AIBU to be embarrassed and annoyed(15 Posts)
I live in a little village. Last year a house on my street - 2 doors away, came on market.
My Cousin and his wife asked if I'd mind them putting in offer and moved in.
We are a close family and those of us that live in the area - county - get together regularly, birthdays xmases, all of that stuff.
It is in someways lovely having them around, we don't see them very much but knowing they are there is nice.
However, their house is an absolute shithole and smells terrible, they never pop over as they are always in bed (they are unemployed and pretty much nocturnal) and they have so many animals in the house that there is cat shit accumulating along the shared access areas. The cats have also started coming into my house. I didn't mind one, he's sweet but now two or three different ones will come in.
Yesterday I popped upstairs while sorting our lunch out and one of them came in and took a block of cheese off the side and ate a chunk of it!
They also use the parking space that has been 'traditionally used by my house' (according to neighbours) and the limited shared parking that goes with the 7 houses is often used by their friends.
They are really sweet people in someways but my cousins wife's daughter has now just moved a boyfriend in and my cousins brother is there nearly constantly.
I'm embarrassed to say it but - they smell. Really really bad. Particularly my cousins wife.
A lot of this is not my problem I know, however, gatherings and events are a problem. I feel like a horrible person saying this but I don't want to invite friends to some events etc as I'm actually embarrassed by this family - particularly the smell as its horrible, my cousins wife also completely dominates a room with a really loud voice. It is however an expectation that they are invited to gatherings and things too.
AIBU am I horrible?
No your not being horrible...I wouldn't want my friends to meet them either.
You could try to have a civilized conversation with them about their behavior and what not but your going to have to be very diplomatic and tactful. All i can say is I hope things improve!
They don't work? How did they manage to buy s house?
I'd be embarrassed too. You'll be judged for your association with them.
deebeejee. It has absolutely been tried regarding having a word. Family have offered to clean their house numerous times in a bit to try and give them help for a fresh start.
If they are spoken to or confronted, my cousins wife weeps and crys and says people are 'getting at them'
All sorts of efforts have been made over the years to try and support, enable and move things on.
Everyone has given up now the children are all past school age. It's pathological unfortunately. I know my uncle is terribly disappointed and embarrassed about it. He's bailed them out numerous times, they've been homeless numerous times due to neglecting rental properties and accruing debts.
This place has been bought with inheritance from cousins wife's parents. It came at a time when they had just been made homeless again.
Do you really think people judge by association that way?
Is he called Onlso? Maybe change your name to Hyacinth and people will understand about the relatives? Your aren't responsible for your relations but things must be bad over there tho if the cats are seeking refuge with you (or maybe you buy posher cheese)!!
I don't think people will judge you based on your relatives' living arrangements or personal hygiene. They are adults so you don't have any control over them.
If they were the cleanest, most hygienic people in the world, do you think your friends and acquaintances would somehow give you credit for it? Of course not. This is just the reverse side of that.
So all these problems have been going on for years, but you were happy for them to move in? Why?
Could you not chuck in a parking dilemma and a hen night for some more really obvious points?
Ha ha! Yep, I guess it is a bit onslo and hyacinth!
They are in many ways lovely and my dd loves going over there (as all they eat is cake and chocolate!).
It really isn't as drama as my second post sounded. I don't give a shit if someone's unemployed, morbidly obese, socially awkward or whatever. If someone is a decent human being then they are OK in my book.
However, the smell of people who don't wash, cat poo in the street etc is a little too much.
I couldn't say no to them buying the place! It isn't my place to have said eh, actually, I don't want you there.
They are hardly a huge problem to us, it's just annoying and rightly or wrongly to feel embarrassed to my friends who come to get togethers and have to be sitting in the same room as someone who actually smells terrible. I actually love them and am sad more than anything, and feel guilty for being a snob
And they hardly bother with dd anymore unless I make efforts. Anyway, the house is dodgy to the point that one of the cats garrotted itself on a ball of wool and had to be rushed to the vets...., my dd also put her hand in superglue one day whilst she was there. It's not safe or healthy! I'm annoyed, disappointed and embarassed
Stop feeling obliged to them. They don't gave the decency to clean themselves up when in your home, with your friends, yet you feel bad! Don't invite them, and tel them in whatever way you like, that they smell. You can be as nice or firm as you need. If she starts crying, tell her that it is something she can sort out. It's not like she's being forced to be dirty. Relationships are a two way street.
Oh dear. I know how you feel. I am lucky that my relatives who are a bit whiffy do not live near me, but I do get "information" about them from other persons. I have tried to help with doing washings and cleaning the kitchen but I just got moaned at. I do not have the Ideal Home and definitely not an OCD cleaner but I tried to help
I have no idea what the answer is but I will see what comes up here.
PS my name is not Hyacinth despite the nom de plume.
Sounds like a bad situation all round, but the image of the cat wrestling a block of cheese off the side is amusing!
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