that they have more consideration for db and sil, that they will suck up to them. you are there to simply keep up the facade of 'happy families'.

what would happen if you bluntly told them that you will NOT be contributing to or buying gifts for them?

[DontMindMe1]

what is db and sil and the rest of your familes excuse for these two never returning the favour? how is their behaviour not considered bad and petty?

[Bibs2014]

It's always been that way cause DBs are 10 years younger than us so they are babied and allowed to get away with it.