AIBU to expect exh to supply kids pyjamas?

(15 Posts)
lizzieoak Sun 18-Sep-16 06:52:35

This is historical as our son is now an older teen, but I was mentioning to a friend (who has no kids) that I had found out, years after the fact, that my exh had not supplied jammies for the one night a week that he had our son, at least not when they'd stay at his girlfriend's house. Exh confirmed this & did not think it was a big deal. He wouldn't give me details of stuff @ his gf's & I didn't want to grill DS but apparently DS was not on a futon or spare bed with her similar aged sons, no, he was in her exh's part of the house where exh has a little granny flat. With no pyjamas!! Now I am pretty certain her ex is not disgusting pedophile, but isn't this odd? That exh would be so cavalier with amazing kid's sleep locale and sleepwear? My friend thought the where was odd, but that I should have supplied the pj's as "he does pay child support".

GoldFishFingerz Sun 18-Sep-16 06:58:04

Maybe he just slept in pants and a t shirt!

HallowedMimic Sun 18-Sep-16 06:58:31

I don't think pyjamas are a big deal at all. My son prefers a t shirt, just an ordinary, everyday one.

The granny flat thing is at least a sign that everyone in the family got along well. Your son was treated like part of the family.

GoldFishFingerz Sun 18-Sep-16 06:58:42

How far away from adults was he? When sleeping? How old?

WipsGlitter Sun 18-Sep-16 07:25:15

Now I am pretty certain her ex is not disgusting pedophile, but isn't this odd? That exh would be so cavalier with amazing kid's sleep locale and sleepwear

What on earth do you mean?? Was the ex still living there?

My kids sometimes go to bed in a tee-shirt and pants. Meh.

ILoveItWhenItsAutumn Sun 18-Sep-16 07:32:18

My kids often sleep in tshirt and undies. Especially when it's warm.
I don't think it's a big deal really.

AverageGayLadAtChristmas Sun 18-Sep-16 07:47:42

I sleep in my boxers all year round and have done since a young age confused

Mypurplecaravan Sun 18-Sep-16 08:40:42

So many issues and 1 small post.

Of course he was unreasonable to think you should provide all pj clothing cos he paid child support.do you provide food when he is with dad too?

No he is not unreasonable to suggest he sleeps in t shirt and undies if the boy was happy to do so.

No idea if unreasonable that he slept in the granny flat. More details needed.

But as a general rule, the exact details of how he chooses to look after his own son on the days that he has him are up to him. Yes he must be safe and clean and cared for. But the exact details are for him to work out. Unless you ran every decision you ever made by him too

LemonSqueezy0 Sun 18-Sep-16 08:45:36

Crikey, if your child is now an older teen what could you possibly hope to gain by having a thousand posts on mumsnet agreeing that your ex should be hung drawn and quartered over pjs... Based on what you've said, and I do hope it's not a massive drip feed of information, I think you need to let it go.. It actually does not matter.

ReginaBlitz Sun 18-Sep-16 08:55:10

You should have Sent him with pjs ffs.

lizzieoak Sun 18-Sep-16 11:33:57

Oh, okay. DS seemed surprised about the no pj's when he remembered (exh was with gf for years, never lived with her, they split about 2-3 years ago). I've never had DS in just undies as a) cold 8 months of the year and b) pyjamas are nice and c) at exh's gf's full house DS would not have wanted to be in undies in front of her kids, her, her exh, so would have had to get dressed first thing. DS is a big fan of wearing pj's all morning on weekends.

It just came up in conversation w a friend & I explained that I didn't know at the time but (perhaps as she's childless) she thought I should have sent him w all possible needed belongings.

Still think the granny flat thing is weird. If it had been me w a bf I would not have sent DS to sleep in a (hypothetical) bf's ex's flat.

lizzieoak Sun 18-Sep-16 11:37:41

Oh, and he was aged 7-13 at the time. Not sure how far away as I never saw the house.

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 18-Sep-16 11:53:50

Why didn't you send him with PJ's if it was such an issue? Maybe ex's gf had a "get changed when you get up" rule?

QueenArseClangers Sun 18-Sep-16 13:15:29

So DS was in an annexe where your ex's girlfriend's ex lived?
confused

lizzieoak Sun 18-Sep-16 14:55:28

Didn't send him with pyjamas as I didn't know till years later that his dad wasn't providing pj's when they visited. DS was in the half of the house where his dad's gf's exh lived - after their divorce they'd had a part of the house hived off, put in a locked door, new entrance, second kitchen etc. At night my son went & stayed next door. I didn't know any of this till years later as unsurprisingly it never occurred to me that he wouldn't be sleeping nearer his dad. His dad & I don't get along so it's not all huge gobs of info coming my way.

It was years ago so I was more wondering if it's odd, certainly not something I'd ever bring up w exh (we also have a daughter together but she's older & didn't like these sleepovers as her dad's exgf had boys ds's age and she was bored out of her mind so she'd go for dinner then bus home. Doesn't sound like they'd have had room for her anyway!

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