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AIBU?

To not say anything? Saw DS being "pushed" out the way by nursery teacher

55 replies

parlezvousfrancais · 06/09/2016 16:52

I was 10 minutes early picking up DS (3) from nursery today and saw his group through the window waiting in a line to come inside. DS was at the front standing still i.e. not mucking around etc and the teacher was shouting a little girl's name over and over. Next thing the teacher put her hand on his head and very firmly turned him round (by the head) and pushed him backwards. When I saw it I was like wtf?! as it looked quite rough and unnecessary. However he seemed unperturbed by it so I'm not sure if it was okay for her to do that?

At the time I was shocked and angry but I'm wondering if I was overreacting. Is this okay? I didn't say anything and not sure if I should have or not?? I went to collect him and he was with a different teacher so I didn't see that particular one.

I don't want to come across like an overprotective mother but I'm not sure of the boundaries and if that's acceptable?

OP posts:

Report

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 06/09/2016 16:54

Er, he's been assaulted.

At the very least she deserves a loud confrontation. Preferably with an audience to enhance her shame.

OlennasWimple · 06/09/2016 16:56

Was he assaulted? In what way?

rosesarered9 · 06/09/2016 16:58

YADNBU It is not appropriate for teachers to have physical contact with children without a good reason.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 06/09/2016 16:59

'Teacher' grabbed his head, twisted him round by his head and then pushed him.

He's in her care.

Imagine if I did that to one of the elderly folk I look after. I'd be sacked. And sent to court. And reported to SOVA.

He still has rights. Being little doesn't change that.

parlezvousfrancais · 06/09/2016 17:00

I was ready to do that at the time when I saw it but then I stopped myself. I don't know why.

The thing is I'm normally a hot headed person and act first, think later so I have no idea why I didn't.

I'm now minimising it in my head but I know what I saw and know how I felt when I saw it!

OP posts:

rosesarered9 · 06/09/2016 17:00

Are you in the UK?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 06/09/2016 17:01

You were in shock.

Completely understandable to freeze and do nothing.

SandyY2K · 06/09/2016 17:02

No way would I let that slide. Not a chance. I'd speak to the Nursery manager or if it's a school nursery I'd go to the headteacher and I'd be reporting it as a safeguarding incident immediately.

She would regret the day she ever laid a hand on my child like that.

A mealtime assistant said something sarcastic to my DD once and I was on the phone to the school the next day.

JenLindleyShitMom · 06/09/2016 17:03

You need to say something! That isn't ok in any way shape or form. Even if he was attacking her she shouldn't be turning him by the head. There are ways to physically handle children when you are a childcare provider. That is not one of them. You have to stand up for your son. The fact he seems unperturbed suggests he is used to this!

Idliketobeabutterfly · 06/09/2016 17:05

Yikes, I'd put in a formal complaint.

SandyY2K · 06/09/2016 17:05

I can tell you that I conducted a disciplinary hearing when a teacher did less than that. It was reported to the LADO (local area designated officer) in the local authority and he was suspended pending the investigation.

That's a very serious matter. Please don't do nothing.

SandyY2K · 06/09/2016 17:06

The fact he seems unperturbed suggests he is used to this!

Exactly!!

JenLindleyShitMom · 06/09/2016 17:06

Sorry, childcare provider or educator.

parlezvousfrancais · 06/09/2016 17:08

Ah fuck I wish I'd said something now! I was standing in reception and noticed there was cctv there but didn't see if there was any outside.

Have text DH so he'll phone probably when he gets it so will discuss with him though I know he'll be raging.

OP posts:

parlezvousfrancais · 06/09/2016 17:08

Yes UK

OP posts:

redexpat · 06/09/2016 17:09

I've never seen any of the nursery workers do as you describe, but I have seen them restrain a rather, boisterous boy when he was getting worked up. I have seen them turn heads but very gently when trying to get the childs attention, and calling their name hasn't worked.

JenLindleyShitMom · 06/09/2016 17:10

You still can say something OP. It's not too late. In fact maybe better that you have taken time to think about what you want to say. But please do speak to the nursery manager.

JellyBelli · 06/09/2016 17:11

Definately say something, thats not acceptable.

Sonders · 06/09/2016 17:16

Jeez, would you ever do that to your son? If not then I think putting in a formal complaint is the least you should do!

lovelymummywholoveswine · 06/09/2016 17:17

It's funny how we can act completely different then usual in shocking situations, so don't be angry that you didn't address issue there and then.

However, school is a partnership and if there is anything that you are worried about you must bring it up. This is your child and you have every right to go to the school and discuss your concerns.

I'd be tempted to speak to the head of early years rather than the teacher- then you can't be fobbed off, and if there have been other parents complaining it will be noted. Good luck and please let us know what you decide x

OlennasWimple · 06/09/2016 17:24

Blimey - maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean by "turning by the head", but I frequently put my hand on the top of the DC's head and turn it gently in another direction. Usually when they are saying they can't see something, I've told them where to look and they still can't see it. I didn't realise this could constitute assault - I wouldn't have had a problem with nursery teachers (who have to have physical contact with their little charges) doing it either

JenLindleyShitMom · 06/09/2016 17:26

Olenna going by OP's description this was a lot more than turning his head to see something (which personally I wouldn't do or accept a teacher doing either)

LittleBeautyBelle · 06/09/2016 17:28

The fact he seemed unperturbed means the teacher does stuff like this a lot! Not that it's ok. I think it's unacceptable behavior for a teacher. Something needs to be done about it, now. Would any of us do that to a student? I've never done that to my own child. It think's aggressive, hostile and treating the child like a thing to be moved around. Not good.

user1471446905 · 06/09/2016 17:28

I'm with Olennas, this sounds like a gentle redirection and that is how the child reacted to it, It's certainly not best practice to put your hands on a childs head, shoulders would be a better choice. But all this yelling of assault and grabbing sounds absurd.

Jessbow · 06/09/2016 17:33

Is that assault? Really?
Could you hear what was being said?

Maybe, she was saying ''Face this way, and take a step back'' Illustrating with your small son. At worse she turned his head,( his body would follow)

Not defending her action, but if you couldn't hear as well as see, you can't really put it in context.

Was your child visibly bothered?

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