Should I ditch my therapist?

(6 Posts)
star1980 Fri 16-Sep-16 11:51:38

First time posting in AIBU and just looking for some outside perspective.

I've been ttc for 2 years and have just started seeing a therapist who specialises in infertility. At my first session we talked about what I want to get out of counselling which is mostly to find a way to deal what's happening to me, but still go out into the world and see people and not lose my friends after all of this, because I've increasingly been isolating myself particularly from pregnant friends (which is most of them). So far so good.

My second session was this week and we talked about a wedding I'd been to of a very close friend (of 16 years) where I'd felt quite sad and a little excluded by the bride. Essentially, I wasn't included in any of the official photographs whilst lots of people were included who I think are much less close to the bride than I am. Because of how I'm feeling now anyway, this hit me quite hard - the realisation that I'm perhaps not as important a friend to her as she is to me - I felt quite low for a few hours at the wedding, cried a bit in the toilets, talked to my partner, snapped out of it and went on to have a lovely time and the bride and groom were none the wiser.

So, I tell my therapist about this, but say that I was probably more sensitive to it because of other things and I'm sure there was no particular reason why she wouldn't want me in her photographs. And out of nowhere, the therapist asks me whether the bride is white and if it was a wedding that was mainly white people and I was the only black person and am I therefore feeling additional feelings of isolation due to my ethnicity. I am black, the therapist is white. So I said yes I was one of a handful of non-white guests, but it hadn't occurred to me that race would have played a part in what happened and I'm sure that it didn't. So she eventually accepts this and says maybe she shouldn't have asked but she was just trying to understand the context. We move on.

But now I feel quite uncomfortable, partly because she's put into my head the idea that one of my oldest friends might deliberately not have wanted me in her wedding photos. But more than that, I am starting to wonder whether she googled me or something to see what my friendship circle is like. Or she's looking at me and making assumptions about me based on race that have nothing to do with what I actually go to see her about.

I'm thinking of stopping seeing her, but am I being silly? Should I tell her the truth if I do stop? Just interested in your opinions.

LetLoveWin Fri 16-Sep-16 12:07:09

Therapy will always have uncomfortable moments. Sometimes this can be due to a dodgy practitioner but assuming that is not the case (are they properly trained, qualified & experienced?) it is often a reflection of our own issues, projected on to the therapist. It is very very normal to either 'hate' or 'love' your therapist (sometimes simultaneously!). I would suggest raising it with her at the next session and try to explain why this was difficult for you?

Mysterycat23 Fri 16-Sep-16 13:24:40

OP that's appaling and shocking. She definitely didn't Google you. She did however act a bit of an ignorant idiot. She might just have had a momentary lapse, rather than it being a sign that she's incompetent. Might be worth giving her a chance and continuing with her, if apart from that comment you are finding the sessions helpful. Trust your own instincts though, a crap therapist can make people much worse than no therapist iyswim.

balletcats Fri 16-Sep-16 13:29:03

I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all.

Hockeydude Fri 16-Sep-16 13:46:14

I'd no longer trust her after that sort of wild allegation against a person she's never even met. You are already thinking of stopping seeing her so I think you should trust your instincts here. Oh and I'd just say "it doesn't work for me" rather than expanding.

Plus you can get therapy on here. Start threads about your feelings/things bothering you and hopefully people having/had similar experiences will help you. And it will be cheaper than therapy!

star1980 Sat 17-Sep-16 22:59:02

Thanks so much for your replies. I think it's best if I end it as I don't feel comfortable with her anymore. I do think I need some real-life therapy though, even though mumsnet has been great I need a bigger kick to stop me wallowing!

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