SIL always cancels babysitting

(22 Posts)
Wendalicious Tue 20-Sep-16 10:38:41

My sister in law (no children) often offers to babysit so me and DH can go out for a few hours but every time, it gets cancelled as something has come up (ie gets a better offer!) we get so disappointed as she will say how much she loves the girls and wants to see them but we are always at the bottom of the list! We were looking forward to it- should I say "don't worry?" and just let it go?

flowery Tue 20-Sep-16 10:40:56

"should I say "don't worry?" and just let it go?"

As opposed to what? That's all you can do really- you can't make her babysit. Just find another babysitter and decline future offers from her.

VodkaValiumLattePlease Tue 20-Sep-16 10:41:18

I would just say it's okay, but as this is the X time you've cancelled please don't offer again because you won't be accepting.

That's so bloody rude

Wendalicious Tue 20-Sep-16 10:41:53

True! I suppose I'd rather not have the offer on the first place x

ajandjjmum Tue 20-Sep-16 10:42:52

How old is she? Sounds like pretty immature behaviour, but if she's a teenager it's more understandable.

Wendalicious Tue 20-Sep-16 10:43:33

Btw I mention the no children thing as doesn't get how exciting and rare a night out is with DH!

Wendalicious Tue 20-Sep-16 10:45:12

SIL is late 30s

QueenofallIsee Tue 20-Sep-16 10:45:20

I think that I would have to say something along the lines of 'please don't offer again unless you are realy sure that you can do it, as this is the X time you have cancelled on the trot and it disappoints the girls, not to mention us'

Arfarfanarf Tue 20-Sep-16 10:52:26

Yes, stop accepting the offer and tellher why

It sounds like she likes the idea of being nice and helping but isnt actually interested in doing it.

So stop setting yourselves up for this. You know how it will play out

Wendalicious Tue 20-Sep-16 10:55:58

Thank you for replies, if I asked her fair enough but she offers and I think I realise it's an empty offer x

Sparklesilverglitter Tue 20-Sep-16 11:00:58

I think you have to let it go, I mean what else can you do.

Decline all future offers as it won't happen anyway.

Is there anyone else that could give you a break one evening? Grandparents, friend or if you feel ok with it you could use a babysitting company.

whoopiedoo Tue 20-Sep-16 11:01:46

This often happens to us too! We've found the only reliable people are my parents and DP's parents. SIL (single no kids), sister (divorced grown up kids), niece (20 no kids) will offer and cancel last minute or offer and then as evening approaches they don't answer their phone and pretend they forgot, or was unwell etc. I think they offer because at the time they're willing to do it but then the evening comes around and they've either had a better offer or just don't want to.

Next time she offers, say thanks but every time you let us down so I'd rather say don't worry and avoid the disappointment.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet Tue 20-Sep-16 11:07:05

If she offers, ask her if it's guaranteed given that she's cancelled so often, and refuse if she can't commit to it.

bumsexatthebingo Tue 20-Sep-16 11:11:21

Rather than making any comment about it I'd just give a reason why you can't go out that night when she offers. And find someone more reliable.

Clutterbugsmum Tue 20-Sep-16 11:21:42

Make other arrangements, and if she asks why you never take her up on her offer just tell her it's all well and good her offering as she never actually does babysit so you need some one who you can rely on. And not to mention the fact every time she offers and lets you down she is up setting her nieces/nephews when she doesn't turn up.

Wendalicious Tue 20-Sep-16 11:30:45

She has quite a flaky life where I think plans are vague and flighty but I've tried to explain that I'll literally look forward to it from the get go! Think I'll avoid from now on, thanks all x

SuperFlyHigh Tue 20-Sep-16 11:33:00

say what whoopie says - I offer to babysit for my neighbours and once they took me up on my offer (but then their youngest was sick so they had to cancel), they've used another sitter too, but have babysat twice but would never cancel last minute as that's rude.

EarthboundMisfit Tue 20-Sep-16 11:33:57

I would very deliberately not accept again.

QuimReaper Tue 20-Sep-16 11:36:08

Mmm, pretty awkward situation to put you in - presumably these offers come in the form of "oh, I'd love to babysit some time, when shall we arrange it for?" so the OP will have to decline the offer altogether rather than coming up with an excuse for a certain date.

It sounds like SIL feels that since she's making such a lovely generous offer she can cancel without much guilt, since it was the thought that counted, as it were.

The diplomatic response next time she offers would be something like "Oh thank you, but we've just found this terrific new sitter, the kids love her and have the best time when she comes over..." and breeze past it; the more confrontational response would be "it's kind of you to offer, but since we've had so many last-minute cancellations from you, I don't think we can accept any more."

Tricky.

The main thing is, get a proper sitter and get thee on a night out anyway!

ParadiseCity Tue 20-Sep-16 11:40:07

I might give her one more attempt.

Then I would send daily texts telling her what restaurant you have booked, you're thinking of these shoes what does she reckon, DDs have asked if Aunty can play their x game with them, you are shopping for snacks today what is her favourite biscuit, etc etc.

I'd also go on and on about it incessantly on FB and tag her in everything. Picture of kids with puppy dog eyes '10 more sleeps till Aunty looks after us'.

REALLY lay it on.

Memoires Tue 20-Sep-16 11:44:40

I'd just tell her. "THanks sil, will you be cancelling it again?" With a laugh or whatever.

Wendalicious Tue 20-Sep-16 11:47:07

Ha ha I don't think subtle will work so some good ideas! And yes yes to the "well I've offered so I'm doing my bit!" It's no good offering if I'm still sat in my lounge confused

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