To ask how the fuck anyone with a baby gets anything done?(92 Posts)
DS is 7.5 months. He is a lovely little boy, I'm on maternity leave so home during the day, we usually get out to a busy babies/rhyme time most days.
My house is a complete tip. I can put him in the jumperoo for all of five minutes before he's crying. I put him down with toys, turn my back to him to do something and he's crying. He naps for just about long enough for me to eat something once a day and he's crying and takes hours to go to back to sleep. I have a mountain of admin and cleaning that I NEED to do, (the admin more than the cleaning). DH works long hours and needs to be carefully instructed in what housework to do, because he's apparently fucking incapable of seeing what needs doing.
I am at the end of my fucking tether.
How do people get shit done?
I'm in the same boat. I don't get anything done Tbh. A Sling helps and getting him to finally nap at home gives me the odd hour.
It all depends on the kind of baby you have.
Some people get chilled babies who sleep in their cot for 3+ hours a day and will happily entertain themselves with a saucepan and spoon. They will
smugly tell you they wrote a PhD thesis and started a business in their mat leave.
Others get more, erm, demanding babies who don't sleep, need a lot of entertaining and are grumpy a fair bit (these things tend to go together in babies). These are your people
If you get one of the latter then your time to get things done is after they are in bed. And pray they don't wake up.
A sling helped me no end. I got some basics done. Then employed a cleaner for 2 hours a week to help keep on top of stuff.
Give baby to your 'd'h for a few hours at a time to give you a break? Maybe Sat morning or something?
But of course if he can hold a job down, he can do housework. He just thinks its your work, not his.
A sling, and a lowering of standards helped me
not that they were particularly high in the first place
A sling - a proper one you can put on your back.
Reading your post, it seems I'm very lucky, I seem to have time to at least do some general tidying and cooking. My DP does the hoovering and recycling at weekends. He works quite far, so he's not at home from 7am to after 7pm usually.
DS is only 2 months, though, so I guess this could change. When he's awake, I do tummy time with him or sit him in his bouncer and wave rattles at him, which he loves. Sometimes, I leave him in the chair with music playing whilst I do dishes or the laundry. If he has problems sleeping, I find that holding him and gently rocking him works, and swaddling. I'm a big fan of swaddling, it comes him right down. Also, he loves gro bags / sleeping bags, I guess cos they have the same effect. If you haven't tried those, I definitely recommend them.
catsick sadly he's over 20 pounds and while the sling is useful for shopping ect, bending/moving to clean things is painful!
I remember it well OP, I got nothing done. I remember trying to cook with DS in a sling (dangerous!). I couldn't turn by back for a second without him kicking up a stink, and as for naps - huh, what naps? I think it was just his personality as he still craves attention and reassurance many years later. And I had a smug friend who always seemed to insinuate that it was my fault as her two ds were little paragons.
We're not friends any more.
We have a cleaner for 3 hours a fortnight so other than whip a duster round if it needs it I don't really do that much "housework"
DH and I split the rest of the chores 50/50. He does laundry. I do food shopping (online of course!) and cooking. I'm on maternity leave so I tidy up kitchen / stack & unload dishwasher when I can. I'll also pitch in on laundry IF I have time.
I try not to get bogged down in it all. I really don't care about toys being left out. I used to but not now!
Mine was fine to put down until 6 months and my house was somewhat tidy. Now I have a clingy monster. The only way I have a minute to myself is to stick on Peppa sodding Pig and direct the tv towards the play pen. Unfortunately, bastarding Peppa has become the distraction to everything now. Changing clothes/nappies, feeding time, 'please just let mummy go for a wee'....
My partner will do some basic housework, but also doesn't see obvious things that need doing (oh, you didn't see the large pile of DVDs your spawn has thrown everywhere? That's fine, I only nearly broke my neck slipping on them).
You could consider one of those playpen things - is it admin you can do on the move on your phone? I used to go out for long walks typing emails all the way whilst they were in their buggy. Otherwise it had to be Saturday morning one look after baby and one sort out the admin
As others have said, it all depends on the type of baby you have. Some babies are happy to entertain themselves, and they nap during the day
I have one of these, sorry
Can you and your OH blitz the house in the evenings when the baby is asleep? Could you maybe afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week?
How long is his nap?
I second the sling on your back idea - I am pretty small, but carried my DC on my back until around 18 months. You get used to the weight as they gradually grow, but also it's much more spread out on your back than your front, plus they are completely out of your way for tasks, yet still content because they are close to you.
CBeebies. Anyone who doesn't use tv as a babysitter is a martyr who deserves to be sainted and revered and worshipped as a goddess blah blah blah.
The rest of us live in messy homes with kids who have great immune systems ;)
It got a bit easier when he started crawling. He entertains himself for longer now that he's one, so I can sometimes cook a meal or hang out laundry. I also started handing him over to DP for about an hour every evening so I could cook dinner, load the washing machine, etc etc.
That, and I lowered my standards.
My DD was like this, I could never leave her.
I've just had DS and he'll nap in his bassinet for hours. So those people who get stuff done probably has chilled babies like DS. Or cleaners.
I feel your pain, op. All I can suggest is having another one in swift succession as we did (13 month age gap!!) because, while the initial few years of having two are pure hell, it's gravy after that because they entertain each other
Admittedly this does mean committing to the early hell years.....
It will pass. Honestly.
Yep, sling on my back.
I still use a bigger version sometimes if DD (4yo, somewhere around 40 pounds) is being particularly clingy when I'm trying to cook / clean the kitchen / hoover / whatever.
And lower your standards My house used to be a complete shit tip when Dd was smaller. I used to put a load of laundry on every day, chucked some bleach down the toilet and that was about as far as my "cleaning" went mon-fri. I would use Saturday's when DH was home to do the rest, or get him to do it.
It will pass though!
It's a lot easier now Dd is older and walking (16 months). I get her involved and it becomes a game! (Mary Poppins eat your heart out ). She likes to help put things in the washing machine/take stuff out, I bought her a toy Hoover which she follows me around with when I Hoover, and I give her a dry cloth when I'm dusting/cleaning windows and she "helps". Nowadays I get actual cleaning done, so my house is no longer a potential health hazard like it used to be, but tidying away of toys and general crap/putting clean laundry away etc waits until the evenings when Dd is in bed. I also refuse to do more than one load of washing dishes a day. I let it pile up in the bowl/on the side, and either me or DH does it after dinner, depending on who has cooked.
Totally depends on the baby (and to an extent whether you can just put up with the crying if you put him down ) - I was incredibly lucky - DS had two long (2 hours+) naps per day, slept 7pm - 7am and was happy to be left alone in his playpen. He didn't particularly like being picked up and cuddled .
Oh yeah....and as a pp said, CBeebies makes the best baby sitter ever!
Mr Tumble guarantees me 15-20 mins of completely undisturbed time. Something about him puts my Dd in a trance and she does not revert her eyes for a second!
Crying isn't pleasant, but if he's just doing it to call your sttention back to him, see if you can just ignore it. Talk to him. "Mummy's doing these bills now. Mm hmm. That's nice. Boy, your face is red. Wouldn't you like to play with something instead? I have to work now, all these things need folding."
I had one fairly easy kid who happily played while I got on with chores, and one with a bit of separation anxiety who went nuts if I left the room, but still - they had to work around me. If I wanted to fold laundry then by golly I would fold that laundry, even if I had to narrate every item, turn every sentence into a merry poem, turn every sock into a game.
I admit with my first I initially struggled with the whole concept of doing a task while the baby did something else, but by the time my second came along I've no idea why. I'd merrily whizz round with the hoover, put washes on, tidy and sort things - look, it made me happy! - and the baby could sit with her toys and watch and listen to me narrate the whole deal. House tidy, baby learns I have an existance beyond her reach, everyone happy.
It's really OK to get on with the stuff you need to do. Staring into their magical eyes is nice for a minute or two, but then crack on.
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