Is my brother being unreasonable to want to have nothing to do with his little boy's family? I'll run through the background. Long story mind.
My brother went through a very difficult time a few years ago. He met a girl online and within a few months she was pregnant. Yes silly but accidents happen. She then dumped him by facebook chat 3 days after the second scan without reason. Two weeks later she then went on holiday with some friends and came back engaged to one of her friends. This new chap was some 20 years older than her but a family friend. I suspect something had been going on between them for a while. When she returned from her holiday she then started telling my brother the baby might not be his afterall but refused to answer if she had slept with anyone else. So she basically saw out the remainder of the pregnancy with the other chap including ante natal classes whilst leaving my brother unsure if he was the father. She refused to take calls from my brother and her family also did the same. He didn't see her once from the 2nd scan to when the baby was born. Even my parents tried to contact her mother and her mother said she had no idea her daughter was saying the baby might not be his and she would find what was going on and return the call. She never did. Anyway baby was born and my brother rightly wanted a paternity test. He got a text from the girl saying she still didn't know who was father but she was not ready to see him to do a paternity test. After 5 days my brother finally went to her families house and was told that baby was definitely his but the baby and this girl were now living with her new chap. A week after baby was born he finally got to meet his boy and the girl basically admitted the baby was his and she was lying all along. He still did the test and it was definitely his child. The girl then dictated access arrangements, a few hours here and there once a week at her choice normally in a bar or cafe somewhere. She wouldn't even let my brother take the boy to see our grandmother who was dying of cancer. My brother eventually wanted a formatted access agreement but she refused so he eventually got a solicitor to write a letter to her wanting to set access terms. Her family went balistic at this and said he was being immature. A few weeks later a big bombshell dropped that this girl's fiance was standing trial in court for rape of another girl around the same age as baby's mother. Apparently it happpend a few weeks before he went on holiday that he came back engaged to baby's mother and the prosecution had a text from the chap to the girl admitting to raping her. By this point this girl was already pregnant with another child, her second child in the same calander year with a different man. He didn't contact the girl because he knew she would be stressed out and was heavilly pregnant so he contacted her family and was told it was none of his business. Eventually the chap got found guilty of sexual assult and added to the sex offenders register. He also found out she lied to the hospital and nursury and put the other chap's name down as father. Ever since this has happened he has wanted nothing to do with the family. He eventually got access awarded to him, every other weekend and things seem to be ok between him and this girl on a parent basis, but he wants nothing to do the child's family. He says whenever he sees them they all try to kiss and hug him and joke around like nothing happened. The child is four next year and beginning to ask about birthday parties but my brother says there will be no joined up party and that he won't be going to the party. He says he has basically lacks any respect from this family for him being father and wants nothing to do with them. I can understand where he is coming from but i'm trying to tell him that the boy will be coming to an age soon where he will pick up on the strained relations between his father and his mother's family.
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AIBU?
Is my brother being unresonable to want nothing to do with his child's family?
27 replies
celeste83 · 19/09/2016 13:34
OP posts:
DixieWishbone ·
19/09/2016 15:50
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