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AIBU?

To limit my dds' phone use?

31 replies

Dancergirl · 20/09/2016 09:11

My older dds are in Year 9 and Year 11. Yesterday Year 9 dd got in from school around 4pm. She started her homework at nearly 9pm

I was in and out the house with my other dc in the afternoon but as far as I could see dd2 was watching tv, on her phone and generally messing around.

Dd1 who is in her GCSE year is also spending too much time on her phone. Dh and I are thinking that if the phone is such a distraction then we should intervene and set some limits.

So we are thinking of saying that they are allowed one hour of phone time from when they come in from school then they can have it back when homework and any other chores are done.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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BertrandRussell · 20/09/2016 09:13

How are they both getting on at school?

Andrewofgg · 20/09/2016 09:17

You would not have allowed this on the landline when landlines were all there was and you should not allow it now. A short rest after school then down to work. Phones and all the other electric toys must wait.

SquinkiesRule · 20/09/2016 09:19

Yes. Dd has her phone put away until homework is done, then I take it at meal times and if she's been on it a lot, I tell her to stop and put it away. She knows that if she takes the piss and is on constantly I will remove it.

Dancergirl · 20/09/2016 09:22

It's all the bloody social media, snapchat, instagram and the like. I find it bloody annoying but on the other hand it's a big part of how teenage girls socialise.

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MrsJayy · 20/09/2016 09:23

Oh I dunno things are different these days kids can multitask with. Phones and life IS her work suffering ? At that age their homework was their responsibility as long as it was done before bedtime it was fine

Dancergirl · 20/09/2016 09:23

Dd2 sometimes uses the excuse that she needs to use her class whatsapp group if she has problems with the homework....

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MrsJayy · 20/09/2016 09:24

It is annoying and frustrating just get off the bloody phone

AnyTheWiser · 20/09/2016 09:27

When you were Y9 and Y11 did you socialise all evening, every evening?
I doubt it.
Phones at home allowed only between certain times, ideally after homework, music, supper etc all out of the way.
All phones handed in to parent at the allotted time.

Gottagetmoving · 20/09/2016 09:27

You should lay down some rules over phone use.
No phone until homework is done and definitely no phone at mealtimes.
Kids get obsessed with checking their phone in case they are missing out on something. I would encourage them to get involved in a sport or an activity that takes them away from the phone as well as restricting the phone at other times.

Dancergirl · 20/09/2016 09:29

Thank you all. any can you give me an idea of when they are allowed their phones in your house?

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Dancergirl · 20/09/2016 09:30

Kids get obsessed with checking their phone in case they are missing out on something

So so true. And don't get me started on the bloody streaks

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Balletgirlmum · 20/09/2016 09:33

I agree you need to set rules.

I have two children in year 8 & year 10. Bedtime is between 9.15-9.30pm

They have approx 1 hour of homework per night. Dd has along car journey do dies some then

With DS I work backwards. All homework has to be completed by 8.30pm. Do DS either has to start as soon as he gets in (I give him 20 mins to get changed/have a drink/sort his lunchbox first. Or he has the choice to do what he likes until 7pm then he has to hand his phone etc in until it's completed.

HarleyQuinzel · 20/09/2016 09:34

As long as they're getting the homework done then I don't see a problem.

You could say it has to be downstairs on charge at night. That's what my dad did. He was being massively unfair and trying to ruin my life at the time though .

Balletgirlmum · 20/09/2016 09:35

What he chooses often depends on whether he has sports/drama/music after school.

MrsJayy · 20/09/2016 09:42

Year 9 is 13? At 13 phones were in the living room at night and no phones at dinner tbf there was no snap chat WhatsApp when mine were that age so it was slightly easier to manage

RunningLulu · 20/09/2016 09:53

How are they performing at school? What is their behaviour like otherwise? I think 13-16 is a bit late to start creating rules if you haven't had them before, and it could cause a lot of resentment unless there's a specific problem to be addressed. My DD is 14 and the rule is no phone/internet in her room or alone, but she's more than welcome to use it as much as she wants in front of us provided she does her homework and chores.

AnyTheWiser · 20/09/2016 10:27

oh dancergirl, I am a fraud, and only offering secondhand advice from here!
My DC aren't allowed phones yet, as they're in primary!
That said, dd did have one over the summer as she was at a residential alone, and they were allowed phones for an hour a day before supper, that was all. She accepted it fine.

I think your DC do lots of extra-curricular too though?
My plan is:
Phones handed in when they get home, so that homework/music can happen (journey home they will have had them). After supper (6 pm approx) an hour max if homework is completed, then handed back in, so they can shower, unwind, read etc before bed.

No doubt I will be eating my words in 12 months time

Notso · 20/09/2016 10:43

DD is in 6th form now. When she was in year 10 and 11 we said phone off around an hour before bed and no phones at dinner.
DS1 is 12 has no phone yet but does have a laptop and kindle. Same rules apply with him really.

If homework etc wasn't getting done or they were struggling at school I would be stricter.

user1473282350 · 20/09/2016 10:48

I think they need to learn now that it is totally ok to work without having a phone in their hand - many companies expect no personal mobile phones to be used during work hours.

So I'd go with something like "half an hour after school" - homework time - dinner time - chores - phone time - and then no phone from half an hour before bed. That way if they need homework help via whatsapp they can still ask their friends in the evening and have time to do their homework before bed.

Dancergirl · 20/09/2016 12:30

I should have said that we do have some rules in place already - phones turned off by 9.30pm to be charging in the kitchen and no phones in rooms overnight. It's just the afternoon/early evening it's an issue.

user I think I will implement something along the lines you have suggested.

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Balletgirlmum · 20/09/2016 13:33

It's been easier with dd because she's a day girl at a boarding school & she knows the boarders are subject to rules like no phones until after prep & handed in 15 mins before bedtime.

LouBlue1507 · 20/09/2016 13:40

At 13 and 16 your children are old enough to manage their own timetable and work! They're also old enough to deal with the consequences in school if they don't!
It seems these days parents are trying to control every single aspect of their children's lives far too much (screen time, phone time, outdoor time, family time etc).
How on earth do people expect children to become indecent adults capable of managing their lives?

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LouBlue1507 · 20/09/2016 13:43

I had a phone all the way through secondary school and a computer/laptop.. My parents didn't interfere with homework/bed time etc. I was always allowed my phone (unless I misbehaved) and was on either that or the laptop (ah MSN!) most of the evening!
My school work didn't suffer and I learnt to go to bed pretty handy. I learnt that if I don't do my homework I get detention and if i didn't get enough sleep I was knackered!

user1473282350 · 20/09/2016 13:45

I had an afterthought - is homework being shared on the whatsapp group or are they simply giving out hints and tips?

If it is the former it may account for why there is so much phone and social media usage without a decline in grades / school performance.

Maybe I would trial a couple of weeks with a longer period of phone time after school but none in the evenings to see if they are actually understanding the work they are doing themselves, otherwise, you could be getting a bit of a shock come exam time even with starting out the year with good intentions!

Hope that doesn't come across as accusing - just wanted to raise it as a possible scenario now as you may need to rework how things are done.

Good luck!

phillipp · 20/09/2016 13:46

My Dd is younger but has a phone. The rules are no phone before she I completely ready for school on a morning and no phone until homework is done.

Also no electronics in her room overnight.

Tbf, she opted to stay at school late when she has homework so she doesn't have to do it at home. She is doing very well at school, so I don't see the need to restrict it further.

I do think your oldest is old enough to be organising her workload herself though.

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