to say no to this trip

[popmimiboo]

Background: we live abroad, DC all born here but have been bilingual since birth, regularly spend time with family in UK, attended international school for primary...

DD is 14 and has the choice of two school trips this year.
Trip 1: 2 week exchange to Germany €300
Trip 2: 6 day language course to learn English in the Isle of Wight, €600

DD wants to go to the Isle of Wight because most of her friends are going. I'd love her to go and visit, explore the island etc. but the trip involves 6 hours of English lessons a day, which, imo are a complete waste of time for DD.

She's stamping her foot and saying I'm being unfair for not wanting her to go. I think €600 is a lot of money to waste on English lessons and would rather she went to Germany.

AIBU?

[AddToBasket]

YANBU. 6hrs of a language you already speak is an indulgence.

Germany will be awesome.

[Soubriquet]

Hmmm what is it your protesting about exactly?

If she didn't speak English would you be happy to spend the 600 for her to go to England?

[HeddaGarbled]

Never underestimate the importance to a 14 year old of going on the trip her friends are going on. The extra curricular stuff is as important if not more important than the English lessons, IMO: the memories and funny incidents they'll still be talking about years later.

[popmimiboo]

Soubriquet: I object to paying €600 for DD to learn her own language when she could be experiencing a new country and language. I would be more open to the trip if it was purely cultural as I'm sure there is a lot to see on the Isle of Wight but I really don't see the point in her sitting jn a classroom all day, learning what she already knows! I think she is too young to realize how bored she will actually be.
Re. your question -the cost would still play a part, this trip is double the price of the Germany trip for a shorter duration.

Hedda: that's why I'm doubting a little. My reasons make sense to me but, of course, I don't want DD to "miss out" on the experience. At the same time, the Germany trip would also offer her new experiences and there are a few of her friends who will be participating too.

[TaterTots]

I think you have to put your foot down. She'll be disappointed and will sulk, but you're the adult here and will have to risk upsetting her. It's not as if no one she knows will be going to Germany and the differencein cost is not inconsiderable.

[OwlinaTree]

Would you let her go if she paid for herself?

[Squeegle]

YANBU, she should go to Germany.

[TaliDiNozzo]

I don't think I would shell out for the IoW trip either tbh. Like others say, the cultural and social aspects are important with trips, but the six hours a day in a classroom learning a language she already knows is silly.

[Lunde]

Are there advanced options available for the English classes where she could polish her skills?

[redexpat]

Can she read and write in English?

[Lunde]

Just to add that my daughter is bilingual (English/Swedish) but she has got a lot of benefit from doing a class focussed on the Cambridge English exam that gives entry to many International University courses

[MrsHulk]

Is there any other reason she doesn't want to go on the Germany trip? I'd have hated an exchange at that age as didn't want to live with strangers.

[Newtoday]

She's end up hating it due to the English lessons. I'd say she'd thank you for the Germany trip in the end...

[DavidPuddy]

Whereabouts in Germany? Is it somewhere exciting?

[Bluechip]

I would let her go to IOW. It will also be a good chance for her to get to know a bit of England (I presume you visit regularly) as even with family visits it's good for her to see some of the country herself and with her friends. And at 14 I think she's likely to get more out of the trip she wants to go on. So YANBU objectively, but I would let a 14yo do the trip she is enthusiastic about. There will be lots to learn from both.

[LightDrizzle]

YANBU! There will be multiple other opportunities for your daughter to socialise with her friends. The German trip will be much more educational and stimulating for her.

Also I've seen friends and relatives curse themselves for caving to similar demands from their children, only to have the same child plead with them not to make them go (after a hefty payment) because the key friends who were definitely going because their parents weren't mean etc. suddenly aren't going after all.

[Hulababy]

If the IoW trip wasn't happening at all - would she then want to go on the Germany trip?

Does she only want to go on the IoW trip because of her friends? Or is it also that she wants to go to that place, and the other things on offer?

Fine for you to veto the trip if you don't want her to go. Your money after all.

But I wouldn't make her go to Germany either. I would give her the option but not say she has to. Two weeks in someone else's house might not be to her fancy after all.

[popmimiboo]

Ok, lots of posts to answer!

DD would love the Germany trip. She was really excited about it before the IOW trip came up! She has done an exchange before (Spain) and loved it, really enjoyed staying with the family. It's just that, given the choice, she'd prefer to go to IOW.
She actually went on a trip to London too 2 years ago -her whole class went and they had a fantastic time, sightseeing and shopping.

Someone asked me about her reading and writing, so yes, she was in an international primary so learned to read and write like children in the UK do. She really is bilingual, not just a fluent speaker.

However, I will try to get hold of her English teacher this week and ask her opinion.
I know her German would benefit from the exchange though as she is not confident in spoken German and I'd like her to get to communicate in a "foreign" language!

I'm still leaning towards Germany and DD seems disappointed but ok about it. I need to give papers in by Friday...

[popmimiboo]

Lunde -DD is going to do the Cambridge exams too. She's starting lessons next week and I'm hoping they'll be interesting and more challenging than the usual English lessons at school.
The trip isn't compulsory for the Cambridge course but will obviously be beneficial to the other non English speaking children.

[CrotchetQuaverMinim]

She might enjoy being the one that speaks the language and helps everyone else out, translates things in shops and restaurants, etc - kind of gives her a bit more 'status' somehow amongst the group, and that might give her social standing in some way, if she needs it. Depends what the friendship groups dynamics are like, but I think it might have helped me in a similar situation, to be the one that anyone could ask for help, etc.

Is it really 6 hours of sitting in a classroom? Or maybe it's much more activity based, which would give her the chance to do stuff, see the IoW, be more active with her friends, etc, even if it's easy for her. The social side would have meant a lot to me, as a very very shy and lonely teenager. But if she's much more confident and easy with friends, then something like Germany might challenge her more, and she might enjoy the novelty.

[popmimiboo]

Problem solved -seems DD is s lot more sensible than I gave her credit.
She came home today and told me that she has signed up for the Germany trip and extra German lessons. She's very happy and excited about it (particularly the xmas market!) Apparently only 2 of her class are going but not that many are going to IOW either anyway.