AIBU to think I deserve to be listened to?

(7 Posts)
Pumpkin2010 Fri 09-Sep-16 23:07:38

I am currently on maternity leave after having our 3rd baby - who is now 9 months old. I suffered with PND after 2nd baby, which required meds/counselling etc. All has been ok since DD was about 2.

We live in a really small house and we do need to move but financially we can't do this until January next year (earliest) for a variety of reasons. DH is in the position where he works where he can pick and choose his overtime - his basic wage is quite good without overtime anyway. We would not struggle if he didn't work overtime.

Since having 3rd baby, he has worked A LOT. To the point where even DS1 is always making comments about him being in work all the time. DH's reasoning has always been 'we need to save to move' (we have saved some of the OT money, but not all). My wages have always just covered one big bill & even on mat leave this was covered so we've not been feeling much difference tbh (we're lucky I know).

Over the summer holidays he has worked most weekends. Even one week working 12 hour shifts for 7 days (his choice). Even when I've protested - reasoned about spending time with family etc, it falls on deaf ears. (I think he finds it easier to go to work than be home personally - he has commented to this effect too).

These past few weeks I've felt really isolated, with no support from anyone really when he is in work. Being off school & entertaining the 3 kids has been really stressful, I've not had a minute away from them, no time to myself really. Last week I got to the point where I felt really low, feeling anxious/stressed/frustrated. Although DH knew I'd been feeling stressed he'd still continued to do overtime. I was brutally honest & told him how I'd been feeling, thinking if he knew how I was feeling, things would change. I even asked him not to work this weekend.

All I've had in response is his usual excuses/reasons & a 'short term pain for long term gain' hmm

Surely my mental health is more important than money?! I'm not asking for much, just a bit of understanding & support. I wouldn't mind if it was every now and then, but it has been most weekends lately. AIBU?!!

NewIdeasToday Fri 09-Sep-16 23:20:50

Why did you both decide to have a third child?

Pumpkin2010 Fri 09-Sep-16 23:25:08

We both wanted another one but were planning to wait until we had moved. The pregnancy just 'happened', it wasn't planned but then the baby was also 'wanted' IYSWIM?

DoJo Fri 09-Sep-16 23:26:13

Whose shirt term pain is he dismissing with such a glib attitude? Because it sounds like he expects you to bear the pain so he can enjoy the gain. That's not a partnership, that's him using his position as main wage earner to unilaterally decide that you are on duty 24/7 even if that does leave you feeling shit.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 09-Sep-16 23:32:55

YANBU. We had to make some allowances for my mental health, DH did extra chores, child care etc so I could have down time.
The fact of the matter is probably that your house situation can still be workable for a few years worst case so a slight hold back is not going to be a disaster but having a happy and healthy mother is something money cannot buy and would make that situation liveable. If you were get anything like I did in my darkest days then there might be a risk to not having a mother at all and that would not be worth any amount of money.

Pumpkin2010 Sat 10-Sep-16 21:37:01

Thankyou for the responses.

I completely agree and have had it out with him today (again). It seems to have gone in this time (we will see!).

MiddleClassProblem Sat 10-Sep-16 22:41:43

Good luck op x

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