Year 8 obsession with phone

(26 Posts)
Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Sep-16 05:46:06

Our DS has just gone into year 8 and is totally obsessed with his phone & iPad to the inclusion of all else. I have a no devices at table rule and no devices in bedrooms rule when they go to bed (make him plug it in downstairs) and I ask him not to go on it at other times from time to time and he goes berserk he's like an addict. Recently almost every waking moment he's on it has almost disengaged from us and family life. I understand his friends are becoming more important in his life. I would rather he saw them more socially than this obsession. What drives me mad is if we ask him to say feed the dog he tries to do it with one hand and drops dog food or his water on floor as insists on his phone in other hand or if he goes upstairs to get dressed or to the toilet or anything the phone goes with him he forgets what he's doing looses all sense of time and perspective and everything takes double the time. Any suggestions. I can't turn data off as he has it all the time. All I can do is hide his devices or get him to come to some agreement the latter unlikely at the minute.

e1y1 Tue 13-Sep-16 05:56:13

Mobile device addiction is becoming a very real and recognised thing.

Steve Jobs actually BANNED his own children from the iPad and iPhone. He said children younger than 10 that are exposed to new technologies become dependent on them as they haven't know an existence without them.

Over 10, he limited his children to 30 minutes ipad and 2 hours iphone time daily.

e1y1 Tue 13-Sep-16 05:58:19

Sorry, no suggestions as to what to do, haven't reached that age yet, but will depsair when it's here.

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Sep-16 06:10:29

Thanks really need to clamp down on it and blooming typical dad away for next three nights. He travels to school 20 odd miles away or I would take it off him completely I am so sick of him and his couldt give a xxxx attitude at the moment. He lost his school timetable on day 2 and his shin pads on day three of new term. We don't think he's made a proper effort or is bothered about either sowe made him pay for replacement shin pads ( really because of his attitude) and I threatened told him last night if he doesn't come home with a new planner or a photograph of someone's planner he can print off by 5pm tonight I will contact his head of year for an informal chat about his attitude at school as I imagine his school work and all else is also taking low priority. Although he's at a grammar so doubt they would tolerate that.

walruswhiskers Tue 13-Sep-16 06:29:07

There's an app you can install which is controlled from a parents phone. It automatically locks the phone after a set time which you decide - so if the child uses all their time before tea, phone is inaccessible afterwards. The child can earn more time by eg being helpful, doing jobs etc but again, that's controlled by the adult. Would this help? I don't know what it is called tho, sorry.

wannabestressfree Tue 13-Sep-16 06:37:05

It's a phase and it will pass. I teach and my youngest of three boys is the same age - he is also a 'sitter on the Loo with phone'.
You have my sympathies. To be fair all three gwap at their screens for varying amounts of time smile

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Sep-16 07:04:54

Yes walrus whiskers that would help. I have always been fairly strict with him and would only ever allow him a short lengths of time on his iPad before I took it off him and we did something else. But over the summer and this last week things have got worse if we try and talk to him about his day or anything now he goes mad saying he doesn't want to spend any time with us at all and doesn't want to talk to us he said the same on holiday this year at 12!!! I love my children to bits and accept they are growing up and will move away from us but I am finding this quite hurtful and worried where things are heading or is this normal at the age of 12. Some of his friends are from fragmented families or parents have remarried with younger kids or new boyfriends and they are given money for McDonald's instead of tea or Sunday lunch and buy something at the newsagents for breakfast etc. Or go uptown or to cinema so mum can entertain new boyfriend or play happy families with toddler to new boyfriend. Sadly think DS is wanting to be more like these kids who I feel sorry for as this is normal among his new friends. I find it quite sad.

JeSuisUnChocoholic Tue 13-Sep-16 07:05:24

walruswhiskers Is there really an app like that on iOS? Apple would never allow an app to control access to their devices. It might exist on Android tho.

00100001 Tue 13-Sep-16 07:07:36

Just take it away from him when jes at home?

walruswhiskers Tue 13-Sep-16 07:12:46

Yup - friends are an all Apple family and they have it for their kids. We threaten ours with it periodically when they are starting to struggle with self regulation (ours are 13 and 11) but haven't had to install yet.

walruswhiskers Tue 13-Sep-16 07:13:44

We do also periodically change the password on the iPad so they have to ask to have it unlocked. Harder with phones cos used away from home.

thekingfisher Tue 13-Sep-16 07:16:02

Look at ourpact app for iOS as well as android - you can control the device timings and acceas and may be what you need to regain a bit of control

Summerholsdoingmyheadin Tue 13-Sep-16 07:16:38

My son was addicted to his phone and tablet last year when he was in year 7. He was constantly playing games on them in an attempt to get to higher levels than his classmates.
In the bed we restricted him to one full charge per day in each device. A full charge on an iPhone doesn't last more than a few hours when playing games so if he wants charge for other things (texts etc) then he has to ration his use of the devices.
It worked a treat (after much tantrumming about the unfairness of the rule) and he now uses his devices more sensibly.

OutToGetYou Tue 13-Sep-16 07:18:21

You can get a router where you can set access times for different devices, ours does that. I have dss devices go off at 10.30, he's 15, but it doesn't go off for us.

It might be a "phase" but it's a long one if so! Dss been like it since age 10 and I can't see it stopping into his late teens.

Summerholsdoingmyheadin Tue 13-Sep-16 07:19:07

To add: when my son was at his worst he said he wasn't bothered about real life and much preferred the virtual world and that playing his games was the only thing that made him happy. He has snapped out of it now and is a bit more normal (if a year 8 boy can ever be considered normal).

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Sep-16 07:30:04

Thanks all I will get hubbie to look at those apps. Hubbie is tech savvy I am not. Unfortunately hubbie has chargers all over house as we have a few phones and devices as a family. It's various games for levels as well as Instagram direct messaging chats and snap chat.

Buggeritimgettingup Tue 13-Sep-16 07:31:21

Id give him a warning that u ntil he can be responsible i will Turn the data off or just get him a basic mobile so he can still contact you.

Itsmine Tue 13-Sep-16 09:09:38

Tbh after years of negotiating with 3 now older dc, trying incentives 'wash up then you can have your phone' etc etc, nothing worked.

The only thing, sadly that did is what pp said, be brutal and take it off him for howevere long you want if he doesn't follow very acceptable usage times.

Get some ear phones and a bit of music to drown out the ensuing dramas and tantrums.

Honestly, I'm sure lots of posters will say it's too harsh and they need to learn, but the only thing that has worked for us is marching into their room removing said device, hiding and returning when all chores/acceptable socialising with family is done.

Once they get to ooh, 16? I relax my confiscating a bit

Brighteyes27 Tue 13-Sep-16 14:54:04

It's mine thanks I did that with various devices when he was younger but that's my plan tonight. Youngest has football training so if he doesn't comply his phone, iPad and family device will be going to football training.

BusyBeez99 Tue 13-Sep-16 16:33:10

I've installed OurPact on my sons iPad. Works a treat.

maninawomansworld01 Wed 14-Sep-16 00:43:45

Echoing what itsmine said, just take them off him .
If he plays up he looses them for longer. When he gets them back put rules in place, if he doesn't follow rules he looses them again.

He's in year 8, you are an adult. Take control fgs or heaven help you when he's 16 or 17!

maninawomansworld01 Wed 14-Sep-16 00:44:52

Don't piss around with apps and negotiations - just lay down the rules and make him follow them.

RTKangaMummy Wed 14-Sep-16 01:24:25

Buy a basic phone without Internet to give him if he kicks up a fuss and so put his SIM card in it on pay and go so he still can be contacted etc

Good idea about one charge per day

Take him off contract and so pay and go so you control how much he has credit

Get a small safe or lockable box to lock his things in so you can limit his time on them

Put all charger leads away so he just has one charge a day

Make the router restrict times available to him for wifi is my favourite option

1sttimedaddy83 Wed 14-Sep-16 01:27:30

I use my devices a lot due to anxiety but that's in public could that be a cause? Or maybe he is been bullied on line? Or maybe he just like playing games and talking to his mates.

Tworingsandamicrowave Wed 14-Sep-16 01:34:12

What Buggerit said.

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