to be irritated that DSis is living with Mum and Dad

(124 Posts)
oopsIdiditagain21 Tue 20-Sep-16 10:56:57

She is 44 and single and been back with them for about a year after moving out of a rented flat because the landlord was selling up. She works part time and my Mum thinks it will give her chance to save money for a deposit. All I hear though is how hard my poor sister works, how she has cooked a lovely tea, blah, blah.Mum and Dad do all the shopping and Dsis is using my Mum's car to get to work. On top of this, when my dc go to stay my dd has to sleep on a mattress in the study as sister now has the room she used to have which makes dd not so keen on going as she can't get to sleep. If I invite them over Dsis comes too and if I go there Dsis is there tooangry. I have tried to be tolerant really resent this situation and find myself resenting my Dsis more and more. DMum just gets upset/defensive if I try to discuss this.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Tue 20-Sep-16 11:00:50

If you're parents are happy with the situation then it's really none of your business.

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 20-Sep-16 11:01:16

Why do you resent it? confused is it because your DD has to sleep on a mattress in the study? That's no different than a mattress on a bed is it? If your parents and sister are happy with the arrangement it's their business isn't it?

PovertyPain Tue 20-Sep-16 11:02:03

Wow. The jealousy is jumping of the page, OP. Do you think your sister likes living with her parents and being by herself at her age? Where would you like her to sleep when your dd is there. I assume you want a grown woman to sleep on a mattress on the floor, every time your dd is visiting? Stop making your dd resent her aunt, that's very cruel to all involved.

TheVirginQueen Tue 20-Sep-16 11:02:42

My brother was a lot more supportive when i had to live with my m&d.

Fairylea Tue 20-Sep-16 11:03:13

Does it matter, really?! So jealous. I'm sure they would do the same for you if you needed their help- or do you feel that they wouldn't, is that part of it?

AndShesGone Tue 20-Sep-16 11:03:12

Where does the resentment come from?

You have a kid and your own life, look how successful you are that you don't have to flowers

Sparklesilverglitter Tue 20-Sep-16 11:03:46

Do you and your sister not get on?

If parents and your sister are happy with her living there, why do you resent it so much? confused

I don't see what's wrong with them commenting that X made them a nice tea

nosyupnorth Tue 20-Sep-16 11:04:48

I take it you don't have a good relationship with your sister if her mere presence with your parents (even when you aren't around!) inspires this much resentment.
YABVU

0nTheEdge Tue 20-Sep-16 11:05:10

Why do you resent it so much? Is it that you feel she's getting an easy ride? Did you get on with your sister before this? If everyone else is happy with the situation, then I think you are being unreasonable tbh. She sounds like she is pulling her weight and bringing some joy to your parents, which is surely a good thing? Can you try to enjoy the joining in all together when you go round or does she just irritate you to much? You're only human, and if you can't help but feel annoyed by the situation, then that is what it is. Try not to make a big deal of it with everyone else though as you'll come off looking really bad.

From what you've wrote your DSis has done nothing wrong. She needed somewhere to stay, your parents offered and they all seem happy with the arrangement. What's the problem?

0phelia Tue 20-Sep-16 11:06:29

YABVU

And you should be more supportive while your sister is going through such a difficult time.

It's your Parents house, they've taken one in of their children, you're going to have to get over this.

My Adult DDs have been at different life stages, my middle one came back to live with me and I've had to tell my eldest DD in no uncertain terms that how I choose to Parent each of them, is my choice.

My eldest has had a surprise relationship breakdown and I'm doing my best to support her (and sorting out free accommodation), so her opinion has now changed and she sees what has been done previously is for the best.

Is your Dsis in danger of developing depression etc? Is that why she's tagging along.

I felt shit at 44, because of the Peri-Menopause. Do you know what could be going on with her?

Hedgehogparty Tue 20-Sep-16 11:08:34

Your sister doesn't sound like she's in a good situation.
I'd back off from criticism - hopefully she'll be in her own place again before too long

oopsIdiditagain21 Tue 20-Sep-16 11:08:37

I'm not really bothered about the mattress as dd rarely sleeps there anyway. It is more the fact that I feel I cannot do anything with my parents without my Dsis being there. I am not remotely jealous of her and appreciate that she is in a crappy situation.

wigglesrock Tue 20-Sep-16 11:09:22

Why do you resent it? My sister and her child have moved back to my parents following a marriage break up and she is saving for a bit. I'm glad we're lucky enough to have parents that can support them for a bit and Christ I wouldn't like to go back and live with mine no matter how much I love them - it would not so slowly drive me insane living in someone else's house after being used to my own.

The room your daughter slept in was your parents spare room, it's now not spare - it's being used by your parents child, it's their house.

I can understand you maybe feeling a bit pushed out, but I'd assume your parents are trying to do their best?

MyPatronusIsABadger Tue 20-Sep-16 11:11:42

I have a situation similar to yours and can't quite put it into words.
In mine it's that it's so unfair that the person has to work all day AND make dinner (which they can't possibly be expected to do), that they can't work AND do washing, tidying or cleaning as well or how it's unfair that houses are expensive.
And yes, if I got let off with having to tidy, cook or clean I'd take the chance, but it seems unfair. So if its a bit of jealousy although it's not great and is unreasonable I do get it.
However, I'm sure there are some freedoms your dsis doesn't have with living at home. Or your parents like it and feel busy so that's nice for them. To be honest I wouldn't complain about the mattress thing, I don't think that's the issue and it's not really bad either.

PaulAnkaTheDog Tue 20-Sep-16 11:13:08

Sorry but you do sound jealous.

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 20-Sep-16 11:13:53

I feel I cannot do anything with my parents without my Dsis being there

You're (presumably) a fully grown adult, what do you need to be doing that you need your parents' undivided attention for? It sounds incredibly childish tbh. I have two boys (7 and 11) and they know they share me, I can't remember the last time they squabbled over my attention. I think it's time you outgrew this. Relationships change when children become adults.

Squeegle Tue 20-Sep-16 11:14:45

Sibling rivalry is always close to the surface! I quite understand how you feel, although YAB completely U. I think you know that! You're scared that you are now coming second best. It's normal to feel like this, but try and throw it off, it's not healthy.

CousinCharlotte Tue 20-Sep-16 11:15:34

Perhaps it suits you're parents to have your sister living with them.

callycat1 Tue 20-Sep-16 11:15:47

I don't really see what the problem is sorry smile

Lorelei76 Tue 20-Sep-16 11:16:00

when I first read this I was a bit baffled

but now I think I get it - you used to have quality time with your folks and now someone else is there?

yes, I understand that. I am low contact with dad but if my sis was there every time I visited mum - much as I love my sis and see her loads anyway - it would change the dynamic. Time for 3 of us would be fine, but not all the time. Is that what you mean?

oopsIdiditagain21 Tue 20-Sep-16 11:17:05

She has put my parents through hell for years with various forms of self destruction. I have been there to pick up the pieces for years and years and finally had enough a couple of years ago. DSis cannot stand the fact I have a lovely DH and DC and is always making digs and trying to undermine me with my DC by being a 'cool' Aunty. Now she is still causing constant worry to my parents but under their roof.

Mishegoss Tue 20-Sep-16 11:17:10

You sound like a child. You sister isn't doing anything wrong and ultimately who lives with your parents isn't really your business anyway. The only thing you need to do is get over these immature thoughts and feelings

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