to hide in my bedroom MNing while PIL are here?

[myownperson]

I don't think I am but I still need to be told not to feel guilty

Or maybe this is really rude?

Separated from husband but still have my PIL to visit most weeks.

I'll go down soon to make some tea for everyone but figure it's OK to leave them playing with kids for a little while.

[Nanny0gg]

Why do they play with the DC at yours and not when they're with your Ex?

If they must visit (do you like them) I think it's a bit unwelcoming...

[Gottagetmoving]

Yes, it's really rude.

[HeavenlyHeathen]

I think it's great you're allowing them to visit in your home after separation.

But it is rude you're not there imo.

Go and make them feel welcome. They've made an effort to see the DC

[BeardMinge]

YABU, it's really rude and a shit example to set for your children. Just go and make them a cuppa and make some small talk ffs, you're an adult not a teenager.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

Yes, I agree, that is really rude.

[SaucyJack]

Depends how it's done.

Assuming you're welcoming and friendly when they get there, then I don't see the biggie in making them a cuppa and leaving them to it.

They've come to see the kid(s). Not you.

[Sassypants82]

I think it's important that they get alone time with the kids, especially in a separation situation. I think they might appreciate you making yourself scarce for a bit.

[ageingrunner]

I think it's fine to leave them playing with the kids. You're getting a break too. Would it be better though if they visited the children at your husband's home?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Yes, it is rude. I would expect to need to explain that to a young teen, not a full grown adult tbh.

[myownperson]

Just go and make them a cuppa and make some small talk ffs, you're an adult not a teenager.

They've had cake and a cuppa. I've been making small talk week after week for many years.

They've come to see the kid(s). Not you.
That's what I figured.

Sassy that's what I think. But I'm not 100% sure as they turn up and tell me all their health news.

Im saving my sanity but I'll accept it's rude. I got about 5 mins before the kids came looking for me anyway.

I'm off to make tea.

[Dogolphin]

I think you are doing wonderfully well to facilitate your children's relationship with your ex's parents and if you need five minutes and a moan and some support every so often then go for it.

[Soozikinzi]

As a step grandparent and a grandparent of divorced family I think it's really lovely that the grandparents get some time on their own in charge of their grand children xx

[sonjadog]

I think it is a bit rude to be MNing, but on the other hand, it is good for them to have alone time with th kids. Could you rather go out for a walk/ do some errands so that they get alone time and it isn´t so obvious that you are getting off side on purpose?

[DozyDoriss]

OP you sound just like a friend of mine!

Her ex pil (well mil mostly) visit every week, it would drive me crazy.

[SpookyPotato]

I think you've done it right... Welcomed them, made them a drink etc and left them to be with the kids alone.

[AcrossthePond55]

You know you're NBU. They don't contribute to your life in a positive way.

You need to speak to stbx and iLs at some point about these visits being held elsewhere

[HeavenlyHeathen]

You're wrong across.

The gp do contribute to her life in a positive way by having a relationship with her DC.

How is that not positive?

Not making them feel welcome and staying out of the way isn't a positive way to behave in front of your DC

[terrifyingtoes]

Makes sense to me. Once you've got the welcome & basic small talk over & done with, leave them be. Not rude.

[SaucyJack]

In what way is she not making them feel welcome?

Maybe they'd prefer she wasn't there* so they could have some quality time with their GC.

*no offence. I'm sure you're a lovely ex-DIL :-)

[Gottagetmoving]

Her ex pil (well mil mostly) visit every week, it would drive me crazy

Having grandparents visit their grandchildren every week would drive you crazy?
I would be pleased they made the effort and think of the positive effect it had for my children.

[DozyDoriss]

Because they are the EX'S parents??

They take them out every other weekend but still insist on visiting my friend in the week. They divorced 5 years ago and ex-h is on his 3rd wife!

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

I think it's fine although I'd say I was upstairs ironing, on the computer working or some such. I wouldn't disappear without a word. It's nice for them to have time with the children without being watched.

I'd probably mix it up a bit so sometimes you're there, sometimes in the kitchen, sometimes upstairs. But other than that I think it's lovely that you're facilitating access.

When my PIL visit, I say hi, make small talk, sit with them, sort tea and cake, often ask if they mind me doing some jobs while they play with the kids. It's the same thing.

[DozyDoriss]

Because they are the EX'S parents??

They take them out every other weekend but still insist on visiting my friend in the week. They divorced 5 years ago and ex-h is on his 3rd wife!

[ageingrunner]

Could you use the time to go out and do some shopping or something op?