Flatmate walks around in her knickers..

[desperate16]

AIBU to feel uncomfortable? I share a flat with two people, both students. They're in a relationship. They share a room and have turned the second bedroom into their private living room. I have a larger room (what should be the living room). The three of us share a kitchen and bathroom.

I am feeling more and more that they don't want me around. They have made it plainly obvious they are having sex - lubricant left lying around the flat, sex in the bath a couple of times so I can't use the loo until they're done.

They've bought lots of new stuff for the kitchen - they now have 4 cupboards to share (I have 2) and have set the table for themselves with placemats etc. I feel extremely uncomfortable sitting with them so sit in my room, eat on my bed or sofa.

The thing that's annoyed me today is that female flatmate has started walking around in her knickers and a t shirt. Walked into kitchen to get a drink and they were sitting having breakfast - she just had her knickers and a top on, he had on jeans/shirt. I don't know why it made me uncomfortable, I felt that I was intruding on their space and so went back to my room until I heard them leave. Not the first time, I've seen her do this mid afternoon, evening as well etc.

There's a language barrier as they are both Italian as is the landlord, but I can cope with that - I'm very quiet anyway and they don't seem interested in making much conversation.

I don't know what to do. I can't afford to rent by myself , and haven't got anyone else I could share with . I'm hoping to move to new city next spring to start a second degree, make a new life for myself but that's at least 9 months away still.

I don't feel comfortable asking her about it, I think she'd be embarrassed or maybe annoyed that I feel this way. I don't even know her partner's name, I introduced myself and tried to make conversation but he appears not to want to.

Perhaps I am just being a bit prudish (British?!) .. I should just put up shouldn't I?

[happypoobum]

How old are you OP?

I have to admit this wouldn't bother me too much, unless they were having really noisy sex.

I think as a courtesy they should tell you if they are about to have a bath, regardless of what they are doing in it, if the only loo is in there. Maybe start with that as a way to assert yourself?

I presume they couldn't afford to pay all the rent themselves so hopefully they will respond positively?

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

They have made it plainly obvious they are having sex - lubricant left lying around the flat, sex in the bath a couple of times so I can't use the loo until they're done.


Ewwww! . Are you sure they don't want you to join in??

[NattyTile]

Sit at the table. If it's set for two, add a third spot, or get your own placemat and leave it in your corner. Your house too.

Ask her to wear clothes or a dressing gown - not unreasonable.

[OctopusHairband]

Id be inclined to ignore their behaviour and get on with your business. Maybe sit in the kitchen reading the paper tomorrow? Show that you want to make use of the communal areas too? How was the flat share set up?

[Artandco]

I wouldn't be bothere day pants and tshirts, that's covered imo, especially at home.

The sex stuff, well you could have a bath for an hour also couldn't you?

Just ask them not to leave lube lying around

[allsfairinlove]

Hmm, do you think they might be trying to push you out? Could they afford to rent just the two of them?

[Trills]

You don't need to "have other people you can share with", you can find those online Try www.spareroom.co.uk/

Never agree to live with a couple.

[WiddlinDiddlin]

Handful of sand in the lube should put a stop to them leaving THAT lying around.

I wouldn't be bothered about walking around in pants, but the sex stuff and inconsiderate bathroom useage would drive me to passive aggressive 3 hour baths with the radio on in there, eat my dinner in the bath etc..

[SaggyNaggy]

Nah... Screw all that... Up the ante OP.
If she's parading in her skimpies, ypu parade und in ypoypour Bridget Jones pants. If she leaves lube arpound, you leave dildos in odd places, like the cutlery drawer... That'd be a shock, reach for a fork and pull out a rabbit... Hey fucking presto.
Invite 2 male friends to visit, make a few suggestive remarks,
"Time for a tasty spit roast boys?"
Next time you go out, ask them to listen for the door, you have a few 'packages' being delivered,
"Ignore the smell of PVC and leather, if they're vibrating though can you let me know? Ta muchly"
Rename ypour mum In you phone to,
'Long Dong - escort'
Then have her call you when your phone is on the kitchen table, look at it, smile, leave it ringing away on front of them.

Have fun..

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

Not sure OP's Italian is up to the mark for all of that, Saggnaggy...

[penguinplease]

Yeah you need to man up. They will only make you feel awkward if you allow them too. You pay rent, it's your home. Do what you like and brazen it out. Don't let them force you into hiding out in your room or let them make you feel awkward.

If they don't want to share with another person they should rent alone.
I was 19 when I shared with a 'friend' who moved her bf in and I refused to put up with the sort of shit you've described.

Good luck. It's a long 9 months ahead if you don't tackle it now

[Rainatnight]

I'd be much more fed up about them taking over the living room. That's monstrously unfair if you're all paying equal rent.

They're basically using you to top up the rent payments. Find somewhere else. Agree with PPs that you can find them through sites. I had some really good flatshaee experiences that way in my youth.

[trufflepiggy]

Do they pay for two bedrooms or pay to share one bedroom?

[Rainatnight]

Oh good point. I'd not clocked that. Still, all sounds like a pain.

[RunningLulu]

You have 2 cupboards, they have 2 cupboards each. You have one room, they have one room each. They leave lube lying around everywhere. You should leave lube lying around everywhere. If I were you'd I'd even flash some boob - maybe the girl will stop doing it herself when she sees partner's eye wondering

[Justaboy]

Italian eh?. Well as they say "when in Rome do as the Romans do"

so by the same token,

do in SW1 what the SW1'ers do.

Or wherever;)

[UmbongoUnchained]

Are you a flat mate or a lodger? If he's the landlord?

[UmbongoUnchained]

Sorry Mis read. Thigh you said as he's the landlord not as is the landlord.

[hotdiggedy]

Doesnt sound fun at all. Who moved in first? Can you get on to spare room or whatever and find somewhere else?

[Wellywife]

I was also going to say that you should wander around in T shirt and knickers yourself, and get some male friends around to watch early morning tv!

[hotdiggedy]

And yes, its very rude of them to have set the dinner table for just themselves. Italians can be quite rude though (sorry Italians who aren't rude!)

[iPost]

With any luck the Autumn/winter chill will put the kibosh on the wandering around in knickers and sex in close contact with ceramics.

It's poor manners on her/their part, not an Italian thing. I've been here for more than 20 years, shared flats in the past. Italians are as caperble as anybody else of wearing clothes when sharing space with non family/very close friends. Ditto not leaving sexual aids all over the place and shagging in the one loo.

If push comes to shove and you need to leave a note to get your point accross, there are loads of us on here who speak Italian. We can translate.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It may not be deliberate, maybe cultural. The lube and sex in the bath imo is unacceptable - they're blocking use of your bathroom. If they want to do that, they need to live together exclusively.