Or is STBXH?

(63 Posts)
YoureaFlutteringCunt Sun 18-Sep-16 17:38:39

He has them friday night to Sunday night. He brings them home at 5pm.

He refuses to bath them Sunday and never feeds them dinner. Gives them breakfast and lunch.

So at 5pm on a Sunday night they come home from the park filthy, I am bathing 4 kids and then cooking for them. On what seems like is 'his day'.

AIBU to think he should do at least one of these things. If not both?!

And he hardly ever does reading/homework so that has to be fit in too most weekends.

Trifleorbust Sun 18-Sep-16 17:42:48

If he's bringing them home at 5 that seems a little early for me for bath and dinner. Whose preference is the time chosen? Would it not be more sensible for them to come home at 7, basically ready for bed?

hardtopinpoint Sun 18-Sep-16 17:43:41

Should probably do it but if he doesn't there's fuck all you can do except ask him to do it.

I ignore the filth except when it's really bad and then they go in a super quick shower. I offer a piece of toast if they're starving.

What time are they getting back? Could you ask for half an hour earlier to get those things done?

ErrolTheDragon Sun 18-Sep-16 17:43:59

Does he have to feed and get them bathed on the Friday?

hardtopinpoint Sun 18-Sep-16 17:44:31

Oh sorry I didn't see you said 5pm.

They can hardly eat and get in jimjams by 5 can they?

Adjust it to 7pm.

LemonSqueezy0 Sun 18-Sep-16 17:44:37

Can you amend either the time, to 7/7.30 or the day so he drops them to school on Monday. More quality time for them with him, and you for yourself. Both very important.

ErrolTheDragon Sun 18-Sep-16 17:45:55

He definitely should be dealing with the weekend reading and homework though.

Tiggeryoubastard Sun 18-Sep-16 17:46:34

YABU. It's far too early. Can't you see that? I'd just be pleased they had a good time with him in the park or wherever. You may not realise it but you sound like one of 'those' exes.

YoureaFlutteringCunt Sun 18-Sep-16 17:48:16

He wouldn't keep them overnight and I couldn't trust him to get them all to school anyway.

It just annoys me that I do everything all week and the ONLY thibg I ask him to do is bath them on a sunday.

I doubt he would bring them home later than five. He already turns up early most Sundays.

KarmaNoMore Sun 18-Sep-16 17:51:22

I think for a 5pm return it is unreasonable to expect him to bring them back fed and bathed. That is far too early and means they only have half a day on Sundays.

Woukd it make sense to change it for the kids to be returned to school on Monday instead? Or a 6:30 pm return on Sunday's? I still think that the children should be bathed in the house they are staying overnight though.

KarmaNoMore Sun 18-Sep-16 17:53:17

Oh I see that them staying with him on Sunday's is not a good idea.

Itsmine Sun 18-Sep-16 17:56:04

'It just annoys me that I do everything all week and the ONLY thibg I ask him to do is bath them on a sunday'

Nrps don't tend to do the 'only thing' their exes ask I'm afraid, so without sounding unpleasant you need to get used to it.

If they are school age they can't they bath themselves once home?

Trifleorbust Sun 18-Sep-16 17:59:51

If he won't bring them back later, could he bring them earlier? Give him the choice: either 3pm without baths, reading and pyjamas, or 7pm with.

Seems a bit off that he tries to bring them back early most weeks anyway, so this could work to your advantage.

redskytonight Sun 18-Sep-16 18:04:44

Personally I' d rather my DC had spent Sunday afternoon in the park, than being bathed and fed (what would you then do with them once they got home?). Agree with others that if you want him to do these tasks, you need to adjust your dropoff time.

FullTimeYummy Sun 18-Sep-16 18:05:49

"couldn't trust him to get them all to school"

Really?

You sound like an irritating matyr and it's no wonder you're no longer together if your opinion of him is so low

FFS

PaulAnkaTheDog Sun 18-Sep-16 18:21:36

Yabu. If you can trust your ex with your children for a weekend then why on earth can't you trust him to take them to school? I'm guessing that if this wasn't the problem you'd find another.

Dieu Sun 18-Sep-16 18:42:34

My ex husband take our children every 2nd Saturday night, and returns them at 8.30pm on the Sunday. They are fed but not bathed. I guess these arrangements are seldom ideal.

Dieu Sun 18-Sep-16 18:42:59

takes

harderandharder2breathe Sun 18-Sep-16 18:45:24

If he won't keep them later then have him bring them home earlier so you have more time for baths and tea

hardtopinpoint Sun 18-Sep-16 18:46:06

I think putting theM in the bath on Sunday afternoon is bonkers, and sounds like you're trying to prove a point.

Try and be thankful they're obviously having a lot of fun outside if they're coming back dirty.

hardtopinpoint Sun 18-Sep-16 18:47:39

If they're usually back early then what's the problem?

4.40 leaves time for reading, dinner and bed.

How old are they?

AcrossthePond55 Sun 18-Sep-16 18:51:32

He's a shit, but as others say, there's not much you can do.

Can you do a cook ahead meal on Sunday earlier and reheat it? Or a one pot/slow cooker meal that would be ready around 5-ish? Then when they get home at 5 supper would be ready to eat then bath later or if they're filthy bath then reheat supper later?

BFF's ex used to bring their son home filthy. It was worth it to her to spend a bit of her Sunday cooking ahead.

hardtopinpoint Sun 18-Sep-16 19:29:00

I don't see how he's a shit.

I don't see any evidence of that

Ego147 Sun 18-Sep-16 19:31:37

If he has them for the weekend, he should do the homework and the reading. It's important.

But not sure about the bath and tea.

hardtopinpoint Sun 18-Sep-16 19:35:06

I think the homework depends on how old they are

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