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AIBU?

to refuse to pay a parking fine out of the child benefit?

115 replies

mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:09

The car is registered in DPs name and last week he received a Parking Eye letter. A few weeks ago I stayed 9 mins over the time limit because DD (2) had a huge poo that covered her from her bum to her shoulder and so I had to strip and clean her. DS (7 with autism) was with me and was repeatedly sick because of the sight/smell and was then hysterical at being sick. It wasn't a fun morning!

Dp and I have separate finances. I receive child benefit, DLA and carers allowance and he earns around £36k. He keeps referring to the letter as 'my fine' and asking if I've sorted it yet. Aibu to think I should not have to pay it out of what is, essentially, the DCs money and that he should pay it?

OP posts:

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OwlinaTree · 08/09/2016 23:12

Hummmm. No I think you should pay it, sorry.

But you need to sort your finances out with your DP, you should have similar amounts of cash to spend after bills/food/child care etc. From what you post it sound like this is not the case.

dontpokethebear · 08/09/2016 23:13

I think as you incurred the fine, you should probably pay it?
Do you split the bills/mortgage etc equally?

MargoReadbetter · 08/09/2016 23:14

You could try and contest it. I've done this twice (unsuccessfully, though in my mind completely unintentional and justified). Or talk properly with your ex to pay halves.

MargoReadbetter · 08/09/2016 23:15

Sorry, just saw its your DP not your ex. Then it's academic, isn't it. It your family's finance however you look at it.

TheGruffaloMother · 08/09/2016 23:15

If you keep separate finances, I'm afraid it's your responsibility to cover fines you incur. Unless you'd be happy with him refusing to let you use the car because you won't take responsibility for any fines you rack up?

gamerchick · 08/09/2016 23:16

think as you incurred the fine, you should probably pay it?
Do you split the bills/mortgage etc equally?

Out of interest, how much do you think child benefit, carers allowence and dla totals to per month?

BestZebbie · 08/09/2016 23:18

Your fine, you need to pay it. Ideally this would come out of family money for bills etc rather than your personal spending money for luxuries given it was a one-off incurred "in the line of duty" for the family, but if you split all your finances then this should come from whatever your income is.

mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:21

I didn't incur it by having a chat for a bit too long or carelessness though. It could have happened to either of us because the DC caused it. Me paying it will mean the kids directly miss out on things their money should be buying. Him paying it would not.

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dontpokethebear · 08/09/2016 23:21

gamerchick I have no idea. Does it really matter though? The op incurred the fine, so should pay it.

WordGetsAround · 08/09/2016 23:21

You've really got to sort out family finances. This bill issue is just demonstrating a fundamental financial inequality between you.

PurpleDaisies · 08/09/2016 23:22

If you're on a carer's allowance and he's earning £36k, how do your finances work so things are fair?

I got a speeding ticket and had to pay to go on a course. We only have family money so I suppose we both paid for it, which isn't fair really but we just don't think of money as our own any more. If we'd had separate finances it would have been mine to pay as I'd earned the fine.

WordGetsAround · 08/09/2016 23:23

dontpoke I think it's more that your question implied you thought the OP might be in a financial position to 'split the bills' when all she has as income are those benefits.

JenLindleyShitMom · 08/09/2016 23:24

Wow! Why are your finances separate? Are the children your partner's?

JellyBelli · 08/09/2016 23:24

It shows his crappy attitude towards you and your children. Its not like you got drunk and had to sober up.

MiddleClassProblem · 08/09/2016 23:27

So he doesn't pay for any of his kids stuff? That is more the issue!

TheGruffaloMother · 08/09/2016 23:29

To clarify things OP, is your DP your children's DF? Do you live with him? If so, you should probably put financial diuscussions back on the table as you sound at a massive financial disadvantage. If not, you've just borrowed his car and are refusing to pay for fines you've racked up. Context is everything.

mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:29

I agree it highlights that finances are an issue, surprisingly he doesn't agree...! He pays more into his pension each month than I receive in benefits for the children. I have no pension.

OP posts:

mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:30

We live together. He is father to DD but not DS.

OP posts:

MollyRedskirts · 08/09/2016 23:31

My income is also only Carer's Allowance, DLA and Child Benefit. My DH doesn't earn as much as yours, but his income is still more than mine. We also have a child with autism. We have separate bank accounts but all money is joint.

If this happened to us, we'd talk about the fine and who was in the best position to pay it. No way would it be seen as my responsibility to find the money. Especially not if it meant taking money directly from the DC.

Your husband is being massively unreasonable. I assume you don't work in paid employment since you get Carer's Allowance, so your looking after the children is what enables your DH to go and earn that salary. You incurred the fine doing very essential looking-after of BOTH your children. You paying it would cause your children to miss out, it should be a no brainer that your DH pays it.

DixieNormas · 08/09/2016 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cocklodger · 08/09/2016 23:35

I do not know the ins and outs of your finances to be honest but if it would be a struggle (ie not able to afford essentials)for you to pay then He is BU to expect you to pay more than a small contribution that you can afford.
If you can afford it you should pay it. It is your ticket

TiltedNewt · 08/09/2016 23:36

I think you should be asking why he doesn't want to pay it out of "his" money and why he is happy to see his children (step children count) going without.

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Cocklodger · 08/09/2016 23:38

Woah woah back the fuck up(Sorry, typed my response, went to the door, chatted to neighbour came back and pressed send!).. he pays more into a pension than you get a month?
Sit him down and run through finances.
Major changes NEED to happen. pay the ticket or don't whatever that is definitely NOT the issue here!

Nanny0gg · 08/09/2016 23:41

You do realise that your situation isn't right or fair don't you OP? Why is it this way?

mendimoo · 08/09/2016 23:42

I don't see it as my ticket because it was caused by our children rather than by either car driver. It was completely unavoidable to have not gone over the time allowed in the car park and there was nothing I could have done to avoid it. Making me pay it puts blame on me IMO, as well as depriving the DC. I don't even have any shoes now my flip flops are giving up after summer, it's ridiculous that I should pay £100 when he would have no problem paying it at all.

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