AIBU or is DH.......so fed up i could cry

(29 Posts)
whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 17:51:30

I work shifts and DH does opposite days.I see him about 1 day a month and 2 eves a week from 7pm.
Last night i was off and went to see Dm with flowers as DF is really ill and got chatting.When i got in dh was out.It turned out he was at the garage with his car which needed repairing.I felt sorry as ive had car trouble.
About 9 i asked him about today as there is no way he can get to work without a car and i am off.
He told me he was out...at golf and had booked hols for this.Golfing meal and drinks.when i pointed out he couldve told me he said he had barely seen me and i seemed moody (my workplace is changing hands and ive been under the weather too).He also has golf next week and a few days before my 50th in oct.
AIBU to expect him to tell me or the dcs or is this being a control freak? i wouldve seen DM today had i known he was out.I cant see him until next week now.[ANGRY]

ImperialBlether Thu 08-Sep-16 17:54:08

You really only see your husband for two evenings a week and one day a month? Do you mean those are the only times you can spend any length of time with him, or when you literally see him?

Lilaclily Thu 08-Sep-16 17:55:53

How old are the dcs ?
Can you go out on the 2 evenings for a meal ?
Yes I would be sad too that he didn't want to spend the day with me if he only gets one full day with you a month
A chat is needed

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 08-Sep-16 17:58:41

He is not prioritizing spending time with you. Which would feel to me like he liked golf more than me. Does he have time and space to play golf while you're at work?

Hobbies can be important but spending time with loved ones is more.

Or is it an organizational issue? Could you share a calendar so you can both see when you're off?

GoldFishFingerz Thu 08-Sep-16 17:59:41

Can you start booking evenings together instead of assuming you're keeping them free

JeepersMcoy Thu 08-Sep-16 18:00:17

Wait, I am reading that he has booked holiday to go play golf. If he hadn't of taken this as holiday he would have been at work so you wouldn't have seen him anyway? So what time with him are you missing? Or have I got this all wrong...

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 18:01:24

Isee him one day a month if i get a friday then 2 eves of my days off when he gets home at 7pm (tired from 12hr day).I was offered a mon/fri job last week with less money however if he only makes time for his interests i will still be alone.

ImperialBlether Thu 08-Sep-16 18:02:50

But Jeepers, this is supposed to be her husband. If she never sees him, why is he taking vacation time to do something on his own? Hardly what you want from a marriage, is it?

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 18:04:07

I would ve seen him tonight as we need to discuss getting a new cooker and general catch up.Even dd thinks it is odd he didnt tell anyone in the 2 weeks he has known.

JeepersMcoy Thu 08-Sep-16 18:07:16

Ah, sorry. I am tired and easily confused and missed the evening bit. I would be upset about the evening and think it's odd he didn't tell youas it is time you would expect to be together. I do think he is allowed to use a day of his leave to do things on his own though. Surely he is allowed a hobby and it is better he use a days leave than take up the small amount of time together.

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 18:09:30

do other married couples just do their own thing? yes he has his saturday golf once a month as i always work all weekend.smile

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 08-Sep-16 18:14:37

So he has time when you're at work for hobbies but very limited family/couple time? Yeah I'd be pissed off too.

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 08-Sep-16 18:20:49

It sounds like you both communicate really badly. I think if you want time together on his day off/the evenings off you need to say and arrange something, even if it's just dinner and a film at home.

I don't think he really did anything wrong by booking leave, but he should have told you. It doesn't sound like you tell him much either, though.

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 18:20:53

TBH this golf day is an annual one for the last 30 yrs ive known him.It is the fact he didnt want to tell me.I find his behaviour quite draining.He loves sport and used to watch the grandprix when he couldve recorded it and gone out with the dcs and i.

CafeCremeEtCroissant Thu 08-Sep-16 18:24:47

Not when they have so little time together! I'd rather be single than in a relationship seeing that little of someone, then them CHOOSING to do other things in the tiny bit of time we could have together. I'd point this out to him.

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 18:28:52

Hermoine i only know my days off week for week.Normally he would be here to tired to watch tv together.I guess the marriage is over if we lead increasingly separate lives.

ImperialBlether Thu 08-Sep-16 18:30:15

If you think of living separately from him, do you feel unhappy?

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 18:30:39

Thanks cafecreme that is how i feel....single but not .....

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 08-Sep-16 18:34:09

That can't be easy sad

ImperialBlether Thu 08-Sep-16 18:35:29

It sounds as though he's draining you, OP. You might be less tired without him.

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 18:37:45

Yes imperialblether.Some of my unsettledness is work and some is very ill Df .DH lack of support is bad too.I think he doesnt make any effort with me.We have very different ideas such as i am tidy and dress quite nicely he makes no effort at all.
i have mentioned his bad temper on mumsnet alot.
when we do go out he is like the man i married.Polite and nice.
I am trying not to be controlling i just find it very annoying that he has done this.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 08-Sep-16 18:39:08

Do you think the marriage is done? And how do you feel if it is? How do you think he would feel?

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 18:48:10

He has told me to sort it out before when weve discussed it.Many yrs have been tough but we had dcs to focus on.sad WE dont sleep together eat together or do anything at all really.I think 30 yrs with someone is hard to walk away from.

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 08-Sep-16 18:55:53

Don't throw away another 30 years on someone who doesn't make you happy flowers

whatisforteamum Thu 08-Sep-16 19:35:25

Thank you Hermione x

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