To Put My Mother in a Cupboard for the Next 18 Months?

(185 Posts)
plutoisnotaplanet Mon 12-Sep-16 14:16:01

I'm newly engaged. I've been with the bloke for 8 years, it's not news to anyone, everyone is very happy yada yada yada.

My lovely Mum and Dad have money put aside for mine and my sisters wedding and we're extremely grateful for that. They've offered us this lump sum of money for the wedding. The wedding is in 2018 so a while away yet and we're still in the lovely "Yay marriage!" phase of engagement, there's no firm plans other than the date as of yet.

We have been engaged for the grand total of 13 days.

So... Mum turns up at our front door on Sunday morning WITH A CLIPBOARD and an iPad and, having made herself a cup of tea and settled herself in the living room, proceeded to reel off a list of venues she's been "considering" and wants "our input" on... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. hmm

Shocked and (at this point) slightly amused by her excitement we sat down with her and gave opinions on each venue as requested, thinking once she's got over the engagement thing she'll settle down.

She then revealed (like a fucking magic genie) that she'd booked us 4 viewings that day and we were "welcome to come with her" if we wanted to have a look... hmm

DP gave me the "restrain your mother" look, so I said to her we were really grateful she was so willing to help with the plans, but we're not sure if we want a big or small wedding yet and that we need to have a think about it first..

She insisted that was fine but we needed to go and see these venues, so off we all popped in the car and went to view them all.

8 HOURS LATER we return home completely exhausted having somehow lost a whole Sunday on this shit and with DM happily chatting away about the merits of no corkage venues (WTF IS CORKAGE??) and how my cousins wedding was so poorly executed..

When she left, DP and I had a chat and it's very, very clear my Mum is under the impression that she's organising the whole thing.. which she's categorically not. God forbid, I'd end up in a meringue with puff sleeves with cousins I've never met as bridesmaids in a god awful golf club with sticky carpets sad

How on earth do I break it to her that we want to make this wedding personal to us, and as such will be organising it ourselves??

Or alternatively, do I just lock her in a cupboard for 18 months and let her out as a fully fledged MOB, hat at the ready??

I suspect the cupboard may be your best option.

Or eloping.

DartmoorDoughnut Mon 12-Sep-16 14:21:27

Oh wow .... I thought my mother was bad when it can to being a mumzilla at our wedding but I think you 'win' grin

DerekSprechenZeDick Mon 12-Sep-16 14:22:06

Cupboard

grin

Sit her down and explain. She's just excited it seems. Novelty will wear off soon

JulietteL Mon 12-Sep-16 14:22:49

Sit her down, explain how it's going to be and be firm.

Or, if that doesn't work, the cupboard would work.

Seriously, though, their financial contribution may well mean that she sees it as her right to have a big say. If this is a problem for you, you might want to consider funding it yourselves instead?

DartmoorDoughnut Mon 12-Sep-16 14:22:52

Oh and no you can't shut her in a cupboard! You need to start a blog about it all and link to it here so I can follow the hilarity, it's the decent thing to do, hope that helps flowers

wornoutboots Mon 12-Sep-16 14:23:10

elope.
she'll never forgive you, but at least you'd be in control of your own wedding

BorpBorpBorp Mon 12-Sep-16 14:25:03

Does she want to come and organise mine? grin I really can't be arsed with it.

ageingrunner Mon 12-Sep-16 14:25:44

You might have to not take the money, unfortunately. Otherwise it seems she'll think that she's paid for the privilege of organising your wedding whether you like it or not

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe Mon 12-Sep-16 14:25:56

I vote for freezer.
I'll calm her enthusiasm.

NorksAreMessy Mon 12-Sep-16 14:27:38

Are you 'Miranda' ?

Such fun!

KindergartenKop Mon 12-Sep-16 14:29:13

Weddings send people mad. Be straight with her!

ImperialBlether Mon 12-Sep-16 14:32:16

Well, corkage is the fee the restaurant or wherever charges just to open bottles you've provided, so it's important she's not charged too much there!

But obviously you need to have a calm word with her and tell her you and he are going to have a long think about what kind of wedding you'll have before you start to plan it.

It sounds like she's waited years for this moment - it is funny really to think of her being so excited. In eighteen months' time she'll be in rehab if she carries on like this, though.

mycatstares Mon 12-Sep-16 14:32:39

She does sound excitedshock! She sounds quite sweet though, with the clipboard at handgrin.

NotAPuffin Mon 12-Sep-16 14:33:54

If the cupboard under the stairs is good enough for Harry Potter, it's good enough for MotherOfTheBridezilla.

RatherBeIndoors Mon 12-Sep-16 14:36:13

It's when she has the headset-mic on and fourteen different caterers on the line at once that you really need to worry...have fun now grin grin

ChaosTrulyReigns Mon 12-Sep-16 14:37:24

You mentioned a sister?

Could she take one for the team?

Get her to have a Wedding Of The Century, then you have what the feck you want for yours as your mom will be Wedding Weary after the Extravaganza.

takesnoprisoners Mon 12-Sep-16 14:38:00

Is she paying for the wedding?

plutoisnotaplanet Mon 12-Sep-16 14:38:53

Yeah I think the money thing is at the heart of it unfortunately sad She's over excited but I can't help feeling I'd rather get a loan and pay for it that way than deal with MumZilla for another 18 months. She's massively emotionally stunted and struggles with touchy feely stuff.. very career minded before she retired and has since turned retirement into a full time job, so much charity and community stuff it must be exhausting. My parents are comfortably off and Mum has been known to use money to control my sister.. very much "well we gave you this so you owe us this behavior in return" type stuff.. she's never done it to me really but then she's never been able to , I was financially independent at 16.

I'm also the first one to get married, so her first chance to be MOB and potentially her only chance (DBigSis very much not interested grin). I don't know whther this is just over excitement or whether she's getting her controllyness out... argh!

My favorite phrases of the whole day were:

"there will have to be some rivalry between me and MIL for best outfit!" hmm... yep, just the bride over here Ma... no biggy.

"You're on a diet for the wedding! You can't eat bread!" when I had a quick sandwich on our way to venue #3...

Oh God. I'm doomed sad

CJCreggsGoldfish Mon 12-Sep-16 14:42:07

Could you channel her enthusiasm to your advantage? Get her looking at the things that bore the crap out of you (or that you just don't care about) whilst you get on with the more enjoyable aspects.

If that doesn't work, then the cupboard it is!

plutoisnotaplanet Mon 12-Sep-16 14:42:20

I just made her sound vile.. she's not, she's lovely! blush

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome Mon 12-Sep-16 14:43:22

Employ a wedding planner. Best thing I ever did

SlimCheesy2 Mon 12-Sep-16 14:44:12

I second a pp who said let her loose and write a blog.

plutoisnotaplanet Mon 12-Sep-16 14:44:13

takesnoprisoners yes, she's paying for the wedding. There's been a savings account for this very purpose since my birth apparently hmm

My sister has one too, when she found out about it her reaction was "there's £10k sitting in a bank account for me somewhere?? AWESOME. Mum can I have it for a new car??" grin

SabineUndine Mon 12-Sep-16 14:44:36

I'd say she's staking her territory. You need to make it clear it's YOUR territory, not hers.

If I were you and your OH, I'd also make some key decisions RIGHT NOW, and tell your mother what they are. Eg, number of guests, venue. Myself, I'd go for Maui and witnesses only, in the circs!

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