To be concerned about my 18 yr old sister?

(12 Posts)
Noodledoodle123 Sun 11-Sep-16 02:25:45

I'm 23 and my step-sister is 18. She's about to leave for university and she's just confided in me that she met a man on a recent trip to Amsterdam who is 28.

I am very worried. It's not a case of they got on and discussion of age came after. She very obviously looks 18 or younger even so he would have known before he even approached her.

Apparantly he is a 'photographer' who is quite well known in his field and travels constantly. Sounds a load of shit (pardon my language) to me but I suppose it could be true.

She is going to start uni soon and has decided to invite him to stay!!! In her halls. She barely knows him. She says she has told her mum but I assume she does not know the full story as she is not fussed?

I don't think I set a good example as when I was 17 I went out with a man 11 years my senior but he was very emotionally immature and still lived with his parents even so hardly concerning. She's obviously confided in me because she seeks approval or advice as I'm never usually privy to her personal life.

What should I do!? I don't want to push her away but I would feel awful if she was hurt by this. She's very naive- or it could be harmless. I worry she is being manipulated as she's already talking about "love at first sight" sad

squoosh Sun 11-Sep-16 02:38:50

Did you google his name? If he is a well known photographer as you say he will appear there, and his style of photography too.

I think you sound like you're unnecessarily fussing. 18 yr old with 28 yr old is no biggie. Okay she's invited him to stay in her student halls. I've lived in student halls, they're not exactly the most luxe places to live! I'm sure he'll be happy to move on once the weekend is up.

If she does get hurt well it won't be great but it's part of growing up.

LilQueenie Sun 11-Sep-16 02:47:49

explain your own experience and just let her know you are concerned but she has to make her own decisions. Shes an adult.

user1471734618 Sun 11-Sep-16 02:51:52

As she is 18 she is an adult.
Keep an eye of course.

VioletBam Sun 11-Sep-16 03:08:01

Are you joking? She's 18....he's 28....it's not like she's 15 and he's 40!

She's an adult and that age difference is fine!

Onedayinthesun Sun 11-Sep-16 03:13:45

I was very naive at 18, however, met a 36 year old man, fell in total lust and had the best 3 years ever with him!!
YABVU

TheresAJaffaCakeInMyPocket Sun 11-Sep-16 03:16:11

Googling is a good idea.

Like pp said though, all you can do is look out for her.

Puddington Sun 11-Sep-16 03:24:24

I think it's nice of you to be worried she might get hurt, some people do jump in feet-first with these sorts of things (I was probably a bit like that when I was younger too). Either way though she's an adult so I think the best thing you could do is keep communication open, try not to say anything judgemental yet and just let her know you're always there for her so that if things do happen to go tits-up she knows she can confide in you and won't be trapped in anything she doesn't want to be. But fingers crossed he's a normal chap and it'll work out smile

Puddington Sun 11-Sep-16 03:26:11

Oh and yes I would google too, he should at least have a website and portfolio even if he doesn't have any media coverage or whatever. If it's any consolation the halls will probably be quite busy and it's a fairly "public" place so even though she doesn't know him that well it's not the most dangerous place to meet up? If that makes any sense!

trafalgargal Sun 11-Sep-16 03:48:48

I think you are transferring what you were like at 18 ......and she's not you.
Reality is when she realises how good uni social life she may not bother inviting him anyway.......or she may do and he could be the love of her life.

Either way it's none of your business , the fact she's told her Mum about him is a sign she's a confident woman who isn't looking for guidance or permission anyway. The fact you went out with a man with the same age gap would make you sound a complete hypocrite anyway and risk looking a bit jealous of her. I'd leave well alone .

Birdsgottafly Sun 11-Sep-16 07:03:33

It's only a concern if she starts to want to change her plans to be with him, or to travel with him.

It's more than likely that she'll see a completely different way of life whilst living away from home and it'll fizzle out.

There's no more 'risks' as such because he's a bit older. It's the not knowing anything about him, or his background, but him staying in her accomadation gives her a level of protection.

Noodledoodle123 Mon 12-Sep-16 00:33:48

Thanks all. Think after reading your comments I realise it's not the age that bothers me so much as her naivety about personal safety as a woman as she acts much younger than she is.

Have told her I am really happy for her but reminded her to be careful and given her the number of a friend in London in case all goes "tits up" smile

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