...if I see my mother less and less.

(4 Posts)
JennieLee Mon 19-Sep-16 10:41:35

Drove up the motorway to see her yesterday with partner and daughter - who's at university.

She's in her late eighties now. With my daughter I shopped for lunch, cooked it and served it. My husband helped me wash up. Later in the afternoon I served tea and cake. I asked my mother after her health and her social activities.

She asked my daughter about her studies and my husband about his elderly father. Also about the business that we both run.

She didn't smile at me or say it was good to see me. She never once during a visit of seven hours asked me any question about my work or my life or what I was doing.

I try to be civil in view of her age, but the lack of engagement distresses me.

Fortunately she is fond of my brothers, who are both in touch with her regularly.

Any thoughts?

Queenbean Mon 19-Sep-16 10:46:56

I do think you're being a bit U. She is old and won't be around forever.

Don't you just bring up things that you do? Isn't that normal conversation? I never just wait to be asked about specifics of my life, they just come up. Ie "Did you enjoy playing bridge last week? It's so nice to have hobbies isn't it - did I tell you I've started knitting again? Someone at work does it so we decided to join a group together"

MrsJayy Mon 19-Sep-16 10:51:31

As people age they can get more insular so your mother appears disinterested and maybe selfish do you really want to stop posting an 80yr old woman because she didn't ask after you ?

JennieLee Mon 19-Sep-16 10:51:41

I used to volunteer a bit more information, but got tired of the blank stares and/or being interrupted and/or her turning away. The lack of engagement or any kind of follow-up.

So I wait to be asked. Because then - I tell myself - she will probably at least listen to the answer.

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