Feeling guilty when spending money?

[Orda1]

Hi all,

I need some advice/ a shake.

I have a problem with guilt when spending money on anything 'non-essential' so food, bills, insurance etc. are alright but honestly it still makes me feel quite stressed. The only thing that doesn't make me feel guilty is buying gifts for birthdays/Christmas.

I know this isn't normal and I need tips on how to deal with it? Sometimes I put clothes I really like in an online shopping basket but I don't buy them. I'd feel bad for spending money on myself for fun and not saving it.

We have a shared hobby which we do spend probably £75-100 a month on though and that stresses me but I love it so much it's worth it, IYSWIM.

Please help!

[Bailey101]

It depends why you feel guilty for spending money. Without any information about your financial situation it's impossible for anyone to give you advice.

[Orda1]

Hi Bailey.

I don't know why I feel guilty, that's the problem. No money worries, I just feel terrible if I spend something instead of saving it, I need to get over it but not sure how.

[3Eggses]

I'm the same. I even "borrow" from myself and pay myself back if I buy something I deem extravagant . I don't like unplanned purchases.

I will however spend eye watering amounts of money on holidays and feel no guilt at all.

There's no logic to my guilt. I earn my own money. My DP is the complete opposite to me. We both frustrate each other.

Sorry - I offer no help but you're not alone.

[user1471426807]

I'm like this. Even if I've saved for something, I always ponder if the money could be spent on something else instead.

Luckily my husband is the opposite so we have a good balance!!

[Bailey101]

Are you saving for anything in particular, like a house deposit? When I was saving for my first house, I treated every penny like gold! I still have a bit of a panic about things like my roof falling off or needing to replace all my windows, but I'm getting better at treating myself.

You say you're financially ok, but were you ever really skint in the past? That can make people hang onto money, they might have a good income now but they're scared of struggling again.

[OlennasWimple]

I'm like this too - although for me it's that I hate spending money if I think that I could have got it cheaper (buying elsewhere, waiting for a sale, using a voucher etc). It feels like I'm wasting money

[Orda1]

3Eggses - I forgot to say, holidays I am fine with usually. It makes no sense. It's the standard purchases that I struggle with, like if my foundation runs out or I need a new pair of shoes!

Bailey - no, not exactly. We own a house but always saving for the next one. I have exactly the same worries re the house! I've never been skint as such but I did struggle when I was at uni, I wonder if it comes from there? But I recall being the same even when I had a part time job at school.

As User and 3 say, my DP is the opposite too! He will think nothing of popping to the shops for something he wants.

Olenna - yes that too! If I see something I've bought a few weeks later on sale I feel terrible and like I've wasted the difference!

[Orda1]

Ps, it's good to hear I'm not alone! I'm forever seeing people returning from the shops with bags and bags of stuff on social media and it makes me feel like an oddball. But as we all know, social media is never really real is it!?

[Foxyloxy1plus1]

I feel guilty about spending money on anything other than essentials, but that's because there is very little to spare.

[Spudlet]

I'm just the same! I was dreadfully skint a few years ago, and now spending money on non-essentials for myself causes me all sorts of guilt and dithering.

[WhoisLucasHood]

I'm the same, however i like being careful with money. I've had loans and maxed out credit cards so I've had my far share if spending but having money in the bank and no debts is a far nicer feeling than buying bags of stuff. I'm a careful spender now.

[redskytonight]

I'm the same and no money worries here either. I would rather, for example, wear a top until it literally falls to pieces than buy a new one.

In my case I think it relates to not having any money when I was younger, and listneing to my mum and dad having blazing arguments about seemingly spending any money that was non-essential. Ironically because DH and I argue about my dislike of spending the money that we do have!!

[Bailey101]

Do you think it could be a mixture of wanting a slush fund for the house and your partners different attitude to spending? Even if he's not overspending, you see him buying non-essentias and your subconscious is trying to compensate for it. Do you maybe look at him buying a new shirt and think 'what if we need to buy a new exhaust for the car'.

I've no idea how to level out that sort of thinking though (I've never merged finances with a partner, so it's not a situation I've been in).

I'm not much help, sorry

[Sprinklestar]

I have a similar feeling when I pay full price for something. My parents always used to be on the lookout for a bargain and quality/choice etc wouldn't matter, so long as they bagged a bargain. I swear it wasn't until once I was at university and I had a boyfriend who paid full price for stuff that I realized just how odd this was! DPs both worked, earned well, and there was no reason for their frugality. Even now, as a retired baby boomer, DM would rather buy her least favourite colour of something if it's cheaper than her preferred alternative. She makes out that I'm extravagant if I spend more than £50 on a pair of shoes, the fact they'll last years if you invest in quality seems to pass her by! There's no convincing her and I still hear her voice echoing in my head when I make larger purchases (though as I've got older, I quite enjoy 'rebelling').

[woodhill]

I'm like this too. I feel guilty for buying things but it doesn't stop me although I'm quite sensible in what I buy.

[Notsoyummi]

Meet your sister I think it stemmed from being a sahm and one wage coming in I have a part time job now which I can work around kid its an extra €200 a week but I still feel guilty and it goes straight into joint account for bills not my own account I just do without but I don't mind dipping in if kids need something birthdays etc!

[treaclesoda]

I'm the same. I feel huge guilt at spending, even on fairly essential things.

I think it goes back to the days when we were seriously skint. We're not now, but I remember the feeling so well that I can't quite shake it off.

[BackforGood]

Would it help to have a separate account or wallet for a "treats fund", so you don't feel you are taking money out of the household budget.... sort of like a 'pocket money' account for each of you to do as you will with?

Oh, and nothing wrong with liking a bargain.

[redexpat]

House of Colour recommend saving 10%of your income for clothes. So some months you will spend it all, others you wont spend any of it. Would that help?

[dillyduck]

House of Colour recommend saving 10%of your income for clothes.

10 percent of take-home pay? I guess that house of colour don't have any other living expenses.

[Foxyloxy1plus1]

Wow. If I spent 10% on clothes, we wouldn't be paying bills.

[vinoandbrie]

10%?! That is rather too much I fear, whatever one's income level!

[redexpat]

My point is, pick a number and decide that that amount is for your clothes, or days out or whatever. HOC does cater more to professionals.

[Bailey101]

I'm a professional and I wouldn't spend 10% of my income on clothes!

House of colour telling you to spend 10% on clothes is kind of like B&Q telling you to redecorate every 3 months - they just want to get you spending.

[vinoandbrie]

I'm very much a professional, and agree with Bailey101.