to feel ignored by husband who prefers mobile phone use to a meaningful life/relationship?

(24 Posts)
KC11 Fri 09-Sep-16 18:12:15

I am constantly feeling that my husband would rather be on facebook/ebay or watching Youtube videos instead of taking part in life. He does not look up from the mobile. He even watches/reads the mobile whilst simultaneously 'watching' a TV programme he selected from his choices on recorded satellite box thing. Dinner is bought and prepared by me. He manages to eat dinner whilst still reading facebook/texts etc. AIBU to expect/want attention from my husband? AIBU to complain that he should put the mobile phone down?

HexBramble Fri 09-Sep-16 18:14:39

KC11 I feel your pain.

I'd suggest hiding it but then it would need to be parted from his hand for a
Long enough period of time for you to swipe it.

Lilaclily Fri 09-Sep-16 18:16:22

Sounds like my teenager !

GinAndPhonics82 Fri 09-Sep-16 18:17:43

This is one of the reasons why I left my now-ex H.

KC11 Fri 09-Sep-16 18:20:37

DH is in his forties. Lilac A teenager is of course meant to behave like that. Bloody mobile phone. I wish I could smash it up but that would create a row and I'd look like an idiot for rising to the bait. I wonder if I should just leave this marriage. It's not very fulfilling.

maras2 Fri 09-Sep-16 18:20:56

If this is real hmm More fool you for putting up with it.You actually cook for this twat? Stop it now FFS.Why would you even think that any of this is ok ?

AnotherEmma Fri 09-Sep-16 18:21:02

I'm pretty addicted to my iPhone but even I manage to put it away when eating dinner with DH. Perhaps you could set some ground rules, eg no phone at dinner time, one evening a week when he turns it off and you watch TV or a film together with no phones?

And why is always you who prepares dinner? Does he do other household tasks? He should be doing his share of housework, but that's a separate issue really (unless he's claiming he "doesn't have time" when he's spending all his free time on his phone).

bigbluebus Fri 09-Sep-16 18:22:52

Did I start a thread without knowing it? KC11 My DH is just the same. I regularly interrupt him and say "Hi, I'm here" and he says "oh, Hi" and then carries on with Facebook/YouTube/News or whatever else he does on his phone whilst simultaneously looking at the laptop and havng control of the remote for the tv so he can choose what programme he watches. Between him doing that, the 19yo who spends all day in his room on his laptop and my non-verbal disabled DD, I am at my wits end as although I live in a house with 3 other people I feel totally alone at times.

I'm not sure what the solution is. I've tried telling DH how I feel but nothing changes.

KC11 Fri 09-Sep-16 18:38:46

bigbluebus I feel your pain! I don't have kids so it's just him and me. I have tried to explain that I feel ignored but it doesn't make any difference. I am now doing my stuff any from the house, exercise classes and starting a college course as well as my full-time work. My DH can enjoy being alone as much as he wants. My DH can have time for his phone and TV as much as he likes. I am going to enjoy my life and if/when he realises what a prat he is he can apologise and we can move on. I'm not speaking to him so i'm only feeding myself and doing my own laundry and also working a bit later so i don't spend so much time at home being ignored. I wonder if could have predicted mobiles and tablets etc would cause these problems in marriages. I think I already know it is time for me to move on. Perhaps my college course might give me the confidence to leave him, relocate and get a happier life.

M0nstersinthecl0set Fri 09-Sep-16 18:42:02

My ex and his laptop were similarly committed to each other. It's pretty sad, but an increasi g problem. I sit in restaurants and coffee shops surrounded by people on devices. Noone interacts much. So dull.

InformalRoman Fri 09-Sep-16 18:42:06

Can you hide his sim card? Maybe hold it to ransom? Or slice small bits off and post them to him?

bigbluebus Fri 09-Sep-16 18:45:59

My DH is worse than teenage DS. At least DS only does it when he is in his room. He doesn't bring his phone to the dinner table nor does he spend time out of the house glued to his phone. DH on the other hand...... sad

KC11 Fri 09-Sep-16 18:48:30

informal I like your thinking. I could do that. The frustrating part is that no one else knows he is like this. It seems it's only me treats me this way. Like i'm not worth taking any notice of. That's why I am taking myself out of his line of vision and out of earshot. If he wants to act like a sulky teenager then I'll let him. I'm off out to the shops on my own now! It is lonely in a marriage like this though.

InformalRoman Fri 09-Sep-16 18:56:58

Sorry, I was being a bit flippant. It's absolutely not unreasonable to expect some proper human interaction from your DH. It does seem increasingly common - seeing couples in the pub on their phones and not talking to each other.

Is it worth suggesting doing something together (not that!) where you both leave phones behind? A meal out, a walk, trip to the pub?

SandyY2K Fri 09-Sep-16 18:57:12

You should continue spending time out of the house. Carry on with the classes, take up new ones if you have time and occupy yourself as though he's not there.

This kind of thing is what gets people's head turned. No attention from the spouse and then you just mentally check out and there's nothing left to salvage.

ocelot41 Fri 09-Sep-16 18:58:20

Have you tried the classic assertive formula: When you do x, I feel y. I would prefer it if you did (specific z)?

user1473106504 Fri 09-Sep-16 18:59:40

Op Well TELL HIM what do you think we will do about it?

AnotherEmma Fri 09-Sep-16 19:08:03

Are there other issues in the relationship? You sound really sick of him.

spaghettithrower Fri 09-Sep-16 20:47:44

This is awful. Reminds me of my ex...notice EX!! This was the main reason I ditched him. However, it had gone so far with him that he was no longer going to work. These devices are addictive and for some people it can be a real problem. I tried all sorts with my ex - nothing worked.
He used to tilt his head towards me as if he was looking at me and listening but his eyes were still fixated on the screen. Gives me the rage just to think about it.
With my current partner we have agreed that we switch off phones and all devices at mealtimes so that we aren't distracted by anything and that we aren't disturbed by people phoning or sending texts. When we have days out or evenings out, then the phones are switched off as well.
There is really nothing that can't wait a few hours.
When we are lounging around at home, then we both mess about on computers or phones.
I would suggest trying to talk to him about it and start by seeing if he is prepared to switch off everything during meal times. If he can't/won't take this small step then I'm afraid there isn't much hope. My ex wouldn't do it and so I stopped cooking. He ended up living on frozen pizzas because he could put them in the oven, take them out again and eat them one-handed so he could continue surfing the net the whole time.

JacquettaWoodville Fri 09-Sep-16 21:00:23

I have seen my future and it's bleak

<puts down ipad, goes to snog DH>

GaryGilmoresEyes Fri 09-Sep-16 21:00:53

Blimey OP.Are you me? I feel your pain. And the minute I pick my mobile up as it's a work text,I'm the one out of order.

ocelot41 Sun 11-Sep-16 07:07:40

Send him a text, saying "Hello. I am your wife. It would be great to spend some time talking with you?'

Eebahgum Sun 11-Sep-16 07:12:58

I think you've taken the right tactic. Hope you find some fulfilment in your evening classes & exercise classes. Hope he realises and changes before it's too late.

Oblomov16 Sun 11-Sep-16 07:39:11

Oh dear. Dh says this of me.

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