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AIBU?

To not want to go on an activity weekend outside in November 😫

162 replies

Rosewine72 · 09/09/2016 22:26

I know it's selfish but it's my dps auntys 70th she wants to get , kids, grandchildren etc together and do things like absailing, wall climbing, archery, other stuff and stay in dormitories , they provide meals but no cafes or anything! I just don't want to go it's my worst nightmare, I suffer from fibromyalgia and I don't tend to tell people as I feel judged, it's going to be freezing I don't know anyone I'm dreading it, but I've been told I have to go as its one of those things u have to do as its just expected , I suppose he feels obliged! Plus it's driving 3 hours after school to get there sorting out 4 kids plus myself and dp......it's my worst nightmare scream 😤. I know some would love it but 😱 ! .....you'd all just go wouldn't u and not moan 🙁

OP posts:

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Angiefernackerpan · 09/09/2016 23:01

Fuck that, let him go and you stay at home for a nice quiet weekend!

HelenaDove · 09/09/2016 23:06

Youve been told you have to go?! Is he always this controlling?

HelenaDove · 09/09/2016 23:07

And does he always disrespectfully minimize your illness.

wtffgs · 09/09/2016 23:07

FGS it's his Aunty! It's not mandatory that you go. Will he take the kids ? An activity weekend sounds hellish in November unless it's in the Canaries or the Southern Hemisphere Tell DP to "jog on" [geddit, Ed]

Planty18 · 09/09/2016 23:08

I would just say due to health issues you won't be able to join them, but he and the kids would love to come along. It's true.

DoreenLethal · 09/09/2016 23:09

You are an adult and if you dont want to then dont.

Let him take the kids, sort them out whilst you have a lovely weekend free.

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 23:12

Just tell them you can't due to your illness.

HeddaGarbled · 09/09/2016 23:12

God no, no way would I go and I don't have fibromyalgia.

Sparklesilverglitter · 09/09/2016 23:14

Could your dp and DC go? You could stay home have a few days to yourself

JellyBelli · 09/09/2016 23:15

Does your DP understand what the problem is?

Rosewine72 · 09/09/2016 23:32

Yeh I've told him, he thinks it will look really bad if I don't go! I thought you'd all say I was being selfish! But yeh he's basically said I've got to go and he's not going without me, my teenage dd doesn't want to either she says it sounds like a school trip without her friends

OP posts:

JellyBelli · 09/09/2016 23:42

Could you and your DS stay in a hotel one night, have fun together, visit the next day for a few hours and then go home?

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies · 09/09/2016 23:44

If I was coerced into doing even one of those activities it would make my fibro bad for a long while after...weeks, possibly months. Then I wouldn't be able to do any of the usual family/household stuff .....my DP would have to do it all, for as long as it takes!

Fibro is rotten for you.

Oh and by the way, you don't have to do anything he says. You are an adult, you can make your own decisions. If he expects you to respect him, then he should do the same for you.
Don't let him guilt trip you into going. Him saying 'if you don't go then neither is he' is playground stuff - how old is he fgs?

I would ring the aunt, explain briefly why you're not going, and that your 'd'p will let her know his arrangements himself.

Rosewine72 · 09/09/2016 23:48

I don't know I think he'd think that would look awful too one of his uncles is going who has Parkinson's, that's why everyone is surprised it's going ahead, obviously he won't be doing any of the activities , maybe he's just happy to watch or read or something I don't know , but dp doesn't want to go with 4 kids it would prob be a nightmare and his mum too .

OP posts:

wonderwoo · 09/09/2016 23:52

So he is happy for you to be in pain and suffer worse symptoms because he thinks it will "look bad" otherwise. Nice. Who cares what it looks like! Make your apologies, say you cannot go for health reasons (no need to give details. If they are rude enough to ask for details just say it's personal).

It may be his aunty's cup of tea, but it's a big ask for people who don't share the same interests, so I would probably support my dd in not going too. But I would say it's more of a grey area. Maybe you could arrange to take the aunty out to dinner or have a day out another time to celebrate?

I don't like your DP attitude to be honest. He should be looking out for you. I would tell him that if he's not going without me, then he's not going! No one orders me about like that, especially not if its something that will make me ill and that someone who is supposed to love me.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/09/2016 23:59

Let them know about your condition and go and sit out like uncle whatsit. You might do a bit of archery or something just to show willing but otherwise be bag minder. Also pack snacks just in case, nutrigrain, biscuits, emergency chocolate just in case. They'll forgive you if you have a tub of celebrations, surely?

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies · 10/09/2016 00:09

Middle The thing with fibro is that it changes hour by hour, day by day, so the OP has no idea of knowing how she's going to feel until the day. And to be honest, why on earth should op go sit outside in the freezing cold, for god knows how long just to 'show willing' and be a 'bag minder'. Fibro muscles are permanently on the edge of cramp/locking up tight, it's tortuous. Being out in the cold only makes it worse.

If the uncle with Parkinsons is going, then it's his choice, you cannot compare the two conditions.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/09/2016 00:15

Forgive me but I only know the outline of the condition. I didn't mean she had to sign up in advance but see how she felt. Are the meals provided by accommodation or the family?

BackforGood · 10/09/2016 00:15

Why not go and join in the social side, but explain (when replying to the invitation) that you won't be able to take part in the activities, you'll just stay in the centre and read, or go for a stroll or whatever.
It'll be a lovely experience for your dc to do all this stuff as part of the wider family.

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies · 10/09/2016 00:22

Middle I know it's a difficult condition to understand, and if I came across a bit terse, then I apologise.

but really the op knows her own body the best, and her dp should listen to her and support her, not be made to feel guilty that she has this. No one chooses to be ill.

MiddleClassProblem · 10/09/2016 00:28

I'm definitely not saying it's ok for her to be guilted into it but just trying to find extra options. To me the OP has made it sound like she doesn't want to go more than the fibro stoping her so that's what I was going on. As pp said, maybe she could go for the social side (sneak off to a spa whilst they go climbing)

ErrolTheDragon · 10/09/2016 00:43

I somehow can't imagine an aunty who wants to celebrate her 70th this way thinking much of your DPs attitude.

Can you call her and explain you've got a medical problem (don't go into details, other people usually would rather not know) but he doesn't seem sure if he can manage the kids ... Perhaps she'll buck him up.

And your teenager can stay and keep you company if she really doesn't want to go.

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sashh · 10/09/2016 05:34

OMG.

I have arthritis, and the thought of that - well my joints are doing a sort of sympathy seize.

As pp said, maybe she could go for the social side (sneak off to a spa whilst they go climbing)

Er, not with fibro.

Knittinglikemad · 10/09/2016 06:18

I made the mistake of going to an outward bound weekend the school ran ( back in October 2002, Scottish highlands) & had 3 younger DC's at the time (12, 10 & 8) plus now ExH, well hellish was an understatement, cold, wet & I also suffer from fibro & ex's attitude similar to your DH (didn't give a damn) it took me months to get back on top of my condition, yes the kids loved it but my controlling ex had me running about mad after them while he lorded about. Honestly it's not the type of ermmm fun activity I would recommend with fibro, cold, no heating, coldish showers, beds that were so uncomfortable then we had the issue of fixed meal times & no way of getting a snack or cup of tea in between. I agree tell him he is free to go & any of the DC that want to go can but you & at least teenage DD are having a quiet girly weekend at home in the warmth & comfort.

cansu · 10/09/2016 06:33

Put your foot down. Say that you are not going due to your health and that it will be v uncomfortable for you. surely your dp can manage kids with all that family around to help?? Alternatively is it possible to stay in holiday cottage nearby which will be more comfortable so you can go along and watch, but still be warm and comfy at night?

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