To have sent all the children home from the sleepover, before they had even gone to sleep...

(277 Posts)
Waterstick Sun 18-Sep-16 12:11:45

My son is shy, but seems to have made friends, so I thought hmm he wanted a sleepover (he's 9) and most people are having them now.

When they arrived, they didn't really interact with DS, just between each other and every time they laughed, DS seemed to just come out to me.

I was upstairs doing general tidying, but hear DS start to cry, he was some how trapped in the toilet, the kids seemed to be engaged with the telly and wouldn't speak when I asked about it. DS cannot lock the door, but yet it's not hard to lock from the outside with a coin. DS swore to me that he never touched the lock so wasn't sure why he was stuck in there.

Honestly, the whole time it felt like they didn't want DS there and it was his party! The bit that then topped it over the edge was when my son was trying to put a DVD into the telly and one of them shoved him out the way and quickly changed the DVD. I saw that and told them that it wasn't okay and they were all going home.

It just wasn't on, I'm quite horrified.

Rant over.

I probably was being U though.

PurpleDaisies Sun 18-Sep-16 12:13:57

You rang all the patents to get their children?

I wonder if you might have inadvertently made things worse for your son when he's back at school on Monday. How old is he?

Sienna29 Sun 18-Sep-16 12:14:08

I don't think you were necessarily being unreasonable. I'm worried it may have come across as a little hysterical/OTT and stepping in firmly on your sons behalf may have been better.

n0ne Sun 18-Sep-16 12:14:22

Of course you WNBU! Your poor son. I think you're perfectly within your rights to revoke invitations if the kids are being shits. They obviously didn't want to be there anyway.

MaddyHatter Sun 18-Sep-16 12:14:44

nope, you were entirely justified.

i hope you told their parents exactly why they were being sent home too!

Waterstick Sun 18-Sep-16 12:14:50

Yes, I did...

He's 9.

To be honest, I had just had enough of it, it was constant!

PurpleDaisies Sun 18-Sep-16 12:14:53

Sorry, just realised you've said he's nine. Did he want you to send his "friends" home?

AlpacaLypse Sun 18-Sep-16 12:14:58

yanbu, it wasn't working for your son.

You'll need a reason why it's no longer convenient for these children to stay over, as the other parents will be wondering, and your son doesn't need gossip bobbing about.

Next time invite just one other child.

Waterstick Sun 18-Sep-16 12:15:32

Thanks all angry

Branleuse Sun 18-Sep-16 12:16:10

This is why sleepovers are shit. Theyre not obligatory you know. Noone gets any sleep and kids end up crying.

I think you were a bit OTT to send everyone home though once youd arranged it

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 18-Sep-16 12:17:16

Ah that's awful. . Maybe have his friends over one at a time then you can see exactly what sort of relationship he has with each one? Then maybe help him build up on one or two that he feels more comfortable with.

Francescaestee Sun 18-Sep-16 12:17:27

YANBU I would have done the same. How horrible for your ds.

Waterstick Sun 18-Sep-16 12:17:33

I arranged it thinking they wouldn't be bullies to my kid.

DS wouldn't have been able to relax in that setting. Well, DS came to me after and said he is glad they are gone as he didn't like it, so I think he's pretty happy with it.

MaddyHatter Sun 18-Sep-16 12:18:04

Really Bran? You think its preferable to keep her son in the same environment as children that are essentially bullying him in his own home infront of his mother?

fuck that.. home they go.

Nanny0gg Sun 18-Sep-16 12:18:14

I don't blame you, it's a really upsetting situation. What did the other parents say?

It might be worth a chat with school to discuss how he is doing socially rather than academically so that perhaps they can help foster better relationships for him.

Floggingmolly Sun 18-Sep-16 12:19:41

Hard one... You'll have made it really difficult for him at school, they'll all be talking about it on Monday sad. Why didn't you just stay in the room with them until lights out, when you saw the way things were going?

JenLindleyShitMom Sun 18-Sep-16 12:20:33

You did absolutely the right thing. No way should you have stood by and let that shit carry on. Your Poor son. I hope he is okay now.

Waterstick Sun 18-Sep-16 12:20:54

Flogging, I did at one point and they never spoke to DS, they were all giggling in the corner and DS was sitting on the sofa with me and every time he went to sit on the floor with them, they stopped talking.

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 18-Sep-16 12:21:02

Hmm, I think big group sleepovers rarely work - someone gets left out/picked on and someone always ends up crying. It's not nice for anyone. People are over-excited and hyped up and things go too far.

YWNBU but don't rule out sleepovers in the future. Just stick to one child next time!

AlistairSim Sun 18-Sep-16 12:21:38

You did the right thing. You stuck up for your son, how can that be wrong?

CousinCharlotte Sun 18-Sep-16 12:21:51

I don't blame you at all, but I'm also concerned about how this will play out for your ds at school on Monday.

Champagneformyrealfriends Sun 18-Sep-16 12:22:35

There is no fucking way a child of mine will feel bullied in their own home. Yanbu OP.

Floggingmolly Sun 18-Sep-16 12:23:30

They excluded him right in front of you? shock. Little shites...
How are things at school? This can't be the first time they've ganged up on him? I'd talk to the school and make sure it's not more widespread.
Glad he's ok about the untimely end to his sleepover, poor fella.

pudcat Sun 18-Sep-16 12:24:47

You'll have made it really difficult for him at school, they'll all be talking about it on Monday
So no one should do anything about bullies because of what they will do next. This is what bullies thrive on. I would hope that the bullies parents have told them how ashamed they are of them and and told them what will happen if it continues.
OP if your son is bullied at school please go in to sort it out.

saoirse31 Sun 18-Sep-16 12:25:53

Can't envisage a sleepover for nine yr olds where the mother is sitting in the room where they're watching tv.... seems likely to stop kids esp urge kid enjoying themselves. However I also don't get in open where used say, you thought he wanted sleepover. Irrespective of everything else , those two things suggest you may need to step back , in general. Not saying don't deal with bullying if its there.

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