To not insist the hairdresser cut DD hair?

(69 Posts)
sananbaz Sun 11-Sep-16 15:14:30

My DD is 6 and since she was able to make her opinion known, she has refused to wear any stereotypical girly clothes. She won't wear dresses, skirts, tights, leggings, anything fluffy or frilly. I have never had a problem with this and support her wearing whatever she wants (including dressing as a prince at a princess birthday party!). She routinely gets mistaken for a boy, and this actually makes her happy. Still no issue for any of our family. Her hair is in a short bob, which is manageable and thankfully needs little brushing or maintenance as she hates it.
Now, for at least 2 years she has asked for really short hair, "like a boys". I've always avoided this, as the maintenance of very short hair is usually higher (regular cuts etc) and increases the risk of bed head. I guess there is an element of me worrying what other people would say too, but I'm not proud of that!
So, a few weeks ago, I agreed she could have her hair cut short. I showed her pictures of pixie cuts, and there were quite a few she liked. We went to the hairdressers and explained what she wanted and the reaction was unexpected. The hairdresser told DD she didn't want short hair, that her face was too pretty, that people would think she was a boy. My DD said she still wanted it. The hairdresser looked at her hair and said it was very thick, that it would need washing and that she didn't think she would have time. She then suggested that DD had nits! (which she had to concede she didn't). I got the idea though - she didn't want to do the cut. I agreed she could just do a trim, mainly as I was worried she didn't want to do it because she wasn't confident she could do it well. But after cutting her hair, she kept saying "now, isn't that better than a pixie cut?" and "you didn't really want a pixie cut did you?" - to which my DD confirmed that she still did want the pixie cut and no, this wasn't better!
We've left it at that for the moment, as I'm a bit nervous a different hairdresser may say the same. Only I feel that I've not set a good example to my DD allowing someone else's opinions influence what she ended up looking like. So was I in the wrong not to make the hairdresser do the cut my DD wanted?

(PS please don't flame me - my first AIBU!)

VikingLady Sun 11-Sep-16 15:16:52

She was unprofessional. It's not her choice!

ShiroiKoibito Sun 11-Sep-16 15:17:32

would you have let the hairdresser question it if you asked for a pixie cut?

Aeroflotgirl Sun 11-Sep-16 15:18:00

I would have walked out the moment the hairdresser defied your dd wishes, she is the type of hairdresser of nightmares. Go to a different hairdresser.

Soubriquet Sun 11-Sep-16 15:18:40

Completely unprofessional

If she was refusing to do it, I would have said fine, I'll find a hair dresser who will

wayway13 Sun 11-Sep-16 15:18:57

Your hairdresser is awful! I think you made the wrong call but it was an awkward situation - I'd have probably done the same and kicked myself after. Who does this hairdresser think she is?! You sound like a wonderful and supportive mum. I'd take your daughter elsewhere and get the haircut she wants xx

PeachBellini123 Sun 11-Sep-16 15:21:29

I find the hairdresser's reaction bizarre to be honest. Maybe she though your DD would be upset at the actual cut and she'd have a crying child on her hands?

I think I would have walked out, I don't think you should have forced her. Maybe call some other hairdressers in the area and explain your daughtet wants short hair and would they be comfortable doing a pixie cut?

Wittowoo Sun 11-Sep-16 15:21:40

Could you ring the hairdresser and ask her why she didn't do as you first asked? I think sometimes you can sense their reluctance if they think something won't suit the face. Could this be why? Rather than just ignoring what your daughter wanted?

ChickyDuck Sun 11-Sep-16 15:23:19

Have you thought about taking her to a barber? They might be less reluctant!

proudmummyoftwo Sun 11-Sep-16 15:24:15

Change hairdressers! Ask friends etc for recommendations and get your DD the cut she wants. Who the hell is the hairdresser to decide what haircut your child gets!

LugsTheDog Sun 11-Sep-16 15:24:34

You were put in a difficult spot. I don't think you were wrong for not insisting on the cut. However I don't think you should have paid for the cut you/your DD didn't want. If the hairdresser wouldn't do the cut, fine, but then you take your custom elsewhere. The problem is that the trim was a waste of your money and her time.

Take your DD for a consultation somewhere else.

Willow2016 Sun 11-Sep-16 15:25:22

You should have walked out and said "FIne I will get a hairdresser who doesn't impose their own opions on my child and me"

Go somewhere else and get your daughters hair cut the way she wants it, plenty hairdressers will give her a lovely pixie cut. There is a little girl at our school who is a lot younger than yours and she has a fab pixie cut (nightmare when she had longer hair, she hated it wouldnt allow mum to brush without total meltdown, and chose the cut with her mum) she looks beuatiful.

sananbaz Sun 11-Sep-16 15:29:08

Thank you all. I knew I was being too passive when I agreed to the trim.....and you're right that I should have defended my DD choices and just walked out when she was trying so hard to talk her out of it. I was just so shocked that she wasn't listening properly. I told her DD had been asking consistently for 2 years, and it wasn't just on a whim. Looks like I need to sound out some other local hairdressers!

Welshrainbow Sun 11-Sep-16 15:34:19

You weren't unreasonable for not pushing the issu with the hairdresser but maybe a bit unreasonable for bothering to pay for a trim, especially as you now presumably need to pay again elsewhere to get the cut your daughter wants, I'd ring the salon and speak to the manager, maybe they will offer you a refund as it wasn't what you asked for.

sananbaz Sun 11-Sep-16 15:42:09

The impression I got was that the hairdresser didn't want to do it because DD is a girl, not because it wouldn't suit her. I'm not sure I'd get far with the manager either, because he suggested I get her ears pierced so people wouldn't mistake her for a boy anymore! I told him that it didn't bother me or DD if people thought she was a boy, but I'm not sure he could understand that point of view hmm (plus he was listening while we spoke to the hairdresser and was supporting her opinion - as was the rest of the staff and clientele).

Goingtobeawesome Sun 11-Sep-16 15:44:22

I took my 12 year old DD to have her hair cut. Would have been 6 inches off. Hairdresser was shocked and eventually I got the message that she thought DD might be making a mistake and couldn't have known she really wanted that. I has booked DS in too. I got my children and left and have never been back since. Walked two minutes down the road to another salon where they welcomed us without appointment and cut DS's hair. Didn't do DD as they were too close to shutting and she ended up having it done on holiday.

I wouldn't go back to that salon.

AlpacaPicnic Sun 11-Sep-16 15:45:07

I think it was fine for the hairdresser to ask once if you were sure, and to maybe even find a picture or two (if you didn't have one with you) just to make sure you were both thinking the same thing/picturing the same end result. But she has basically bullied you into having a cut that neither of you wanted.
I wouldn't go back, I'd find somewhere else entirely.

Gizlotsmum Sun 11-Sep-16 15:50:53

Hmm unless she said no because of your daughter's hair type ( not all hair will hold all styles so for example if she has a natural wave to it etc) then she was being unreasonable. Maybe she has had issues in the past with short cuts being met with horror.

OnlyHereForTheCamping Sun 11-Sep-16 15:54:08

The women in my hairdressers where horrified when my dd aged 10 wanted a pixie cut. She didn't want to look like a boy she just fancied it. My hair dresser gave her a lovely cut. She has grown it out now as she was sick of folk starring at her.

damngirl Sun 11-Sep-16 15:56:30

I'd have said "I'd appreciate it if you could do the cut that my daughter wants rather than keep telling us about your own style preferences".

cdtaylornats Sun 11-Sep-16 15:57:15

If she wants a boys cut take her to a barber shop. It'll be a third of the price and infinitely less drama.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery Sun 11-Sep-16 15:58:42

I'm an adult and I had a hairdresser do this to me! 30 years old and being told nope, I wont cut your hair how you want.

i wanted my butt length hair cut up to my shoulders and she refused to do anything other than a trim.

I walked out. Haven't gone back and told the manager why.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 11-Sep-16 16:01:31

Your only unreasonable behaviour was to stay in the hairdresser's after she basically refused to give the customer what she wanted!
I think I would have said to her "ok, well clearly you can't do the cut my DD would like, so we'll go elsewhere and find someone who can" and left.

You've let your DD down a bit there, I'm afraid sad but you can rectify your position in her eyes by finding a hairdresser who will do the cut she wants, or, if it genuinely IS a problem with her hair type, at least explain properly why it wouldn't work, instead of all this "you don't want to look like a boy" bollocks.

Tallulahoola Sun 11-Sep-16 16:06:26

Your hairdresser was totally out of order!

Pixie cuts on girls can look lovely. I remember seeing pictures of Kate Moss's wedding day and noticing one of her bridesmaids, a little girl with a pixie cut. All the others have long hair and she just stands out as looking so lovely. If DD didn't have really fine hair (like mine, a total nightmare) I would love her to get it cut like that.

sananbaz Sun 11-Sep-16 16:10:03

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to others, although you all sound like you did (or would) deal with it better than I did!
I actually considered going to a barbers but wasn't sure if that would have caused more of a stir (we're evidently in the sticks, where all girls have long pretty hair hmm!).
If there are any hairdressers on here - what sort of hair wouldn't suit a pixie cut? Dd's hair is thick, blond and fairly straight (hangs in a bob with no intervention). Does that sound a good match??

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now