Are you having another one?

(7 Posts)
morewashing Thu 15-Sep-16 11:27:35

I have one DC and get asked quiet a lot by others (colleagues/strangers) if I am planning on having any more children.

AIBU to find this a really personal and awkward question? I was asked it again this morning by a well-meaning shop assistant, and it really stumps me.
I would love to have another child but the problem is currently that, a) I am recently single from a bad relationship, b) I am the wrong side of 30 so pushing it age wise, and c) I have fertility issues anyway, it took ages to conceive dc.
These things also make me feel a bit sad and I don't want to talk about it/be reminded.

Even if none of the above were true, is it still not a really intrusive question? Does one reply with 'oh yes we are trying, me and OH are at it every night but no joy as yet, we'll let you know when the result is positive'

I am probably not wording this very well, and maybe I am being over sensitive, but just felt the need to vent.

Oysterbabe Thu 15-Sep-16 11:33:05

People say all kind of nonsense when making small talk. They soon realise how rude their question is if you answer along the lines of:
"I don't think so as my partner left me."
"Actually I've been trying and think I may have secondary infertility"
"Well this one was a big mistake and I suffered terrible PND so probably not"

abbinobb Thu 15-Sep-16 11:36:55

I just say I don't know. They're not trying to be rude and to be honest they probably don't even care just making conversation so I feel so need to be honest with my answer but also no need to be rude.

thatstoast Thu 15-Sep-16 11:41:27

Ds is a similar age. Since he turned 2 I think I've been asked, on average, once a week if I'm having another one. I asked DH if people were so interested in his plans. Apparently his Dad had asked him once if we're planning on having another.

At the moment i'm at a 'don't know but leaning towards no' stage so I just tell people I'm not sure at the moment then move the conversation on, if possible.

Pikawhoo Thu 15-Sep-16 11:42:10

YANBU, this is just as upsetting a question as 'when are you having children?' (which is often unwittingly directed at people who've suffered terrible losses or long-term infertility!)

I'm in a very similar situation to you in being single and in my mid-thirties, but I'm kind of ok about not having another child so I'm not too sensitive about it. I do get all teary when people talk about "your husband" and assume I have somebody at home who helps or whatever, though.

skyyequake Thu 15-Sep-16 11:43:15

Some people are being intrusive etc, others are just making conversation

Reply with "I'm happy with just this one" and if you get a "ah fair enough" then they're just making conversation

If you get a "but your DC will be loooonely" or anything which passes judgement on your decision then feel free to be as rude as you like

My DD is 14 months and I'm 99% sure I won't want any more (despite being "young enough" to have time to make a whole football team if I wanted) I just tend to say "Nope, don't think so, this one's more than enough for me" with a big grin and so far people have shut up after that grin

Mynestisfullofempty Thu 15-Sep-16 12:02:48

OP I think it's far too personal a question for someone you don't even know, such as the shop assistant to ask. Surely you stick to non-personal subjects if you're just making light conversation in passing.

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