To get annoyed when people say I had an easy labour?

(159 Posts)

AIBU that every time someone hears that my labour lasted 3 and 1/2 hours it really annoys me that they always say something like "oh a nice/easy one/lucky you/I'm jealous" you get the idea.

Does anyone else have this? My labour was pretty horrific - I went straight from no labour to suddenly established labour. It was agony, I had no time for drugs, and it happened so quickly that there were multiple complications right at the end.

The whole episode left me and DP pretty traumatised - DP went from wanting 3 kids to just the one simply because he never wanted me to go through it again!

Usually I reply along the lines of: "not really."

I get every labour is different and difficult in their own ways, guess I'm just irked that people assume I got off lightly and am somehow lucky because it happened in less time.

Nottalotta Mon 19-Sep-16 19:33:03

I had a c section so can't really comment other than 3.5 hours of agony might be seen as easier than 12 hrs of agony (by the people commenting I mean, not me) . But really people shouldn't be making judgements on ease.

But then I didn't give birth 'properly' according to many.....

Binkybix Mon 19-Sep-16 19:33:44

I had very fast labours and I know what you mean. Particularly with the first one, I was very distressed at being told it was early days etc and I felt I couldn't tolerate it if the pain were to get much worse.

I nearly had to be transfered to hospital because of s complication, but happily not in the end.

I know what you mean, but then I think of people who had to go through agony for days, ending up with emergency C sections etc and I do feel lucky.

PervyMuskrat Mon 19-Sep-16 19:35:15

I sympathise. My first was 4.5 hours (midwives were planning on sending me home even though contractions were very fast and frequent until they examined me and found I was 8cm!) and my second less than one hour. We're not having a third!

I was lucky in that there weren't that many complications afterwards and in truth, I preferred that it didn't last for days although I don't think people get how intense it was going from no signs at all to a baby one hour later flowers

PlotBunny Mon 19-Sep-16 19:36:05

Ugh, I hate people who have that mentality Notta - c sections are just as hard and scary to go through too in my opinion sad** giving birth is giving birth!

Frenchmom Mon 19-Sep-16 19:37:30

No you're not. My third was only about three hours long from the first contraction. Like you, no time for any drugs. Actually I live abroad and the only option was an epidural and it was too late. It was my worst birth experience of the three. At least I had no other complications.

DefinitelyNotRuth Mon 19-Sep-16 19:39:18

I gave birth just over a week ago, had a massive haemorrhage and am very lucky to be here. First thing my DM said to me ... 'But you cheated and had an epidural!' FFS angry
Some people are just twats!

miserablesod Mon 19-Sep-16 19:39:30

Yep quick labours here too. Quick does not necessarily mean easy!!

PlotBunny Mon 19-Sep-16 19:40:22

Oh yeah, I totally agree a long, drawn out labour is bad too. My friend who gave birth a week before me was in labour for 50 odd hours and ended up with a c section. I can't imagine doing that, but then again I never imagined I'd be begging for an epidural only to be told it was far too late! blush

I guess what I'm getting at is each birth has its pros and cons?

SprogletsMum Mon 19-Sep-16 19:41:02

My fastest labour was my hardest because she was breech. I usually win the birth conversation with that one grin

Janek Mon 19-Sep-16 19:41:06

i completely agree with you op - i had an easy labour, it lasted 15 hours - started gently, built up gradually, got bad, baby (okay, episiotomy, baby). Very, very different from zero to awful. People have no sense and don't think before they speak sometimes.

AGruffaloCrumble Mon 19-Sep-16 19:42:21

YANBU. Both my labours have been under 4h. People who have longer labours have breaks in between contractions and a build up. I went into shock the first time as I I was in the start of labour but having full on contractions every two minutes from the very beginning. It grinds my gears when people say it's 'easy.' It's the exact same amount of work smushed into a few hours.

littlepeas Mon 19-Sep-16 19:44:17

Well labour is agony for everybody and a lot of people face complications, so I suppose people who had lengthy drawn out labours think you got off lightly with 3.5 hours. That said, I don't think it is right to make any sort of judgement about how a woman gives birth, so yanbu to be annoyed with people's comments.

PlotBunny Mon 19-Sep-16 19:45:26

Janek - I had a friend who had 12 hour labour with her first and 3 and 1/2 hour with her second (she actually gave birth on her bed, before paramedics could even arrive) and she said she much preferred the first labour as she had time and drugs to prep! Even so she said her 2nd was nice in the way that she didn't have to have a hospital stay (even if their mattress did need replacing...)

littlepeas Mon 19-Sep-16 19:46:09

Just realised my comment reads really badly - sorry - take the sentiment from the second part!!

WeirdAndPissedOff Mon 19-Sep-16 19:46:39

My DSIL would sympathise - she often gets told she had an "easy" labour as it lasted less than 3 hours. However this was because baby's heart rate dropped, she was cut front to back and given forceps. She ended up requiring a mass load of stitches and lost several pints of blood!

I guess there are difficult labour's of all kinds. IMO no-one should tell someone else they had it easy.

Miloarmadillo1 Mon 19-Sep-16 19:48:56

My labour with my 3rd child was 80 mins. Much preferred the 7 hours for the first one. The midwife said your body has the same amount of 'work' to do to give birth whether that happens over days or minutes. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck when no 3 was born and had no control over my limbs, I had so much adrenaline coursing round my veins I couldn't function. It was far too fast for any pain relief or for the TENS and hypnobirthing that got me through 1 and 2 to work. So no, YANBU.

Mouikey Mon 19-Sep-16 19:49:00

I got to hospital at 7:30pm at 9.5cm having started labour at home. I had no idea how uncomfortable it was meant to be before I went in!!! My water never went! I used a TENS machine, hypnobirthing, a ball and had a bath. When I got to hospital I thought they would send me home and only be 2cm.

Was taken straight into the delivery suite (pool), had a bit of gas and air and baby was out (in her sac) within 45 minutes! Doesn't sound bad, and in comparison to others I know it truly wasn't, but it was the speed and lack of control that freaked me out. Additionally we ended up in SCBU due to her pooping in her sac and breathing it in, because she was a bit shocked too!!

Everyone has an entirely different experience, and a fast birth can be as traumatic as a prolonged birth with instruments and the like.

Congrats on your little one, maybe go to the hospital for the speaking service (if they do it) to debrief your experience xx

PlotBunny Mon 19-Sep-16 19:52:33

No worries LittlePeas - didn't think it read like that!

And Weird - your poor DSIL that was exactly what happened to me sad baby got very distressed at how quickly it was going and I had episiotomy with forceps. He ended up with a massive lump on his head because of it poor thing, and I was too terrified to hold him whilst I got stitches that took almost and hour to put in. I remember I was shaking too badly!

(He's fine now though!)

J0kersSmile Mon 19-Sep-16 19:56:47

Quick labour here as well again with no time for drugs and my cervix tore so I had to have an operation straight after as I was bleeding out. Everyone said how lucky I was..

8DaysAWeek Mon 19-Sep-16 19:57:20

YANBU at all. My labour was very quick too. I went into the pregnancy assessment ward where it was glaringly obvious they wanted to send me home as my waters had only broken a couple of hours earlier. I told OH when they disappeared for a minute there was no way I was going home. The pain was horrendous and I wasn't allowed pain relief until I was in labour ward. I begged them to examine me again an hour after the first exam and they did reluctantly (something about not doing internal exams more than 4 hourly) and they found I'd went from 1cm to 5cm in an hour. By the time I got downstairs to labour award there wasn't any time for a epidural and he came (back to back) an hour later.

I told my pregnant friend about it and her response was "oh that doesn't sound too bad" angry

babyblabber Mon 19-Sep-16 19:57:43

I also went from zero to full on contractions every two minutes. They were so bad from the very first one that I lost all control and nearly hyperventilated, a midwife came running to talk me through breathing! But that was on day two of an induction and it took 7 horrendous hours of those contractions to get to 1cm when I finally got an epidural. Took another 12 hours, Episiotomy and forceps to get 11lbs DS out. I couldn't walk for weeks. DH says it was the worst thing he'd ever seen.

So to me, 3.5 hours no matter how intense sounds fine! I can see why people say it but I can also see why it annoys you.

TheRadiantAerynSun Mon 19-Sep-16 19:58:18

I'm with you. My labour was 1hr 50m from nothing to baby. It was quick, but it was brutal and violent.

I had I no time for pain relief, lost a horrific amount of blood, I tore and I was cut, I pulled all the muscles in my back so I could barely move after.

My sister had a 24hr labour that was traumatic in different way.

Time is no indication of ease.

witsender Mon 19-Sep-16 20:02:00

Yanbu. With DD it was 27hrs. Ds, 1.5hrs start to finish. So many comment on how lucky I was with his labour. Yeah, right...try ejecting a 9lb11oz lump out of your noo noo with no pain relief, when you are barely dilated. Funnily enough no-one wants to hear about the extensive repairs that were necessary after the event...

Crunchymum Mon 19-Sep-16 20:02:05

I think havin a baby generally hurts and is a bit shit whatever the circumstances.

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