I know a lot of people won't relate to this and perhaps think this is a first world problem in the extreme, but please hear me out.
Purely for context, DH is a CEO and well off and is desperate for me to hire a full time nanny because apparently I can't cope - evidenced by lack of organised household 6 weeks post partum. He is annoyed that he came home late tonight (well 8pm) and there wasn't any dinner and things were untidy.
in my defence, I was getting eldest to bed and then new baby - instead of sleeping - wanted to feed constantly (growth spurt?). Figured at worst we could order a takeaway or he could throw us both a pasta together (I'm hungry too!)
No, not good enough - with his job pressure, he 'needs' to have things run smoothly at home and 'if I can't cope' i can get a full time nanny/mother's help.
But I don't want to. I know this crazy stage will pass. I want to look after my children myself and breastfeed the baby on demand (she's my last baby). Suddenly, though, he's telling me that none of his peers have this problem. Their wives either have decent 'help' or they 'manage things themselves' - the implication being that I am not managing.
When i later made a small comment about how poor DD had been largely ignored today (ferried around in pram on a million errands between feeds) he looked irked and said 'well that's not good'. I should be paying someone if I can't give her adequate attention, I should be taking her to groups, he said (I've actually signed up to one starting end of the month, but I didn't want to commit to anything sooner, before I found a sort of rhythm, which clearly I haven't yet).
I just feel like shit, honestly. As if it wasn't bad enough feeling fat and milky and unqualified (gave up successful job for babies) and tired; im apparently a rubbish wife and mother, too. And I suppose it has hit a nerve because I do feel inadequate anyway. where do all the hours go? Why am I finding it this hard? Why do I always feel like I'm rushing to get a million things done?
AIBU?
To feel so inadequate
NotAFanOfCupcakes · 14/09/2016 00:43
Give your DH a 
, thirded that you're doing a great job and that he's an arse.
If he's desperate to throw money at a "problem", how about a cleaner? Means you can focus more on your babies and not worry/have to do the tedious shit like hoovering/cleaning the bathroom/washing up. I got one when I had a lodger (he was a scruffy tw@t and I refused to clean up after another adult) and she is a godsend.
I'm expecting DD1 soon and I know my cleaner will be worth every penny and more, especially if I need a C-section, DH means well but his cleaning standards are not quite on the same level as mine!
He is a tit with no understanding of the realities of looking after two small children. That said, take him up on his offer to throw money at his own comfort and get a cook, a cleaner and/or a housekeeper to do everything else while you enjoy your children.
He gets fed in a clean house and you make the most of the time with your lovely babies while they are small.
Oh, and when he decides he wants sex, give him the number of an escort agency, and sweetly point out that since you were so crap at everything else, you thought he would just hire a vagina too... 
Embarrassed to say now that we do have a cleaner (who does laundry and irons 
)
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