To think that if you sometimes ignore someone and sometimes want to speak to them you can expect the same treatment back?

(13 Posts)
Cathcurtains Sun 04-Sep-16 19:09:41

Very long title, I know!

I have a few local friends/acquaintances that sometimes when I bump into them want to chat for ages and are very friendly and then other times when it doesn't suit them are curt, offhand and just say a quick hello and walk off.

One in particular always stops me and wants to chat for a long time when I see her around the area. Last weekend we went to a wedding reception and she was there. Out of politeness I approached her to say a quick hello and it went along the lines of this

Me: Hello, how are you
Her: Fine thanks

Then she turned and walked off to chat to someone else. I didn't want a super long chat at a wedding reception but, given that she usually wants to talk the hind legs off a donkey when I see her, I thought she might be a bit more friendly. She certainly spent the rest of the evening talking away and laughing with others, so it wasn't as if she was in a quiet mood!

So, a couple of days ago when I saw her at our local shop and she tried to stop and chat, I did the same to her as she had done to me, and just said 'Yes I'm fine thanks' and then walked off.

Today I have had a message from a mutual friend saying that this friend is upset as I 'snubbed' her at the shop.

AIBU to think that you reap what you sow? If you treat people like dirt then you can expect to be treated the same in return?

Arfarfanarf Sun 04-Sep-16 19:16:32

I'd say exactly what you've said here.
I'm betting shes a bit self absorbed and hasnt got a clue.

Randytortoise Sun 04-Sep-16 19:19:04

If you're not good enough for a chat at a wedding then why would you want a chat at a shop. Definitely send what you have put here.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 04-Sep-16 19:21:24

I applaud you, you cut her off line she did to you.

What wax your response to the text message?

cathcurtains Sun 04-Sep-16 21:04:08

Oh I didn't even bother replying to the text

HarryPottersMagicWand Sun 04-Sep-16 21:28:08

YANBU. I have had a very similar situation recently.

A mum from school, we were pretty friendly, saw each other outside of the school gates etc etc. Then something changed and i'm not entirely sure but she became quite off with me at times and other times she is really chatty, other times she will blank me completely so i started doing the same as I can't be fucked with this shit at my age.

A while ago she asked me outright if she had upset me as she felt I had her off with her!! I said no and actually I thought she was being off with me which she denied but she is talking crap. There are times when she is like a good friend and times where I may as well not even be there.

hennybeans Sun 04-Sep-16 22:07:04

Yes! Why do people do this? I have a friend/ acquaintance who sometimes is so friendly but other times completely blanks me. And it's not a misunderstanding on my part. I've said hello to her when we've walked past each other 12 inches apart and she's not looked up, or told her daughter to say hello to mine but wouldn't actually make eye contact with me. Infuriating. Now I always ignore her unless she makes the first move. People like my friend and yours are just not worth the effort.

DeadGood Sun 04-Sep-16 22:16:43

The behaviour I'm hearing described here is so odd that I wonder if Face Blindness or similar is contributing to any of it?

MinonsMovie Sun 04-Sep-16 22:37:34

In your situation yanbu.

Quick question and don't flame me please...

Any chance she is a twin? I know a lady in our village, so lovely. Met her out of context at a school run and started chatting... After a bit of akward chit chat she said, "I'm sorry but I don't know you."

I started saying my name, putting me in context... Well of course it wasn't her. I didn't even know the lady was a twin. It was so embarrassing!

SabineUndine Sun 04-Sep-16 22:41:42

I think people like this are real users. If there's nobody else available, you'll do to provide them with an audience. However if there's someone they want to impress more, that's it; you're invisible.

YANBU to let her get on with it.

annielouise Sun 04-Sep-16 22:42:35

Well done you. Had this done to me. Wasn't even as if I took up much time - just stopped for 2 minutes to pass the time of day. Rudeness. They don't like it back, I noticed that too.

littleprincesssara Mon 05-Sep-16 03:59:30

It might be that they are users and twats, but it might also just be that people have a lot of shit going on in their lives, and their behaviour has nothing to do with you.

Okay the wedding story is unpleasant as she was obviously in the mood to chat and laugh with someone.

But personally, sometimes I'm in the mood to chat and be social, sometimes I'm extremely busy/stressed or dealing with a depressive episode and just genuinely incapable of speaking to anyone. Nothing to do with them.

HarryPottersMagicWand Tue 06-Sep-16 14:56:02

Users sounds about right. I've definitely noticed a pattern with my so called friend. If she has her mates there she blanks me, if she is alone she is very friendly. If I organise a night out or something, she will come but will never invite me out.

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