to think that this is too old to TTC?

(69 Posts)
HuskyLover1 Fri 16-Sep-16 22:45:12

My friend is 47. She has decided to TTC. I would never tell her how I feel, I will be 100% supportive. But, I just feel that she has left it far too late, to have kids. She will be 65 when the child goes to Uni (if it does). If the child doesn't leave at 18, she will have he/she at home until she is mid to late 70's. I know that I am comparing her situation to my own, I am 46 and both my kids are adults and have left home. Me and DH (aged 43) are now ramping up the exotic holidays etc. I feel sad that she won't have any of that. I guess the question is, how old is too old?

AprilSkies44 Fri 16-Sep-16 22:50:23

thats up to her to decide if she does get pg.
i have two adult kids now but was pg with dp at 44 - unfortunatley she had a chromosomal disorder and we didnt continie but i feel i still could give a lot to being a mum. its really none of your business.

Mummyme1987 Fri 16-Sep-16 22:50:59

I think the likelihood of having a baby at that age is very small. I wouldn't worry about something that only has a tiny chance of happening.

Mummyme1987 Fri 16-Sep-16 22:51:35

And it's up to her anyway?

SleepFreeZone Fri 16-Sep-16 22:52:02

I doubt she will have a child at 47 it happens but it is very rare. Just support her without judgement.

dudsville Fri 16-Sep-16 22:52:17

Why even worry about something that had a small chance of happening? It's her life. You don't have to live it.

sparechange Fri 16-Sep-16 22:53:31

It's not biologically ideal and will mean she has to have (expensive) IVF
But if she hasn't had children before now, presumably she has had all the time when you were child rearing to have the exotic holidays that you are only now getting to.

Maybe she is bored of them and wants the grind!

AprilSkies44 Fri 16-Sep-16 22:54:14

my consultant told me at 45 im far from a medical miracle. it could happen for ops friend. but point is its up to her! not the judgement of friends!

HuskyLover1 Fri 16-Sep-16 22:54:43

She's doing it via IVF. Have to say, I still have regular periods at the same age, so imagine I could still get pregnant, but the thought gives me shivers.

CitizenBloom Fri 16-Sep-16 22:54:48

Perhaps she thinks you wasted your twenties and thirties on humdrum childbearing stuff when she was rollicking around the world having fun?

Canyouforgiveher Fri 16-Sep-16 22:56:04

I think the likelihood of having a baby at that age is very small. I wouldn't worry about something that only has a tiny chance of happening.

This completely. As a friend, I wouldn't worry too much about her being a parent at 65 but more how disappointed she might be when she doesn't conceive.

I'm older than you OP and my children are still at home and we are grand - no one needs to be sad for us.

You are too old to have a baby when you can no longer physically have one -Otherwise it is entirely up to the individual - I would have been devastated to have a child at 24 - wouldn't have suited me at all - but loads of women on MN have had babies at that age and were thrilled. I had my last at 37 and loads of women would think that is too old.

MrsJoeyMaynard Fri 16-Sep-16 22:56:39

Realistically, it's unlikely that she'll have a baby anyway at 47.

Couchpotato3 Fri 16-Sep-16 22:56:40

Maybe she's done the exotic holidays thing, and wants to have one last try for a family. Her chances of succeeding are very very small, but it would be amazingly brilliant for her if it did work out, because that is what she wants. It's her life, and her choice - why on earth would you feel sad for her? Not everyone wants the same things - I'm close to your age, and I couldn't give a fuck if I never went on holiday ever again. If anyone felt sorry for me, I'd laugh at them - my life is bloody amazing, even if my priorities are not what a lot of people would choose.

AprilSkies44 Fri 16-Sep-16 22:56:57

ffs. just leave her to it. why judge?

Gallopingthundercunt Fri 16-Sep-16 22:58:26

And in any case, there's plenty of children born to feckless, uncaring parents of a "more suitable" age.

Surely it's better for a child to be loved by its parents for twenty years than dismissed and disregarded for fifty years?

HuskyLover1 Fri 16-Sep-16 23:00:31

I hope I'm not judging. I am just struggling to understand why any woman would want to embark on this at 47. She already has one healthy child.

Champagneformyrealfriends Fri 16-Sep-16 23:01:00

I do agree with you op. If she does conceive her child runs the risk of losing its parents at a young age. It's not just her life, it's the potential child's too and people often forget that.

SueTrinder Fri 16-Sep-16 23:02:18

You must have had your kids young head tilt. It's her business, there is no perfect age to have a child so support her whatever happens.

RubbleBubble00 Fri 16-Sep-16 23:03:25

Some people dont realise they really want kids until it's too late. Hopefully your friend will be lucky.

Cheby Fri 16-Sep-16 23:04:39

You don't need to understand it really. Just be supportive to your friend whether successful or not.

How old is the other child? I would find the desire for a sibling fairly understandable if her eldest was, say, under 10 or so.

I have a relative who just successfully had her first child at 44 through IVF. She is fit and well and a wonderful mother.

hoddtastic Fri 16-Sep-16 23:05:25

maybe she doesn't want her child now to be an only?

I am mid 40's. Have been 'done' for a long time kids wise- recently there's been what I can only assume is some sort of biological freak show happening that is making me think 'if I don't try now that's it'

I absolutely don't want any more kids, maybe she's been trying for years to get pregnant and has finally decided to go for it with IVF? Who knows, it isn't your job to do anything beyond supporting your grown up friend in this.

My sons friends' dad died recently aged 36- who could've predicted that eh?

LyndaNotLinda Fri 16-Sep-16 23:06:53

Champagne - most women in the UK die when they're 89 and men when they're 86.

DancingDinosaur Fri 16-Sep-16 23:07:00

Its up to her really. I don't think its too old necessarily.

Janus Fri 16-Sep-16 23:07:34

I did all my wild times early on. I travelled from about 23-29 and I certainly had my wild times and fun which you, travelling as a married 40 something won't have!!!
I didn't meet my dh until I was 27, we started having children when I was 30, last one when I was nearly 41. Part of me wishes I had met him earlier but I absolutely know I wouldn't have been ready!
I assume your friend is similar, she has probably lives her life for the wild times and now wants the 'norm'. I sincerely hope it works but please support her if it doesn't as she will be so upset too.
You sound like a good friend who is just worried so be there whatever happens.

Pandaponda Fri 16-Sep-16 23:09:37

I'm sure if your friend has done even a small amount of research she will be aware that her chances of conceiving naturally are vanishingly small. That might change though if she used donor eggs? ( not an expert). Think it's important to listen and support her without letting issues such as how old she could be when her kid turns 18, get in the way. Is adoption an option (again no idea if there is an age limit). This sounds like something that matters to her and with the challenges ahead - and the very small chance of success with a natural conception she will need a friend along the way. You sound like you care about her.

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