To think this is not a big deal? And wouldn't be if it were the other way round.

(54 Posts)
smileygrapefruit Wed 07-Sep-16 14:54:09

Yesterday DH had a day off, I was working. He took 2 DD's (nearly 3 and 9 months) to the beach for the day. 1.5 hours drive each way and spent the whole day there. Every body I told reacted like 'wowww that's amazing' and even 'OMG do you trust him to have them on his own all day?'. He said strangers came up to say 'well done' and the such. I've just got off the phone to mil and she said she couldn't believe he'd done that on his own. I had a bit of a rant at her asking why should he not? DH works ridiculous hours so the majority of childcare is down to me and no one would give a second thought about me doing the same. Is there really such an old fashioned/sexist few on looking after your own bloody kids?!

ssd Wed 07-Sep-16 14:55:48

agree with you totally

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 07-Sep-16 14:57:37

'Do you trust him to have them on his own'

What?! What men do people have kids to that they are shocked that they can parent without having their hands held?!

pollyblack Wed 07-Sep-16 14:59:23

I agree too. My dh takes our kids away a few weekends a year- without me (its bliss!). Several of my friends are very jealous as their dhs "could never" do that- having not even had their kids for a whole day by themselves before.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge Wed 07-Sep-16 15:00:03

My DH gets this and he hates it. He started telling people that no he wasn't a great dad or a Sunday father (because apparently men can't go out by themselves unless they have no choice) he's just an actual dad and they should all do this stuff.

Muskateersmummy Wed 07-Sep-16 15:01:02

Always amazes me that people say things like this. I work every sat and dh has dd for the day, no one has every commented more than to say "that will be nice the them to have a day together"

ZippyNeedsFeeding Wed 07-Sep-16 15:01:09

MrZippy gets this a lot and it's worse because people assume that the kids are his grandchildren. It's ridiculous, nobody bats an eyelid about me looking after them, cleaning the house and doing a full time (100 hours a week!) job, ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge Wed 07-Sep-16 15:02:04

Apparently "you mean your husband doesn't take his kids to give you a break?" sympathetic head tilt works as a come back.

Finola1step Wed 07-Sep-16 15:02:17

YADDDNBU.

IMO, men who "couldn't" have their own dc for a whole day are lying. It is not "couldn't" but rather "won't".

skyyequake Wed 07-Sep-16 15:04:42

You're 100% right it shouldn't be like that

However, judging by the growing number of threads I've seen on the subject of crappy partners/husbands, it's not unusual for men to be completely useless...

I wouldn't say anything to you other than "that's nice I'm sure they'll enjoy that" but in my head I would be supremely jealous sad

skyyequake Wed 07-Sep-16 15:06:58

I also hate how they say it to the dads because I know if DP took DD out even once and got that comment it'd go straight to his head and he'd think he was the best dad ever so it's really not helpful to anyone

Sparklesilverglitter Wed 07-Sep-16 15:09:11

I think some women judge all dads by there own useless dp/DH standards and are shocked when you get a Dad that can you know actually take care of his own DC.

canihaveacoffeeplease Wed 07-Sep-16 15:09:26

I completey agree! Me and oh have a business, so split childcare and work fairly evenly. He is a great dad, and brilliant with dd. Almost every time it is a sunny day and they're out at the park/beach/on a walk/whatever, he gets some 'well meaning' nosy cow coming up to ask if he put suncream on her. I have never ever had this. The assumption being as he's a man he's to stupid to know about the dangers of the sun. He's far to polite to ever say anything back but he bloody well should, makes me so so angry they think a man can't competently look after his own daughter.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Wed 07-Sep-16 15:09:44

My DH gets this too. He's a SAHD and I work. I never got a pat on the back for taking them to the beach or park, even when I would go in the morning and go to work in the afternoon.

Really fucks me off. Takes so little to be a great dad - or a shit mum apparently hmm

SnakeWitch Wed 07-Sep-16 15:10:17

DSIS took DN age 6 away for the weekend recently (UK by train) and she told me that loads of people had said things like 'on your own, really?' and 'ooh you're brave'. She was utterly baffled. So it's not just the men! (although I agree with you and it's wrong).

Pinkheart5915 Wed 07-Sep-16 15:12:12

The 'do you trust him to look after the dc' comment always makes me laugh 😂 If I didn't trust my DH to look after his own children then I would never of got pregnant by him.

I think the pp has a point about some women judging all dad's by other dad's useless standards. I do find a lot of the oh you trust him to take them out comments come from women

RunningLulu Wed 07-Sep-16 15:12:32

Ridiculous. You should have a go everytime someone comes out with something so sexist OP.

deydododatdodontdeydo Wed 07-Sep-16 15:15:41

DH often takes the kids places without me, either one or both of them, and always has since they were babies.
Nobody has ever told me he's a great dad, and just asked him and no-ones ever commented to him on it either!
It must be a thing though, I read about it so much.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 07-Sep-16 15:15:53

DH started weekend camping trips with DD. I hate camping! He started them, now there's a big group of dads going with their kids.

One of my friends has one of those husbands... And it's literally the only time he does all the shit work. She still packs for them and organizes everything! She seemed amazed I don't. How the hell would I know what they need?

Eatthecake Wed 07-Sep-16 15:16:26

I agree with others it is nearly always a women that makes the oh you trust him to do that comment, umm well if I didn't I wouldn't of had 4 DC with him would I Ffs! Think they must judge by how useless their DC dad is

I went back to work when all my 4 DC got to 6 months, then DH had a few months leave and people were shocked in the office he could cope with a baby- why? Just why? We both decided to have children and we are both capable of looking after them

When somebody says it now I laugh and say well we are equal parents

c3pu Wed 07-Sep-16 15:21:37

I think men looking after children will be the last bastion of sexism sometimes!

ZippyNeedsFeeding Wed 07-Sep-16 15:29:41

* I know if DP took DD out even once and got that comment it'd go straight to his head and he'd think he was the best dad ever so it's really not helpful to anyone*
This is pretty much exactly what happened to us and I now have to listen to him droning on about what an amazing father everyone thinks he is. It has also made it difficult to tell anyone about things he does which i think are abusive. I had a (failed- whole other story!) smear last week and I wanted to tell the nurse about these things, but she started warbling on about how lucky I am and how fabulous he is, so I didn't.

WeAllHaveWings Wed 07-Sep-16 15:29:55

Nope haven't heard anyone reacting like that before its fairly common place here for hands on dads.

If these comments are coming from people who actually know your dh it could be just because they are not used to him being hands on.

Gatehouse77 Wed 07-Sep-16 15:47:30

When our first was born I said to DH that aside from pregnancy and breastfeeding there was nothing as a parent that he couldn't do. With help, encouragement and some tag-team parenting initially he has taken on a full role.

We have areas that we are better at - I tended to do homework as it often ended in tears otherwise. He did outings and organising who needed to be where when (partly his need to have ALL the information!). I do most of the shopping and cooking because that's convenient but DH will pitch in at weekends, holidays, etc.

LagunaBubbles Wed 07-Sep-16 15:50:02

You should see the comments my DH gets, hes a childminder and is often out with 6 kids at a time! grin

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